Martin Magnificent

On Saturday, Martin Brodeur registered his 500th victory. Brodeur is an exemplary individual. During his career, he has persevered. Consistently and stoically, he has performed. I congratulate him.

United States Pushes Pakistan

John Negroponte: “I urged the government to stop such actions, lift the state of emergency and release all political detainees. Emergency rule is not compatible with free, fair and credible elections. In diplomacy, as you know, we don't get instant replies when we have these kinds of dialogue. I'm sure the president is seriously considering the exchange we had.”

Parental Re-notification

In Florida, a sleeping mother’s one year old was shot. In Oregon, eight puppies were discovered frozen and dead. Clearly, parenting has degenerated. Given the aforesaid, this classic new rule.

Parenting should require a license.

Driving requires authorization. Yet, any moron can conceive, carry, and bear a child. Typically, they produce multiple. Henceforth, no more mistakes. No more pleasurable afternoons. Pre-sex, parents must be screened. Their aptitude, ambition, and attitudes must be tested. Assuming they pass, they will be licensed. Draconian? Drivers operate a car. Parents nurture our nation’s future. Equal standards must apply.

Michigan: Conclude Your Madness

On Friday, the Michigan Court of Appeals jeopardized their Democratic primary. Simply stated, Michigan should relent. They should accept failure. New Hampshire should maintain tradition. They should stage the initial primary.

Democrats: Perfect Reverse

On Friday, troop withdrawal legislation failed. Congratulations Democrats. You are zero for forty.

Shaq: Where Are You?

Dwyane Wade: “Probably this year more so than any year I have been more vocal with Shaq, talking to him and trying to motivate him. But the main thing is Shaq has got to be self-motivated. He has got to be willing and ready to do it. Even though he is not getting the ball as much as he wants, we need him to help lead this team in other ways, whether it's rebounding the ball or passing the ball the way he knows how to pass. He's our leader, [along] with myself. When you hear about the Miami Heat, it's Shaq and D-Wade. A lot is on us to lead the team and we have got to find a way to do it.”

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 3-2 Season: 27-23)

Ohio State (-4) at Michigan
Lloyd Carr’s future? Big Ten title? National championship aside, this skirmish remains significant.

Missouri at Kansas State (+7)
Next week, Missouri opposes Kansas. On Saturday, they will struggle.

Vanderbilt at Tennessee (-11 ½)
Tennessee has won six of seven contests. Simply stated, Vanderbilt is overmatched.

West Virginia at Cincinnati (+6 ½)
Despite their ranking, West Virginia is illegitimate. Cincinnati will prevail.

Oklahoma at Texas Tech (+8)
Pre-November, Bob Stoops is 66-15. During November, Stoops is 29-5. On Saturday, Texas Tech will compete.

Now You Free Her

Once again, Pakistan freed Benazir Bhutto. President Pervez Musharraf’s action was disingenuous. His soul motivation? Impressing Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte.

Peavy Garners Cy Young

On Thursday, Jake Peavy won the National League Cy Young Award. This season, Peavy dominated. His triumph was deserved.

“The Ol' Lefthander”

Joe Nuxhall
(1928-2007)

NEW RULE

Enforce their sentences.

On Thursday, Lindsay Lohan served eighty-four minutes. Previously, Lohan was charged with drunken driving and cocaine possession. Double standards are irrelevant. Lohan is wealthy. Yet, she is also a repeat offender. She warranted punishment.

Lohan is destroying herself. Placation will not help. Placation coddles her. I comprehend overcrowding. However, Lohan has a problem. If I had a problem, I would serve four days. Lohan should have also.

Survivor: Frosti’s Relationship Chills

Affection is momentary. Affection is not independent. Anger, exasperation, irritation, and rage manipulate affection. Abuse, betrayal, cheating, and duplicity annihilate affection. Affection is grand. Unfortunately, affection is unstable.

