Pope Discusses Human Rights

General Assembly Address Complete Text

Hillary Clinton: Politics is Hell, Barack

Hamas Endorses Obama

Hamas Political Adviser Ahmed Yousef: “We don’t mind — actually we like Mr. Obama. We hope he will [win] the election and I do believe he is like John Kennedy, great man with great principle, and he has a vision to change America to make it in a position to lead the world community but not with domination and arrogance.”

NEW RULE

Barack Obama must campaign.

Barack Obama: “Last night I think we set a new record because it took us 45 minutes before we even started talking about a single issue that matters to the American people.”

Obviously, Obama covets change. With that stated, he cannot control content. Editorial approval is nonexistent. Americans determine relevance. They vet candidates. They advance candidates. Senator Obama must accept this.

Senator, accept the process. Your associates are relevant. Your attitudes are relevant. Your statements are relevant. Your liberal mindset is ridiculous. Americans are intelligent. They can think. They do not need dictation.

Bill Maher: I’m Bitter!

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Isn’t this nice… Since the Pope is going to be at Yankee Stadium, he’s making Billy Crystal a bishop for a day.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Bill Maher’s Non-Apology

Ford: Championships Are Job One

On Thursday, Oklahoma State hired Massachusetts Coach Travis Ford. Concerning his objectives, Ford was blunt. “My goals are to take this Oklahoma State basketball program to a national championship. That's why I'm here and that's what I look forward to doing. I’m not a guy that before the season sets out goals that we want to do this, we want to do that. Every single year, we're trying to make the national championship. Every year, that's my goal. Are you going to do that every single year? Probably not every single year, but that's our goal every year.”

During his career, Ford has amassed a 123-116 record. In Eastern Kentucky (5 seasons), Ford racked a 61-80 record. In Massachusetts (3 seasons), Ford registered a 62-35 record. “I was looking for an opportunity where I could go and win a national championship,” Ford said. “I wanted my next move to be a place where I could raise my family and be there for a while and not a place where I wanted to go and move somewhere else and make another stop.”

Ford and Sean Sutton are similar. Both were point guards. Both experienced the Final Four. Hopefully, Ford’s coaching results will be dissimilar.

Survivor: Strength Strangles Ozzy

In Survivor, strength is duplicitous. Strength is both required and reviled. One must acquire food. One must construct camp. One must win challenges. However, one cannot dominate. If one does, they will encounter elimination.

On Thursday, Parvati won actual immunity. Jason garnered virtual immunity. He exchanged food for safety. Subsequently, Ozzy and Cirie schemed. Ozzy’s ambition? Betray Jason. Cirie’s desire? Eliminate Ozzy. Cirie succeeded. Via a 5-4 vote, Ozzy was eliminated.

Hills Revisits Awkward Situations

Opportunity is omnipresent. Opportunity is both craved and evaded. Opportunity can advance, impede, inspire, and terminate. During one’s lifetime, one will encounter innumerable opportunities. One’s decisions determine success.

On Monday, Audrina, Heidi, and Stephanie enjoyed drinks. Unfortunately, Spencer interrupted their evening. He and several women consumed shots. Heidi exploded. Screaming, she confronted Spencer. Why the shots? Why the women? According to Heidi, the experience was “the worst night of my life.”

The next evening, Heidi phoned Spencer. She requested a conversation. Spencer arrived. Their clash reconvened. Are we dating? Are we finished? Spencer’s response? Our situation is not a vacation. We are separated. Spencer is correct. Heidi requested their situation. She cannot dictate terms. Heidi and Spencer lived together. She made him exit. They are concluded. She is America’s dumbest woman.

Amidst Heidi and Spencer’s drama, Lauren and Whitney reunited. For People’s Revolution, they worked fashion week. Lauren flourished. In season one, she annoyed Kelly Cutrone. Tonight, she impressed her. Cutrone offered her a position. The opportunity is amazing. However, Lauren should not quit Teen Vogue. For her, Cutrone is not an appropriate employer.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“These trips can be kind of tricky; often there can be some confusion and embarrassment. The Pope, after the mass, accidentally gave the last rites to John McCain.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Character, Criticism, Conspiracy Engulf Hills

Anger and betrayal. These traits are congruent. These traits are cooperative. Betrayal inspires anger. Anger instigates betrayal. The pair are not permanent partners. However, their success improves together. Rage inspires subterfuge. Subterfuge instigates rage.

On Monday, Lauren celebrated her birthday. Stephanie attended. The interaction was intriguing. Lauren and Stephanie flattering and smiling. Audrina and Lo concerned and solemn. Obviously, Lauren accepts Stephanie. However, her imprudence is perplexing. Audrina and Lo should have flanked her. They should not have been isolated.

The next afternoon, Heidi and Spencer confronted Stephanie. They attacked her loyalty. They assailed her sanity. Stephanie defended herself. Amidst tears, she questioned Spencer. Why have enemies? Viciously, Spencer retorted, “You’re making yourself cry because of what you did.”

