Happy Thanksgiving

New Hampshire Now: January 8

On Wednesday, New Hampshire set their primary. Their vote will now occur January 8. This concludes the catapulting. Florida, Iowa, and Michigan remain silent. Let the voting commence.

Injuries Send Holmes Home

On Wednesday, Kansas City Chiefs Running Back Priest Holmes retired. During his press conference, Holmes was magnanimous. “I have truly been blessed with the opportunity to play in the National Football League,” he said. “I will be forever grateful to the Hunt family and the Chiefs organization for the opportunity to come to Kansas City, where the community embraced me from Day 1.”

During his career, Holmes registered 1,780 carries, 8,172 yards, and 86 touchdowns. He also recorded 339 receptions, 2,962 yards, and 8 touchdowns. In 2003, Holmes tallied 320 carries, 1,420 yards, and 27 touchdowns. Until 2006, the touchdowns were an NFL record.

Holmes’ career is incomplete. Despite brilliance and talent, injuries define him. Holmes could have dominated. Instead, he is another cautionary tale. A brilliant flash amongst consistent careers.

Johnson’s Mantra: Hate Me, I’m A Winner

Jimmie Johnson is silently confident. He is a proficient artisan. He is a marketing attraction. Johnson is articulate, poised, and talented. Yet, he is hated. Why? People are envious.

On Sunday, Johnson scored his second consecutive Nextel Cup. During the Championship Chase, Johnson recorded four wins, six top five finishes, and nine top ten finishes. “He is having a run that in the modern era is maybe unmatched,” said NASCAR chairman Brian France. “He is just at a different level and I think it's hats off to him.”

During his career, Johnson has accrued 33 victories, 86 top five finishes, and 134 top ten finishes. In 2006, Johnson tallied 5 wins, 13 top five finishes, and 24 top ten finishes. In 2007, Johnson scored 10 wins, 20 top five finishes, and 24 top ten finishes.

Dale Earnhardt, Jeff Gordon, David Pearson, Lee Petty, Richard Petty, Darrell Waltrip, and Cale Yarborough. Each won three-plus championships. Johnson is not them. However, they share commonality. People disliked them. People dislike Johnson.

Frank TV Sparkles, Sputters

Frank Caliendo is brilliant. His appeal is universal. His impressions are fabulous. His timing is marvelous. Given Caliendo’s versatility, television was obvious. When TBS signed him, I assumed Caliendo would shine.

Last night, I viewed TBS’s “Frank TV.” The program is watchable. However, I expected better. Caliendo’s Charles Barkley and John Madden were exemplary. His Dick Cheney was lame. His Seinfeld was apocryphal. Caliendo’s sketches require improvement. They severely limited him.

Caliendo rivals Bill Maher. He supercedes Dane Cook. He trumps D.L. Hughley. Unfortunately, they possess platforms. Expectations, hype, and success are not mutually exclusive. Caliendo may have succeeded. Regrettably, his hype did not equal expectations.

NEW RULE

Family are the Holidays.

Christmas and Thanksgiving are precious. Sans family, they are worthless. Sound hokey? Decorations, food, football, and gifts are replaceable. They are recyclable. Family is not. Family is critical. You should not insult them. You should embrace them. Christmas and Thanksgiving are not ordinary days. We should not belittle their significance.

Worth A Read

MgoBlog

Unverified Voracity discusses Michigan football. Throwing rock since 1969.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn't you used to be White House Press Secretary?

This week, Ric Flair and Chuck Norris endorsed Mike Huckabee. Subsequently, Cheech and Chong endorsed Barack Obama.

According to Scott Boras, Andruw Jones will not accept a one-year contract. Scott, Alex Rodriguez negotiated without you. Kenny Rogers fired you. Why are you speaking?

Georgia Pre-teen Perpetrators

On Monday, an eight and two nine-year old males were charged with rape, kidnapping, false imprisonment, and sexual assault. Allegedly, the trio raped an eleven year-old female. Consent is irrelevant. What are we teaching our children?