Prior to the immunity challenge, the survivors faced a choice. They could chow or compete. Courtney, Denise, James, and Todd chose food. Amanda, Erik, Frosti, and Peih-Gee chose competition. Peih-Gee garnered immunity.

Given Courtney and Frosti’s relationship, Frosti was targeted. Courtney’s vote was requested. Her decision? Remain alive. Via a 7-1 vote, Frosti was eliminated.

Worth A Read

Blogs For Victory

An online community of bloggers. Formerly, Blogs For Bush.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Lindsay Lohan’s sentence?

In Tennessee, Jack Daniels is endangered. Evidently, the whiskey was illegally sold. Fortunately, Keifer Sutherland has volunteered. During his sentence, he will consume the whiskey.

Today’s top five or college football’s premiere rivalries (1) Ohio State vs. Michigan, (2) Oklahoma vs. Texas, (3) USC vs. Notre Dame, (4) Florida vs. Florida State, (5) Oregon vs. Oregon State

Barry Bonds’ Actions Receive Consequences

Barry Bonds’ obituary is written. Upon his death, the initial sentences will be unfavorable and unflattering. Bonds cheated. Deceitfully and knowingly, one of the game's would have been greatest players engaged in a variety of acts which have stained the game.

On Thursday, Bonds was indicted. Bonds was charged with perjury and obstruction of justice. The potential federal penalties? Thirty years incarceration. “During the criminal investigation, evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance enhancing substances for Bonds and other athletes,” the indictment read.

Predictably, Bonds’ reaction was flippant. “We will no doubt have more specific comments in the very near future once we have had the opportunity to actually see this indictment that took so long to generate,” said Bonds’ Attorney Michael Rains. “All you need to know about the government's case is that they leaked an official indictment to every media outlet in America and withheld it from Barry, his lawyer, and everyone else who could read it and defend him.”

Commissioner Bud Selig’s reaction was severe. “I have yet to see the details of this indictment and while everyone in America is considered innocent until proven guilty, I take this indictment very seriously and will follow its progress closely,” Selig said.

In 1998, Bonds joined the Bay Area Laboratory Cooperative (BALCO). On September 3, 2003, BALCO was raided. On October 23, 2003, a grand jury was impaneled. On December 4, 2003, Bonds testified. He denied steroid use. On February 12, 2004, BALCO Founder Victor Conte was indicted. On March 4, 2005, Bonds testimony was leaked. On July 15, 2005, Conte and Greg Anderson (Barry Bonds personal trainer) plead guilty. On March 23, 2006, Game of Shadows was published. On March 30, 2006, Senator George Mitchell’s investigation commenced. On August 7, 2007, Bonds registered his 756th home run. On September 20, 2007, the San Francisco Giants discarded Bonds.

During his obscured career, Bonds batted .298 with 762 home runs and 1,996 runs batted in. From 1986-1999, Bonds averaged 31.7 home runs and 92.8 runs batted in. From 2000-2007, Bonds averaged 39.6 home runs and 87.1 runs batted in. During the previous three seasons, Bonds played only 270 contests.

On Thursday, Anderson was freed. Sadly, the aforesaid is a footnote. Once again, Bonds has swallowed the news. His actions’ consequences have embarrassed baseball. Bonds should be ashamed. Pathetically, his arrogance precludes this.

Teens Kill, Decapitate, & Torch

On Monday, eighteen-year-old Alexander James Letkemann and seventeen-year-old Jean-Pierre Orlewicz were charged with first-degree murder, felony murder, and mutilation of a corpse. Allegedly, Letkemann and Orlewicz abducted twenty-six-year-old Daniel Gene-Vincent Sorensen. They slit his throat. They stabbed him. They sawed off his head. They discarded his body. They burned his cadaver.

Letkemann and Orlewicz’s crime was grisly. Their crime was ghastly. Their crime was horrifying. Clearly, premeditation was involved. This should increase punishment. Prosecutors should consider their carnage. I oppose the death penalty. However, Letkemann and Orlewicz warrant castration.