Despite Stephanie’s disclosure, Heidi and her reconciled. They attended Vice. Upon entering, Heidi spotted Audrina. She approached her. They discussed friendship. Heidi apologized. Instantly, Audrina forgave her. Hours subsequent, Heidi phoned Audrina. She visited her. She retrieved her discarded property.

When Lauren was informed, she exploded. She incinerated Heidi. She interrogated Audrina. Are Heidi and Audrina friends? What are Audrina’s intentions? Brazenly, Audrina lied. “I have no intentions of being friends with her,” she said.

Worth A Read

Blog of the Moderate Left

Daily Kos’ polar opposite.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Milwaukee Bucks Coach?

According to a study, bladder control drugs induce forgetfulness. This is true. In the bathroom, I cannot remember anything.

Finally, I tip the ol’ ball cap to Danny Federici. He was an exemplary musician.

“I Ask You to Love Your Priests”

National Park Mass Complete Text

President, Prime Minister Discuss Iran

Press Conference Complete Text

TJ: Trade CJ

T.J. Houshmandzadeh: “If he's [Chad Johnson] not traded, it's going to be a problem. If we keep him and don't win, he'll tell everyone 'I told you so.’”

Two Turn Professional

On Thursday, Kevin Love declared his NBA eligibility. Simultaneously, Brandon Rush declared his NBA eligibility. Last season, Love averaged 17.5 points and 10.6 rebounds per contest. Rush averaged 13.3 points and 5.1 rebounds per contest. Love and Rush are exemplary individuals. Both will be exemplary professionals.

Bulls Bounce Boylan

On Thursday, the Chicago Bulls fired Coach Jim Boylan. Chicago’s decision was correct. The Bulls require restoration. Boylan was unacceptable.

Milwaukee Mess

On Thursday, the Milwaukee Bucks fired Coach Larry Krystkowiak. This season, Krystkowiak logged a 26-56 ledger. Krystkowiak’s firing is inconsequential. Senator Herb Kohl is a wretched owner. Upon his exodus, the Bucks will improve.

NEW RULE

Barack Obama and Keith Olbermann must consummate.

During his campaign, Senator Barack Obama has condescended, insulted, misspoke, patronized, and smeared. Consistently, Keith Olbermann has apologized, defended, obfuscated, slanted, and spun. Enough! Obama and Olbermann must canoodle. They must spoon. They must advance their relationship. Clearly, Obama is Olbermann’s obsession.

Dick Cheney: Media Critic

The Daily Smak

Hey, weren’t you Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson?

According to a study, similar passwords are perilous. The United States Department of Obvious conducted the study.

Today’s top five or Barack Obama’s apologists (1) Keith Olbermann, (2) Eugene Robinson, (3) Richard Wolfe, (4) Rachael Maddow, (5) Dana Milbank

“Our Nation Welcomes You”

President Bush & Pope Benedict XVI

Environmental Realism

Climate Change Complete Text

Ocho Out?

Chad Johnson: “I want to make this very clear. I don't know where he got that. I made no assertion to Carson that I would do that. Nothing has changed from what I've been saying for three months that I don't want to play for the Bengals. I want to be traded before the draft, and if that doesn't happen, I want to be traded as soon as possible. I don't intend on reporting to anything. I wish he would stay out of my business.”

Immelman Survives Life & Augusta

For three rounds, Augusta was submissive. Fifty-eight combatants shot under par. On Sunday, the subservient course stirred. The grounds snapped and snarled. Only four challengers shot under par.

Despite arduous Augusta, Trevor Immelman survived the Masters. His total eight under par bested Tiger Woods (-5). Stewart Cink and Brandt Snedeker (-4) knotted for third. Steve Flesch, Padraig Harrington, and Phil Mickelson (-2) split fifth.

After opening with a bogey, Immelman recorded three pars. He birdied hole five. He then chalked consecutive pars. After bogeying eight, Immelman carded another three pars. He logged a bogey-birdie combination. He then pared fourteen and fifteen. Despite triple bogeying sixteen, Immelman persevered. He closed with consecutive pars.

After opening Sunday with three pars, Woods bogeyed hole four. He logged a par-birdie combination. He then scratched another three pars. Ascending the second nine, Woods was poised. He birdied hole eleven (-5). He then began missing opportunities. He pared twelve and thirteen. He bogeyed fourteen. He pared fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen. He concluded with an insignificant birdie.

Perspective is invaluable. Perspective is precious. Perspective clarifies, simplifies, and quantifies. On December 18, 2007, Immelman underwent surgery. Doctors removed a benign calcified fibrosis tumor. The aforesaid does not diminish Immelman’s victory. Perspective merely enhanced the experience.

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Liberty City Seven Slither Away Again

On Wednesday, the “Liberty City Seven” trial concluded. Six defendants received a mistrial. As previously stated, the jury should be ashamed. They facilitated a massive miscarriage of justice.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Tonight, there was another debate. They’ve been doing this for a year and a half. And Hillary Clinton is really getting desperate. Before the debate, she snuck up behind Barack Obama’s podium. She buried a Michael Dukakis jersey.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Kristy Lee: Finally Finished

On Wednesday, America eliminated Kristy Leigh Cook. Cook’s ejection was surprising. However, her exodus was expected. On Tuesday, Syesha Mercado was worse. With that stated, Cook outlived her talent. She merited prior elimination.