Most Valuable Philly

On Tuesday, Jimmy Rollins won the National League Most Valuable Player Award. This season, Rollins batted .296 with 30 home runs and 94 runs batted in. Matt Holliday and Prince Fielder merited consideration. Given Philadelphia’s finish, Rollins’ triumph was deserved.

Crimson Diatribe

Nick Saban: “Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event. It may be 9/11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, and that was a catastrophic event. They talk about alcoholics and people like that who never ever change until they hit rock bottom. Well, they change because when they hit rock bottom they have an awareness, they have an acceptance and a commitment to change. That's what our players need to do right now because in the past two weeks since the LSU game, I haven't seen the same spirit, I haven't seen the same work ethic. That's something we've got to get right. I don't think anyone in this room would have bet that we would lose back-to-back games to Mississippi State or ULM. There's really a reason for that. Not finishing plays. Not finishing games. Not finishing the season. You get humiliated, and that's basically what happened.”

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Tom Brady (QB – Patriots): 31/39, 373 yards, 5 td
(Win: 56-10 at Bills)

D.J. Hackett (WR – Seahawks): 9 receptions, 136 yards, 1 td
(Win: 30-23 vs. Bears)

Andre Johnson (WR – Texans): 6 receptions, 120 yards, 1 td
(Win: 23-10 vs. Saints)

Thomas Jones (RB – Jets): 30 carries, 117 yards
(Win: 19-16 vs. Steelers)

Randy Moss (WR – Patriots): 10 receptions, 128 yards, 4 td
(Win: 56-10 at Bills)

Terrell Owens (WR – Cowboys): 8 receptions, 173 yards, 4 td
(Win: 28-23 vs. Redskins)

Chester Taylor (RB – Vikings): 22 carries, 164 yards, 3 td
(Win: 29-22 vs. Raiders)

Bryant Westbrook (RB – Eagles): 32 carries, 148 yards
(Win: 17-7 vs. Dolphins)

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition)

Zach Brown (RB – Wisconsin): 29 carries, 250 carries, 2 td
(Win: 41-34 at Minnesota)

Michael Crabtree (WR – Texas Tech): 12 receptions, 154 yards, 1 td
(Win: 34-27 vs. Oklahoma)

Damion Fletcher (RB – Southern Mississippi): 34 carries, 211 yards, 3 td
(Win: 56-30 at UTEP)

Matt Forte (RB – Tulane): 39 carries, 194 yards, 5 td
(Win: 45-31 at Rice)

Knowshon Moreno (RB – Georgia): 22 carries, 124 yards, 1 td
(Win: 24-13 vs. Kentucky)

Louis Rankin (RB – Washington): 21 carries, 224 yards, 1 td
(Win: 37-23 vs. California)

Paul Smith (QB – Tulsa): 22/32, 390 yards, 2 td
(Win: 49-39 at Army)

Mike Thomas (WR – Arizona): 6 receptions, 125 yards, 2 td
(Win: 34-24 vs. Oregon)

Devin Thomas (WR – Michigan State): 7 receptions, 139 yards, 3 td
(Win: 35-31 vs. Penn State)

Chris Wells (RB – Ohio State): 39 carries, 222 yards, 2 td
(Win: 14-3 at Michigan)

Motor Trend Car of the Year

Cadillac CTS

NEW RULE

Choreographed decisions are worthless.

According to Pakistan’s Supreme Court, President Pervez Musharraf can seek reelection. Musharraf selected the court. He imposed emergency rule. His rationale? Fighting terrorism. Sliced phone lines fight terrorism? What is next? Opposition bombing as military protection? Essentially, Musharraf is competing. Yet, the final score has been determined. His explanations are pathetic. His tactics are criminal.