NEW RULE

Quit!

On Wednesday, troop withdrawal legislation passed. For the fortieth occasion, Democrats proposed a timetable bill. Every previous endeavor has failed. Democrats must stop. They cannot assign direction. They cannot manage operations. As previously stated, the President is commander in chief. Congress cannot assign or revoke soldiers.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Speaker Hastert?

On Wednesday, San Francisco approved illegal immigrant identification cards. Those loud screams? They were New York Governor Elliot Spitzer.

According to a poll, New York University students would sell their vote for tuition. Immediately, Barack Obama started writing checks.

Wedge, Melvin: Managers of the Year

On Wednesday, Eric Wedge and Bob Melvin won American and National League Manager of the Year. Both triumphs were deserved.

O.J.’s Second Verse

On Wednesday, O.J. Simpson was bound over. Officially, we have a second Simpson trial. Until November 28, a distant replay...

Johnnie Cochran: “This is a knit cap. Let me put this knit cap on (Indicating). You have seen me for a year. If I put this knit cap on, who am I? I'm still Johnnie Cochran with a knit cap. And if you looked at O.J. Simpson over there--and he has a rather large head--O.J. Simpson in a knit cap from two blocks away is still O.J. Simpson. It's no disguise. It's no disguise. It makes no sense. It doesn't fit. If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.”

Sabathia Swipes Cy Young

On Tuesday, C.C. Sabathia won the American League Cy Young Award. Sabathia’s triumph was undeserved. Josh Beckett should have prevailed. His record was superior. His earned run average was comparable. During the American League Championship Series, Beckett defeated Sabathia twice. Sabathia was superb. With that stated, Beckett is a champion. Champions warrant recognition.

NEW RULE

Intent is required.

Concerning the California wildfires, prosecutors rejected charges. Why? The arsonist is ten years old. The wildfires were a tragedy. They damaged property. They destroyed possessions. They devastated families. With that stated, the prosecutors are correct. A ten year old can comprehend fire. He can comprehend burning. He cannot comprehend obliteration. Obviously, I sympathize with the victims. However, justice must consider facts. Thankfully, these prosecutors did.

New York Morons

On Tuesday, New York Knicks Coach Isiah Thomas benched Stephon Marbury. Subsequently, Marbury departed. He returned. He was punished. Concerning this skirmish, there were no winners. There were no losers. Marbury and Thomas are both jerks. Regrettably, they are inseparable. Why? They make each other better jerks.

Worth A Read

CSI Fanatic

Blogging Las Vegas, Miami, and New York. Featuring gossip, news, and views.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Stephon Marbury?

In San Diego, a bonobo ape was born. The ape’s name? Paris.

On Tuesday, former CIA and FBI Agent Nada Nadim Prouty plead guilty. For United States citizenship, Prouty faked a marriage. Why fake a marriage? Request adoption from Angelina Jolie.

Pedroia, Braun: Rookies of the Year

On Monday, Dustin Pedroia and Ryan Braun won American and National League Rookie of the Year. Pedroia’s triumph was warranted. Braun’s was not. Troy Tulowitzki was exemplary. He won. Defensively, he was superior. He deserved the award. Fortunately, Braun’s predecessors include Bake McBride and Jerome Walton.

Detroit Debacle?

On Monday, the Chicago Cubs traded outfield Jacque Jones to the Detroit Tigers. As reciprocation, the Cubs received infielder Omar Infante. Detroit’s offseason has been intriguing. Their success is interpretable. Personally, I am uncertain. Detroit has been busy. Have they succeeded?

NEW RULE

Sleepwalking does not acquit.

Last week, Dexter Ford was charged with rape. His excuse? The victim was sleepwalking. Seriously? Rape is disgusting, repulsive, and vile. Nothing justifies forced sex. Inebriation does not. Obviously, sleepwalking does not. Actually, sleepwalking validates rape. Seriously, can the sleeping consent?