NEW RULE

Extortion motivates.

Last week, Kansas retained Coach Bill Self. A national championship reward? Actually, the extension was extorted. Self’s threat? He would exchange Kansas for Oklahoma State. Self could have negotiated. He could have remained private. Instead, he coerced Kansas. He received payment. For this, Self is despicable.

Worth A Read

Simply Recipes

Elise Bauer discusses cooking.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the economy?

According to Pacman Jones, relocation trumps reinstatement. Pacman, freedom trumps football.

Today’s top five or coveted diplomatic assignments (1) Bali, (2) Bora-Bora, (3) Tasmania, (4) Santorini, (5) Bermuda

Barack Obama: I Am Typical

Barack Obama: “I am amused about this notion of elitist, given that when you’re raised by a single mom, when you’re on food stamps for a while when you were growing up, you went to school on scholarship… When somebody makes that argument, particularly given that I spent my entire life working with workers, low-income communities to try to make people’s lives a little bit better, then that’s when you know we’re in political silly season.”

Kansas Garners Miracle, Championship

This was an unusual season. Kansas is an unusual champion. Their coach was not renowned. They were sans superstars. They were not glamorous. They were not glitzy. They were simply diligent, intelligent, and unrelenting.

On April 7, Kansas defeated Memphis 75-68. Actually, the Jayhawks survived the Tigers. With 2:12 remaining, Memphis led 60-51. Darrell Arthur scored. Sherron Collins stole and tripled. Chris Douglas-Roberts and Mario Chalmers traded free throws. Arthur scored again.

With 1:00 remaining, Memphis led 62-60. Douglas-Roberts missed two free throws. He missed another. Derrick Rose made only one of two. Chalmers made three-point history. In overtime, Kansas outscored Memphis 12-5.

In 1988, Kansas garnered the national championship. Danny Manning was their soul. Larry Brown was their supervisor. Twenty years subsequent, Brandon Rush and Bill Self channeled these personas. They personified Kansas. A deserving, unexpected champion.

A Dazzling Duo

Champions possess two attributes. Legendary coaches. Legendary players. John Wooden had Lew Alcindor and Bill Walton. Jim Calhoun had Richard Hamilton and Emeka Okafor. Mike Krzyzewski had Bobby Hurley, Christian Laettner, and Jason Williams. Pat Summitt had Chamique Holdsclaw and Candace Parker.

On April 8, the Tennessee Lady Volunteers defeated the Stanford Lady Cardinal 64-48. Parker tallied 17 points and 9 rebounds. Summitt won her eighth national championship. Combined, Summitt and Parker amassed a 91-10 record. They won consecutive NCAA titles.

Last year, I typed “gender should be irrelevant.” I affirm my opinion. During her career, Parker averaged twenty points. During her career, Summitt has accrued a 983-182 record. Points are points. Rings are rings.

Derrick Rose: Believe the Hype?

On Tuesday, Derrick Rose declared his NBA eligibility. Rose is the probable first selection. “Derrick is one of the great players I've ever coached, but of even more importance, he is one of the greatest teammates I've been around,” said Memphis Coach John Calipari. “We are forever indebted to Derrick and his family for what they did for not only this basketball program, but also for the University and the city of Memphis.”

Last season, Rose averaged 14.9 points, 4.5 rebounds, and 4.7 assists per contest. He tallied nine twenty-plus point contests. In the NCAA Tournament, Rose averaged 20.8 points, 6.5 rebounds, and 6.0 assists per contest. “This is not a step I take lightly, although it has always been a dream of mine to play in the NBA. After weighing all of the options -- with which I am blessed -- I feel that it is the right time for me to take this step,” Rose said. “My only regret is not winning a national title for the University of Memphis.”

Rose hails from Chicago. He wears number twenty-three. Rose’s ambition is obvious. Can he channel Michael Jordan?

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“The Pope arrived earlier today in Washington… He flew Virgin Atlantic.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Adrian Wojnarowski: More Joke Than Coach

Isiah Thomas never did stop the relentless mythology of himself as the street fighter out of Chicago’s Westside. Through every indignity, he insisted that he was fighting for his job, his legacy, for a ticker-tape parade he still promised until the bitter end. Somewhere between delusion and delirium, the architect of a crumbled regime had never sounded so detached of reality.

Before his final night at Madison Square Garden, Thomas was still speaking of championship days with the New York Knicks and jabbed his finger toward the visiting locker room and declared of the Boston Celtics, “One day, that’s someone we want to be.”

He spoke of his love for the New York fans, and how they have flocked back to the arena to watch his Knicks, and all this great young talent that’ll someday see true his vision of Garden glory. The Knicks rewarded one more Garden sellout with complementary concessions Monday night, confining the “Fire Isiah” chants to modest decibels with mouths stuffed with so much free food. “I want to be part of the parade,” Thomas declared.