White Sox Swap Garland

On Tuesday, the Chicago White Sox traded pitcher Jon Garland to the Los Angeles Angels. As reciprocation, the White Sox received shortstop Orlando Cabrera. This exchange is intriguing. Obviously, both franchises improve. However, Chicago is pitching deficient. Following Mark Buehrle, they have nobody. Trading Garland was unfathomable.

Worth A Read

Illinois Review

Crossroads of the conservative community.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the Homeland Security Advisor?

On Monday, USC signed rapper Little Romeo. Evidently, Snoop Dogg has supplanted Tim Floyd.

According to a report, the United States prison system is “a costly and miserable failure.” A costlier and more miserable failure? Freeing every prisoner.

Consistently, Impotent Carr Ignored Reality

Lloyd Carr was infuriating. He was abrupt, churlish, discourteous, irritable, and surly. He was insolent and rude. Carr abused reporters. He punished skeptics. Within himself, Carr conveyed brilliance and conviction. Outwardly, he projected anxiety, arrogance, and insecurity.

On Monday, Carr resigned. During his press conference, Carr articulated his rationale. “I wanted to be able to walk out of here knowing that to the very last minute, I did my job to the best of my ability,” Carr said. “And I know I'll be able to do that. I'm not tired. I may look tired, but I still have a great passion for the game, for the players and for the competition. But I also know that there are some things that I don't have anymore, and so it's time.”

Potential successors include Iowa Coach Kirk Ferentz, Tampa Bay Buccaneers Coach Jon Gruden, LSU Coach Les Miles, Atlanta Falcons Coach Bobby Petrino, and Oklahoma Coach Bob Stoops. Presumably, Carr will have input. “My timing is based on one thing, what is best for Michigan football,” he said. “There are no other motives. To do it after a bowl game would have been absolutely ridiculous.”

During thirteen campaigns, Carr accrued a 121-40 record. He amassed five Big Ten titles. He also garnered the 1997 Associated Press National Championship. Versus Ohio State, Carr was 6-7. Versus Jim Tressel, he was an apocryphal 1-6. In the postseason, Carr was 5-7. Unfortunately, Michigan has lost four consecutive contests.

Ultimately, Carr never accepted this premise… Critics and reporters were not his players. He could not control them. He could not intimidate them. Media mastery is not required. However, media appreciation eases circumstances. Essentially, Carr was Woody Hayes. Except, Hayes won four national and thirteen conference championships.

Jailed Bird

Billie Martin: “From the beginning, Mr. Vick has accepted responsibility for his actions, and his self-surrender further demonstrates that acceptance. Michael wants to again apologize to everyone who has been hurt in this matter, and he thanks all of the people who have offered him and his family prayers and support during this time.”

On Monday, Michael Vick was voluntarily incarcerated. Vick’s choice should not be admired. His choice should not be commended. His choice should not be praised. Vick is a criminal. His actions were reprehensible. He is not sorry. Vick warrants no sympathy. Hopefully, he will disappear.

Townsend Joins Parade

On Monday, Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend resigned. During her tenure, Townsend protected America. Regrettably, she is another departure. Another symbol of a futile second term.

Three Cheers, Bronx

On Monday, Alex Rodriguez won the American League Most Valuable Player Award. This season, Rodriguez shimmered. He batted .314 with 54 home runs and 156 runs batted in. His triumph was deserved.

2007 College Football Award Finalists

Bo Schembechler Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Head Coach)

Randy Edsall (Connecticut)
Dennis Erickson (Arizona State)
Mark Mangino (Kansas)
Les Miles (LSU)
Gary Pinkel (Missouri)
Jim Tressel (Ohio State)

Marino-Elway Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Quarterback)

Sam Bradford (Oklahoma)
Colt Brennan (Hawaii)
Chase Daniel (Missouri)
Dennis Dixon (Oregon)
Matt Ryan (Boston College)
Tim Tebow (Florida)

Emmitt Smith Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Running back)