Croyle Coronated

On Monday, Brodie Croyle supplanted Damon Huard. This season, neither have sparkled. With that stated, Croyle is Kansas City’s future. Personally, I dislike this decision. Yet, I understand the decision.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be National League Rookie of the Year?

In New York, a pigeon-feeding ban has been proposed. According to Simcha Felder, pigeons are “rats with wings.” According to pigeons, politicians are simply rats.

Evidently, women are taser shopping. Britney Spears parties are outrageous.

Musharraf: Presidential Insanity

On Monday, Benazir Bhutto was rearrested. Clearly, President Pervez Musharraf is irrational. He is impossible. The international community must act. Otherwise, Musharraf’s madness will continue.

527 Supports McCain… McCain Recoils, Romney Slimes

Senator John McCain: “Anyone who believes they could assist my campaign by exploiting a loophole in campaign finance laws is doing me and our country a disservice. I ask all of my donors and supporters, including Mr. Reed, to cease and desist immediately from supporting any independent expenditures that might be construed as benefiting my campaign indirectly. If you respect me or my principles, I urge you to refrain from using my name and image in any ads or other activities.”

Governor Mitt Romney: “It is an entire end-run on any effort to control campaign spending and offer transparency.”

McCain Adviser Mark Salter: “Mitt Romney once promised not to self-fund his campaign, and ever since has been busy robbing his kids' inheritance to do just that. If hypocrisy were an Olympic sport, Mitt Romney would be a multiple gold medal winner.”

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

NEW RULE

Biblical names are ridiculous.

Children are cruel. Theoretically, parents should reduce ridicule. Aiden. Avery. Elijah. Evelyn. Ezekiel. Malachi. Naomi. Rylie. Titus. Trinity. Seriously? Children do not need motivation. They attack. Appearance. Mannerisms. Speech. Weight. Name should not be an option.

Worth A Read

The Nosebleeds

A Cleveland Browns’ season ticket holder blogs the NFL.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Late Night television?

On Friday, former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik plead not guilty. Prosecutors have recommended incarceration. According to Kerik, Rudy Giuliani’s recommendation was better.

Today’s top five or NFL’s finest (1) New England Patriots, (2) Green Bay Packers, (3) Dallas Cowboys, (4) Pittsburgh Steelers, (5) Indianapolis Colts

Musharraf: Nothing Speak

On Sunday, Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf contradicted himself. He promised January elections. He declared indefinite emergency rule. Previously, Musharraf announced February elections. He pledged emergency rule’s end. Clearly, Musharraf is a hypocrite. He cannot be trusted.

Father Coach

Dick Nolan
(1932-2007)

New Orleans Now: LSU vs. Oregon; Big 12 Lurking

1. LSU (9-1)
2. Oregon (8-1)
3. Kansas (10-0)
4. Oklahoma (9-1)
5. Missouri (9-1)
6. West Virginia (8-1)
7. Ohio State (10-1)
8. Arizona State (9-1)
9. Georgia (8-2)
10. Virginia Tech (8-2)

Line of the Morning

Senator Barack Obama (D-IL)

“The politics of hope doesn’t mean hoping that people aren’t going to point out differences between you and, and other candidates when it comes to positions… We’re running for the presidency of the United States of America, not student council president.”

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 2-3 Season: 19-21)

Browns (+9 ½) at Steelers
In week one, the Steelers defeated the Browns 34-7. This clash will be different.

Bills (-3) at Dolphins
The Bills are playoff contenders. The Dolphins are a calamity. Favor Buffalo.

Bears (-3) at Raiders
Everyone is lamenting the Broncos, Eagles, and Ravens. Why not the Bears?

Cowboys (-1) at Giants
Since Dallas and Green Bay, the Giants’ opponents are 13-36. Their record is illegitimate.

Colts (-3 ½) at Chargers
Last week, the Patriots defeated the Colts 24-20. The Chargers will compete. With that stated, the Colts will recover.