The only parade Isiah is getting will be over to LaGuardia Airport and out of town for good. The fans’ anger and angst of January and February had subsided to resignation here. Before the loss to the Celtics, New York had Uncle Junior of The Sopranos singing the national anthem and Big Pussy in a celebrity courtside seat. For this hit job, there was no drama. Donnie Walsh, raised in the Bronx, has come home and everyone knows that Isiah’s getting whacked.

“As Denzel (Washington) told me,” Isiah said, “ ‘You’re going to get the Bronx cheer.’ If this is the bottom, with a sold-out house tonight, in the last game, then New York is a great town. And in a strange kind of way I’m honored to get the Bronx cheer. Because everybody gets it. If this is the worst, this ain’t bad.”

This is his way of saying that he made it out of New York alive, false bravado until he’s out the door. The final con job of Thomas’ disastrous run as Knicks president and coach has been that he wants to keep his job. Thomas is still getting the remainder of his $24 million contract extension. He’s done nothing to earn his pay but everything to protect future payments. The Knicks are 23-58 on the season now. Larry Brown will be rooting hard Wednesday night that Isiah doesn’t end up with one more victory than he did as Knicks coach two years ago.

Until Sunday, when Walsh happened to be in the gym, the Knicks hadn’t had a legitimate practice in a month. Shootarounds seldom lasted more than 15 or 20 minutes on gameday mornings. So much opportunity to develop the Knicks young players went to waste. To the bitter end, Thomas was still selling. For a time, Dolan was the last man in New York buying it. Finally, Thomas lost him, too. These days, Thomas sounds like an old politician on the house floor, talking to an empty chamber just so his words will be recorded for the history books.

“We went from an aging older team to a young team with a lot of future,” he said. “A lot of possibilities here. When we first got here, there weren’t any. … Now the Knicks definitely have a bright future.”

This is the kind of garbage that people in New York stopped listening to months ago. They treat him like the crazy man they pass on the street corners here. He keeps talking gibberish and they just keep moving past him. Had they seen Isiah fighting, backing his empty words with deeds, maybe it would’ve been a little different. Yet it wasn’t 10 games into the season when his players privately told people that they could see his heart wasn’t in it, that he was barely trying to coach them. Everyone could see it. Most nights, he never climbed to his feet. He never coached. Lately, opposing scouts came to the Garden and declared the Knicks the hardest team in the league with which to file reports back to their teams. “They haven’t run any plays in over a month,” one NBA scout said.

Said another scout, “In all of my years, I’ve never seen anything like it. If (Thomas) is trying to get fired, he’s doing a good job of it.”

The loss of the sexual harassment suit to Anucha Browne Sanders destroyed Thomas with the Knicks. Through training camp, he moped. He felt sorry for himself. He played the victim. He climbed into a shell and these Knicks never had a chance. Beyond the disastrous four years with the Knicks, including a 56-107 record as coach these past two seasons, the sexual harassment suit and depositions that showed a Garden run amok promise to make him a toxic hire anywhere else in the NBA.

Within the league, Thomas was already unpopular and loosely trusted. His days in a high-profile executive or coaching job are over. He’s made too much money and has too immense of an ego to ever see himself taking a low-level scouting position. He’ll probably go back to Detroit, where he’s still beloved as a Piston great, and be Isiah Thomas. He’ll get a chance to return to television, but the analysts’ chair won’t be able to rehab his broken basketball image.

Yes, the “Fire Isiah” chants started in the final moments Monday night but died down in New York. This dysfunctional basketball franchise has tired everyone out. They just want it over, just want him gone for good. He coaches his final game Wednesday night, in Indiana, where Walsh and Thomas were united as GM and coach all those years ago.

Just a month ago, in one more Knicks loss, Pacers fans watched him sitting listlessly and started riding him. “Hey Isiah,” one was heard to growl, “why don’t you coach your team!”

One more night for the empty suit on the Knicks bench, one more indignity on the job, and Isiah Thomas was closer to that parade everyone else has dreamed for so long in New York. Just him, just a one-man cavalcade out of town.

Fox News: Tax Rebate Recommendations

1. The $600 PC Upgrade: Is your system getting a little long in the tooth? Consider an upgrade to your core PC components: CPU, motherboard, RAM, graphics card. A Core 2 Duo E8400 will run you about $210. A decent motherboard based on the P35 chipset is around $140. You can get 2GB of some nice 800MHz DDR memory for $60. A Radeon HD 3870 or GeForce 8800 GT will cost $180-190. Now you're $600 poorer and have a rockin' PC.

2. Entertainment on the Go: If you don't have a PSP or Nintendo DS, you're missing out on some great games. Prepare for all that boring summer travel time by getting both! Nintendo DS Lite: $130. Sony PSP: $170. Add in some decent quality headphones like the Ultimate Ears Metro.fi 2 ($65) or Shure SE110 ($80) and you're up $365–380. That leaves you plenty of money for a good carrying case and perhaps three games for each system.