Matt Forte (Tulane)
Mike Hart (Michigan)
Darren McFadden (Arkansas)
Ray Rice (Rutgers)
Steve Slaton (West Virginia)
Chris Wells (Ohio State)

Jerry Rice Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Wide Receiver)

Michael Crabtree (Texas Tech)
Harry Douglas (Louisville)
James Hardy (Indiana)
DeSean Jackson (California)
Mario Manningham (Michigan)
Brian Robiskie (Ohio State)

Orlando Pace Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Offensive Lineman)

Will Arnold (LSU)
Sam Baker (USC)
Kirk Barton (Ohio State)
Jake Long (Michigan)
Drew Miller (Florida)
Brandon Walker (Oklahoma)

Bruce Smith Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Defensive Lineman)

Tommy Blake (TCU)
Glenn Dorsey (LSU)
Chris Long (Virginia)
James McClinton (Kansas)
Frank Okam (Texas)
Antonio Reynolds (Tennessee)

Lawrence Taylor Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Linebacker)

Dan Conner (Penn State)
Shawn Crable (Michigan)
Ali Highsmith (LSU)
James Laurinaitis (Ohio State)
J Leman (Illinois)
Wesley Woodyard (Kentucky)

Darrell Green Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Defensive Back)

Antoine Cason (Arizona)
Marcus Griffin (Texas)
Craig Steltz (LSU)
Terrell Thomas (USC)
DeJuan Tribble (Boston College)
D.J. Wolfe (Oklahoma)

Deion Sanders Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Athlete)

Glenn Dorsey (LSU)
James Laurinaitis (Ohio State)
Darren McFadden (Arkansas)
Ray Rice (Rutgers)
Tim Tebow (Florida)
Chris Wells (Ohio State)

Jason Hanson Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Place Kicker)

Travis Bell (Georgia Tech)
Kai Forbath (UCLA)
Chris Gould (Virginia)
Jeremy Ito (Rutgers)
Taylor Mehlhaff (Wisconsin)
Ryan Pretorius (Ohio State)

Chris Gardocki Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Punter)

Britton Colquitt (Tennessee)
Ken Debauche (Wisconsin)
Patrick Fisher (LSU)
Andrew Larson (California)
Louie Sakoda (Utah)
A.J. Trapasso (Ohio State)

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

NEW RULE

Imitation has restrictions.

On Saturday, I encountered a Jim Tressel mimic. He wore a sweater vest. He wore a headset. His hair was gray. He was signing autographs. This is ridiculous. Why sign autographs? Is he lonely? Is he delusional? Additionally, Tressel is bland. He has bread’s personality. He does not merit imitation. Steve Spurrier… he merits imitation.

Worth A Read

Popped Culture

Our brethren. Because someone has to be obsessed.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Michigan’s Coach?

Twenty Mississippi players have received probation. Evidently, they were stealing from hotels. When bottles of shampoo trump passing yards… Bad weekend for the quarterback.

Today’s top five or America’s safest states (where no one lives) (1) Idaho, (2) Montana, (3) Wyoming, (4) Alaska, (5) Kansas

BCS: Big Twelve, Big East Control Cards

1. LSU (10-1)
2. Kansas (11-0)
3. West Virginia (9-1)
4. Missouri (10-1)
5. Ohio State (11-1)
6. Arizona State (9-1)
7. Georgia (9-2)
8. Virginia Tech (9-2)
9. Oregon (8-2)
10. Oklahoma (9-2)

Line of the Morning

Governor Mike Huckabee (R-AR)

“It's the logic of the Civil War. If morality is the point here, and if it's right or wrong, not just a political question, then you can't have 50 different versions of what's right and what's wrong.”

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 4-1 Season: 23-22)

Saints (+1 ½) at Texans
Last week, the Rams defeated the Saints 37-29. This week, the Saints will recover.

Raiders at Vikings (-4 ½)
Despite Adrian Peterson’s injury, the Vikings will win.