3. One Word — iPhone: Okay, this one's not for everyone, of course, but if it's not going to cost you a bunch of money to get out of a current phone contract (or you're comfortable with hacking your iPhone to work on networks other than AT&T), that $600 rebate check looks like just about the right amount to pick up an 8GB iPhone ($400) or the 16GB model ($500) with enough left over for some accessories. The real reason to have one of these beauties is the big 2.0 firmware update coming in June, enabling Cisco VPN support, Exchange server support and a fully integrated software store. With the money you didn't spend on the phone, you can buy some cool games and apps. Or just hold out for "Spore." Who knows — maybe the inevitable 3G model will be out by the time you get your rebate check.

4. Portable Tunes: You're not sporting an old janky MP3 player from 2005, are you? You have plenty of options for upgrading to something a little beefier. There's the iPod Classic, $250 for 80GB or $350 for 160GB. Or grab a 32GB iPod Touch for $400. You'll want to spend $80–100 on a really nice pair of headphones (we like those from Shure and Ultimate Ears, because the headphones that come with iPods are garbage and make your music sound a lot worse than it has to.) Perhaps you like the idea of subscription music? The 80GB Zune is a fantastic media player for $250, and if you head to ZuneOriginals.net you can get customized laser etching for a nominal fee. The remaining $350 is enough for you to have a Zune Pass ($15 a month) for the next two years, allowing you to download all the music you want. The "premium" headphones that come with the 80GB Zunes are quite decent — no need to replace them if you're not exceedingly picky.

5. Xbox 360 "Fully Loaded": Haven't gotten on board with the hi-def current generation of consoles? Jump in with both feet by picking up an Xbox 360 Elite ($450). But you don't want to play alone, so you'll want the second controller ($50), and a "Play N Charge Kit" so you can charge your controllers while you play ($20). Playing with the 360 without bringing it online is giving up about 80 percent of what makes it cool. You don't need the $50-per-year Xbox Live "Gold" subscription unless you want to play multiplayer games online, but the free "Silver" level gets you free demos and lets you download Xbox Live Arcade games and such. To make sure you can get your 360 online, you can either buy the grossly overpriced official wireless kit ($100!) or save yourself some money and get a basic wireless Ethernet bridge for about $50.

6. Wii for the Whole Family: It looks like you can actually find a Nintendo Wii in stores these days — it was tough until just recently. The fun of it is flailing your arms around with the whole family. So why not get a Wii for four? That's $250 for the Wii itself, which comes with one Wii remote and Nunchuck controller, as well as "Wii Sports." You'll need three more Wii remotes ($40 each) and three Nunchucks ($20 each). Might as well make one of those Wii remotes the "Wii Play with Wii Remote" bundle so you get a bunch of other mini-games ($50 instead of $40). Then you'll need some games. "Mario Kart" is due out before the tax rebates go out ($50), and "Super Smash Bros. Brawl" is wacky cartoon violence for four at once ($50). Though you can't play four at once, no Wii owner should be without "Super Mario Galaxy" ($50). So there you have it — a Wii with four controllers and five games (including pack-ins) for just under $600.

7. Buy a PS3, Get a Blu-ray Player Free: Now that the Blu-ray vs. HD DVD battle is over with Blu-ray the champ, you may be thinking of getting a stand-alone Blu-ray player. Why do that when they cost as much as the Playstation 3, which happens to be the most compatible and highest-performing Blu-ray player of them all (by a long shot)? We suggest picking up the 80GB "Motorstorm Pack" version of the PS3, since it comes with such an excellent game ($500). Unfortunately, there's no infrared port on a PS3, so your universal remotes won't work. Better pick up that official Sony Bluetooth "Blu-ray Disc Remote" ($20). And of course, you don't want your friends to just sit and watch you play, so a second controller is a natural purchase ($50 for the basic unit, $55 for the "Dualshock 3" with rumble). Total price: $570–575.

8. Upgrade Your Audio With an Onkyo TX-SR705: If you run your set-top boxes, DVD or Blu-ray players, game consoles or PVRs into some sort of home theater system, you know how much good audio can add to the experience. But if you're running video and audio separately, or have an old receiver that doesn't support modern standards, you might consider upgrading to the Onkyo TX-SR705. List price is around $800, but you can easily find it for about $550 or so. What you get for your money is almost ridiculous. Three HDMI 1.3 inputs and one output, 100 watts per channel 7.1 output, support for every audio format under the sun including Dolby TrueHD and DTS-HD, video up-conversion through both component and HDMI inputs, automatic multi-positional room EQ setup, the list goes on and on. Of course, if you're starting from scratch, you'll need speakers as well.

9. Upgrade to HDTV: Still don't have an HDTV? Well, you can't get a really nice set in a large size for $600, but thanks to some never-ending price drops you can get a pretty good set at more modest sizes for around that price. These may not be the cream of the HDTV crop, but they're almost certainly a big step up from that eight-year-old standard-def TV you're still using. We found a number of good name-brand 26-inch HDTVs for sale under $600: the Samsung LNT2642H ($588), Toshiba REGZA 26HL47 ($589) and LG 26LC7D ($599).

10. Green Up Your Home: The cost of this is wildly variable depending on your home or apartment, but $600 can go a long way toward saving your energy bill and the Earth at the same time. Many homeowners have an old fridge in the garage where old food goes to die, and it's typically incredibly inefficient. For under $600 you can get a cheap fridge with a good Energy Star rating and save literally hundreds of dollars a year on your electric bill. If you use bottled water, get one of those faucet-attached water filters (Brita, Pur, etc.) and a stockpile of new filters. The quality of water is just as good or better, it's more convenient than the jug or bottle and you won't be wasting all the plastic and fuel used to bottle and ship bottled water. Six hundred dollars is enough for almost anyone to replace all the incandescent bulbs in their home with compact fluorescent models. They cost a lot more up front, but they last a lot longer (5-8 years) and use a third of the electricity to put out the same amount of light. They pay for themselves with a reduced electric bill in usually 3-4 months. You can probably do the water filter, light bulbs, and buy easy window-insulation kits for all your windows with just your one measly $600 rebate check. Best of all, you'll probably save more than $600 on your energy bills over the next year. I guess it takes money to make money.

11. Step Up to DSLR Photography: Point-and-shoot digital cameras are convenient, but limited. If you've been eyeing those entry-level digital single-lens-reflex but haven't made the jump yet, now's your time. Prices have really come down, and you can easily find some pretty good cameras under the $600 mark. Consider the Canon Digital Rebel XTi. It's not the newest in Canon's line-up, but it's a great camera for the price. Sony's Alpha A200K, announced at CES this year, is now on the market right at $600.

12. Get a Cheap Notebook: The world seems awash with new, small, energy-efficient notebooks of relatively modest power. But you can actually get a lot of utility out of these little guys, and they're a lot easier to take on the road when all you need to do is a little e-mail, Web surfing or light document editing. And they can be just plain fun to tinker around with. The 8 GB ASUS Eee PC is $500. You can actually get HP's new 2133 Mini-Note for $599 complete with Vista Basic and a 120GB hard drive. If you want something larger, a Dell Inspiron 1525 with a 1.73GHz dual-core CPU, Vista Home Premium, a 15.4-inch display, 1GB of RAM, CD/DVD burner, and a 120GB hard drive was $599 on the site the day we wrote this article, and may be even cheaper by the time you get your rebate.

Wildcat Out: Beasley Departs Kansas State

Upon Coach Bob Huggins’ exodus, Michael Beasley attempted escape. Unfortunately, Kansas State balked. Beasley was trapped. Kansas State’s decision was correct. Sadly, Beasley’s future was sealed.

On Monday, Beasley declared his NBA eligibility. Assuming Derrick Rose’s presence, Beasley is the probable second selection. Sans Rose, Beasley will be chosen first. “It's time to take my game to the next level,” Beasley said. “I think I proved myself over the course of the season. I just think it's time for new challenges.”

Last season, Beasley averaged 26.2 points and 12.4 rebounds per contest. He tallied three forty-plus, ten thirty-plus, and twelve twenty-plus point contests. He also registered 29 double-doubles.

Beasley possesses immense talent. He is physically mature. Regrettably, Huggins never coached him. Beasley’s signature season was stolen.

American Idol Live Blog

David Archuleta (17 – California)

The crimson is slightly disturbing. Fortunately, his vocals are exquisite. He is subtle. He is understated. Yet, his emotion is palpable. Despite his youth, he has a remarkable presence. Incredible performance. Simon had a Christmas album? Seriously?

Carly Smithson (24 – California)

Mariah as a sunshine ray? A divorced, unstable sunshine ray. Her commencement is elegant. The piano is gorgeous. Finally, she does not oversing. She does not force emotion. She covers the tattoo. Her transition is immaculate. She epitomizes this selection. Beautiful, pristine, and understated. Simon and I disagree. She was outstanding.

Syesha Mercado (21 - Florida)

Her dress is spectacular. However, she must lose the fro. Her commencement is drowsy. She is struggling. She is sans emotion and substance. Her transition is apocryphal. She screams slightly. Through, her emotion is nonexistent. As she concludes, her emotion is false. She is insipid. She was terrible. Simon is correct. Terrible song selection.

Brooke White (24 – Arizona)

Finally, a recognizable song. The piano is intriguing. “Hero” is an emotional epoch. You do not picture a recital. Her commencement and transition are acceptable. She is not incredible. However, her emotion translates. Her transition’s conclusion is ridiculous. She loses the endeavor. She screams. She forces the moment. Her conclusion is also disastrous. She slips and slides. Overall, an abysmal performance. Simon’s unique apology is appropriate. Her performance was empty.

Kristy Leigh Cook (24 – Oregon)

Her dress is exemplary. Her appearance is scrumptious. Her commencement is soulful. She does not oversing. Tenderly, she guides the selection. Her emotion is relatable. Her presence is charming. Her conclusion is spotty. However, her performance is satisfactory. She should survive another elimination.

David Cook (25 – Missouri)

Always Be My Baby? Seriously? The solo guitar is insipid. His commencement is annoying. Faith No More phoned. They requested their persona. His transition is intriguing. The violins are exquisite. Unfortunately, his vocals remain ridiculous. His conclusion worsens the endeavor. Preening, screaming. His ego is expanding. The aforesaid is undeserved. He is terrible. His presence is creepy. He warrants elimination. Brilliant? Randy awards a standing ovation? Excuse me, I must puke. Simon, your initial instinct was correct. He is drunken karaoke.