Cardinals at Bengals (-3)
Last week, the Bengals defeated the Ravens 21-7. Assuming a victory, they could contend.

Browns (-2) at Ravens
In week four, the Browns defeated the Ravens 27-13. The Ravens have not improved.

Chiefs (+14 ½) at Colts
Last week, Peyton Manning tossed six interceptions. This will never reoccur.

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Marc Bulger (QB – Rams): 27/33, 302 yards, 2 td
(Win: 37-29 at Saints)

Jesse Chatman (RB – Dolphins): 27 carries, 124 yards
(Loss: 13-10 vs. Bills)

Brett Favre (QB – Packers): 33/46, 351 yards, 3 td
(Win: 34-0 vs. Vikings)

Ryan Grant (RB – Packers): 25 carries, 119 yards, 1 td
(Win: 34-0 vs. Vikings)

Terrell Owens (WR – Cowboys): 6 receptions, 125 yards, 2 td
(Win: 31-20 at Giants)

Willie Parker (RB – Steelers): 25 carries, 105 yards
(Win: 31-28 vs. Browns)

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition)

Colt Brennan (QB – Hawaii): 28/39, 396 yards, 2 td
(Win: 37-30 vs. Fresno State)

Jamaal Charles (RB – Texas): 23 carries, 174 yards, 1 td
(Win: 59-43 vs. Texas Tech)

Chase Clement (QB – Rice): 35/52, 364 yards, 2 td; 12 carries, 124, 2 td
(Win: 43-42 at SMU)

Daniel Dufrene (RB – Illinois): 8 carries, 106 yards
(Win: 28-21 at Ohio State)

Joe Ganz (QB – Nebraska): 30/40, 510 yards, 7 td
(Win: 73-31 vs. Kansas State)

Dominick Goodman (WR – Cincinnati): 8 receptions, 127 yards, 1 td
(Win: 27-3 vs. Connecticut)

Marcus Henry (WR – Kansas): 8 receptions, 199 yards, 3 td
(Win: 43-28 at Oklahoma State)

Paul Hubbard (WR – Wisconsin): 7 receptions, 134 yards
(Win: 37-21 vs. Michigan)

Kevin Jurovich (WR – San Jose State): 10 receptions, 233 yards, 2 td
(Win: 51-17 vs. New Mexico State)

Ray Rice (RB – Rutgers): 34 carries, 243 yards, 2 td
(Win: 41-6 at Army)

Kevin Smith (RB – Central Florida): 41 carries, 320 yards, 4 td
(Win: 45-31 at UAB)

Tim Tebow (QB – Florida): 22/32, 304 yards, 2 td; 26 carries, 120 yards, 5 td
(Win: 51-31 at South Carolina)

Chris Turner (QB – Maryland): 21/27, 337 yards, 3 td
(Win: 42-35 vs. Boston College)

Chauncey Washington (RB – USC): 29 carries, 220 yards, 1 td
(Win: 24-17 at California)

Heidi vs. Lauren: Define Your Future

Lauren versus Heidi. Lauren is a brunette. She is beautiful, considerate, studious, and stylish. Heidi is a blonde. She is arrogant, conniving, devious, and self-important. Lauren and Heidi were friends. They were roommates. Unfortunately, Heidi’s defects exploited Lauren’s virtues.

On Monday, Lauren and Heidi clashed. During Declare Yourself’s “Hollywood Celebrates 18,” Heidi confronted Lauren. Awkward silence ensued. Heidi ignored the tension and spoke. Lauren stated the obvious. Spencer may have the stirred the rumors. However, Heidi is not innocent.

The next afternoon, Heidi instant messaged Lauren. She requested a discussion. In Lauren’s apartment, Heidi apologized. Once again, she negated Spencer’s involvement. This ended their relationship. Correctly and poignantly, Lauren retorted, “I want to forgive you and I want to forget you.”