Jason Castro (20 - Texas)

The bongos are intriguing. His backdrop is unique. Both mirror his persona. His vocals are satisfactory. He is classic and subtle. His emotion is melodic. He is not spectacular. However, he has never been spectacular. Acceptable performance. He should advance.

Again, Specter Suffering

On Tuesday, Senator Arlen Specter disclosed his cancer recurrence. The Specter family has our thoughts and prayers.

NEW RULE

Stupidity is stupid.

Technically, Sean Avery’s actions were not forbidden. Obviously, they were asinine, idiotic, immature, moronic, preposterous, and repugnant. Avery should not have acted. When violations are nonexistent, athletes should not create them.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Northwest Airlines?

This weekend, Kansas celebrated their national championship. Thousands of small town residents. No one was bitter.

Today’s top five or worst MTV productions (1) Maui Fever, (2) Kaya, (3) New port Harbor, (4) Bam’s Unholy Union, (5) The Paper

Obama Responds, Eviscerates Clinton

Barack Obama: “Now I am the first to admit that some of the words I chose I chose badly, because as my wife reminds me, I’m not perfect. She reminds me of this frequently, and events often remind me as well.”

“So I’m not a perfect man and the words I chose, I chose badly. They were subject to misinterpretation, they were subject to be twisted, and I regret that. I regret that deeply. But. But. But. When people suggest that somehow I was demeaning religion. When I know that I’m a man of deep faith, somebody who in my own life has held on to faith, held onto my confidence in God during times of trial and tribulation, then it sounds like there’s some politics being played.”

“When people suggest I was somehow being elitist and demeaning hunters when I have repeatedly talked about the tradition that people pass on from generation to generation, hunters and sportsmen, and how I have consistently spoken about my respect for the Second Amendment. When people try to suggest that I was demeaning those traditions, then it sounds like there’s some politics being played. And what really burns me up is when people suggest that me saying that folks are mad, they are angry, they are bitter after 25, 30 years of seeing jobs shipped out, pensions not fulfilled, health care lost. The notion that people are surprised, and are suggesting that I’m out of touch because I spoke honestly about people’s frustrations, that tells me there’s some politics going on.”

“She is running around talking about how this is an insult to sportsmen, how she values the Second Amendment. She’s talking like she’s Annie Oakley.”

“I just have to remind people of the track record. This is the same person who took money from financial folks on Wall Street and then voted for bankruptcy bill that makes it harder for folks right here in Pennsylvania to get a fair shake. Who do you think is out of touch? This is the same person who spent a decade with her husband campaigning for NAFTA, and now goes around saying she’s opposed to NAFTA.”

“Every four years, we get politicians coming before you and they say the same things. They say that they’re gonna fight for you. They say they’re gonna bring all the jobs back. They say they’re gonna get health care done. They say they’re gonna make sure our trade deals are fair. You guys have been hearing that. You’ve been hearing it forever. And things haven’t changed. And of course you’re frustrated about that. Of course you’re angry about that. Of course you’re bitter about that. But here’s the good news: the good news is, that when we started this campaign we said we were gonna do something different.”

Obama Backtracks, Clinton Berates

Barack Obama: “I didn’t say it as well as I should have, because the truth is these traditions that are passed on from generation to generation, those are important. But what is absolutely true is that people want to feel like they’re being listened to. And so they pray, and they count on each other and they count on their families. It’s interesting, right? Lately there’s been a typical sort of political fight. Because I said something that everybody knows is true — which is that there are a whole bunch of folks in small towns in Pennsylvania, in towns right here in Indiana, in my hometown in Illinois, who are bitter. They are angry. They feel like they’ve been left behind. They feel like folks aren’t paying attention to what they’re doing here. So I said, ‘Well, you know, when you’re bitter you turn to what you can count on.’ So people, they vote about guns. Or they take comfort from their faith, and their family and their community. And they get mad about illegal immigrants who are coming into this country. Or they get frustrated about, you know, how things have changed. That’s a natural response.”

Hillary Clinton: “I was taken aback by the demeaning remarks Sen. Obama made about people in small-town America. Sen. Obama’s remarks are elitist and they’re out of touch. Americans who believe in the Second Amendment believe it’s a constitutional right. Americans who believe in God believe it’s a matter of personal faith. Americans who believe in protecting good American jobs believe it’s a matter of the American dream. People embrace faith not because they are materially poor but because they are spiritually rich.”

Surrogates Scorch Obama

Governor Tom Vilsack: “I found his remarks undercutting his message of hope … he suggests that somehow the faith of those who live in small towns is superficial. I think it’s difficult for a Democratic candidate to be successful in a general election if he misreads and misunderstands people who live in small communities.”

Senator Evan Bayh: “The far right wing has a very good track record of using things like this relentlessly against our candidate, whether it’s Al Gore or John Kerry. And I’m afraid this is the kind of fodder they might use to really harm him with.”

Harrisburg Mayor Steve Reed: “Frankly the remarks are condescending, they are negative, they are hurtful. I found it to be most revealing of what the candidate really thinks of us.”

McCain Spokesman Tucker Bounds: “Barack Obama’s elitism allows him to believe that the American traditions that have contributed to the identity and greatness of this country are actually just frustrations and bitterness.”

South Atlantic Treaty Organization?

Hugo Chavez: “I once said that if NATO exists — the North Atlantic Treaty Organization — why couldn't SATO exist? The South Atlantic Treaty Organization. We've placed it on the table for Latin America once again.”

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Our entire audience is made up of bitter people from small towns everywhere.”

The Tonight Show

Clueless Stern Supports Seattle Snatch

David Stern: “I haven't studied them [Ownership e-mails] but my sense of it was that Clay [Bennett], as the managing partner and the driving force of the group, was operating in good faith under the agreement that had been made with [previous owner] Howard Schultz. His straight and narrow path may not have been shared by all of his partners in their views, but Clay was the one that was making policy for the partnership.”

Line of the Morning

President Jimmy Carter (D-GA)

“I think there's no doubt in anyone's mind that, if Israel is ever going to find peace with justice concerning the relationship with their next-door neighbors, the Palestinians, that Hamas will have to be included in the process.”

NEW RULE

Dr. Phil is an ass.

This weekend, Dr. Phil McGraw freed Mercades Nichols. On March 30, Nichols and seven accomplices viciously attacked sixteen-year-old Victoria Lindsay. Dr. Phil’s motivation? A teen violence expose.

Dr. Phil must stop. He is not a psychologist. He is useless. His character is dubious. His personality is obnoxious. Essentially, Dr. Phil is ambulance-chasing entertainer. His lone objective is money. Thus, America should label him appropriately. Phil McGraw is not a doctor. He is a dope.

Hillary Clinton Drinking Campaign

Worth A Read

Mack Avenue Tigers

Blogging the Detroit Tigers. Analyzing, reporting, responding, and seeking opinions.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the Seattle Sonics?

Last weekend, Barack Obama labeled thousands “bitter.” Obviously, Obama’s assertion is disastrous. Michael Dukakis offered condolences.

Today’s top five or Pope Benedict’s American adventures (1) New York City, (2) Yankees, (3) United Nations, (4) Nationals, (5) President George W. Bush

Revisionist Helplessness

On Friday, Major League Baseball and the Major League Baseball Players Association enhanced their drug testing policy. They increased testing frequency. The improvement is irrelevant. Three decades are inescapable.

Stealing From Seattle

According to e-mails, Seattle Sonics Owners Clay Bennett, Aubrey McClendon, and Tom Ward were dishonest. From the outset, their objective was relocation. As previously stated, Seattle is a marquee city. The Sonics have declined. However, the fans are not responsible. They should not be penalized.

Fausto Carmona: Future Colon?

On Thursday, the Cleveland Indians retained Fausto Carmona. Carmona signed a 7-year, $48 million contract. “This is a guy who has shown he wants to be great,” said General Manager Mark Shapiro. “He has exceptional toughness, exceptional talent and intelligence. Those things combined with his work ethic made this a very easy decision.”

During his career, Carmona has assembled a 21-19 record. He has posted a 3.59 earned run average. In 2007, Carmona racked a 19-8 campaign. He registered a 3.06 earned run average.

From 1997-2002, Bartolo Colon amassed 75-45 record. Unfortunately, he exchanged Cleveland for California. Will Carmona mirror Colon? The Indians hope not entirely.

Kobe vs. Aston?

Legacy, Situation Unimpressive

On Thursday, LSU hired Stanford Coach Trent Johnson. According to Athletic Director Joe Alleva, Johnson epitomizes integrity. “He represents all the values I was looking for -- a man who has an outstanding reputation, a family man, a guy that can go into the home and recruit, a man who will be a great role model for these kids and make sure they do things the right way both on the court, off the court and in the classroom,” said Alleva. “He has a great background, great experience. He's mature.”

During his career, Johnson has accrued a 159-122 record. In Nevada (5 seasons), Johnson racked a 79-74 record. In Stanford (4 seasons), he registered an 80-48 record. “The opportunity to recruit the best student-athletes across the country and have the opportunity to compete for a championship year in and year out ... that is the goal,” Johnson said. “We have an excellent chance to get this thing turned around soon.”

LSU is a peculiar program. They were never Duke. They are not Northwestern. During Dale Brown’s tenure, LSU amassed a 448-301 record. During John Brady’s tenure, LSU assimilated 167-111 record. Given the aforesaid, Johnson can improve LSU. He cannot restore them.

Reality at Eight

American Idol

On Thursday, America eliminated Michael Johns. Johns’ exodus was deserved. His performance was terrible. His emotion was contrived. His vocals were screamed. Simply stated, Johns butchered “Dream On.”

Survivor

On Thursday, Airai and Malakal merged. Subsequently, Eliza overrated herself. She alleged hidden immunity idol possession. Unfortunately, her idol was fake. Prior to tribal council, Jeff announced the aforesaid. Via an 8-2 vote, Eliza was eliminated.