Pistons Swap Soul, Spectacle

Chauncey Billups and Allen Iverson are a paradox. Billups has won five division and two conference championships. Iverson has won one division and one conference championship. In the 2004 NBA Finals, Billups won Most Valuable Player. In the 2001 NBA Finals, Iverson won one contest. Unfortunately, Iverson is renowned.

On Monday, the Denver Nuggets traded Iverson to the Detroit Pistons. As reciprocation, the Nuggets received Billups, Antonio McDyess, and Cheikh Samb. “We just felt it was the right time to change our team,” said Pistons General Manager Joe Dumars. “Iverson gives us a dimension that we haven't had here and we really think it's going to help us.”

According to Larry Brown, this swap is sensible. “Allen is really special,” he said. “If they want excitement in that building they're going to get it because every time he steps on the court he's going to try to win the game. And I don't think you would ever consider giving up Chauncey and Dice unless you were getting something you thought was pretty special.”

During his career, Iverson has registered 27.9 points and 6.3 assists per contest. He has tallied six thirty plus point seasons. He has also logged four twenty-six plus point seasons. “I want to thank A.I. Allen Iverson was a joy to coach,” said Nuggets Coach George Karl. “When we acquired him, there were all these nightmares and stories about how difficult he was, and he never was difficult for me.”

During his career, Billups has registered 14.8 points and 5.5 assists per contest. He has tallied six sixteen-plus point seasons. “We fortunately fall into a guy that's an All-Star caliber point guard,” said Karl. “The connection with Denver and Colorado is fun to be a part of and enthusiastic to our owners.”

Since 2002-2003, the Pistons have logged a 338-158 ledger. Yet, they have fired three coaches. They have swapped a cornerstone. Detroit cannot continue this. Eventually, Dumars deserves scrutiny.

Audrina, Heidi, Stephanie Face Familiar Predicaments

Last week, Audrina contemplated her options. Cori or Justin? Adventure or familiarity? Composure or drama? Predictably, Audrina chose Justin. As previously stated, Justin is cruel, manipulative, offensive, and rude. He is not relationship material. He never will be.

Brody, Lauren, Lo, Stephanie, and Stephanie’s boyfriend endured drinks. The ambiance was awkward. The interaction was nonexistent. The next afternoon, Spencer confronted his sister. Did Brody and Stephanie’s boyfriend scrap? Did they speak? Spencer, why do you care?

On Monday, Audrina relocated. Subsequently, she asked an important question. Would Justin live with her? Justin’s response was silence. Is he stupid? Audrina is gorgeous. She covets cohabitation. Thought is not required.

Heidi worked the XIV premiere. Unfortunately, Spencer attended. They both drank. The next afternoon, Heidi admitted her behavior. Brent Bolthouse terminated her. For Heidi, I am sans sympathy. My only question… Heidi, you intoxicated slut, what were you thinking?

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 2-3 Season: 24-20)

Titans at Bears (+3)
Eventually, the Titans must tumble.

Saints (Even) at Falcons
Versus the Falcons, the Saints have won four consecutive contests. The Falcons should concede.

Bills at Patriots (-4)
The Bills commenced 4-0. Since, they are 1-3. Favor the Patriots.

Colts (+3) at Steelers
Last week, the Colts defeated the Patriots 18-15. The Colts are reestablished.

Giants at Eagles (-3)
A defensive exhibition. Via a minimal margin, the Eagles will win.

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 3-2 Season: 30-20)

Ohio State (-11 ½) at Northwestern
Despite their offensive incompetence, Ohio State will cruise.

Georgia Tech (+4) at North Carolina
For three quarters, they will skirmish. In the fourth quarter, Georgia Tech prevails.

Alabama at LSU (+3)
Les Miles has one mission… Defeat Nick Saban.

California (+20) at USC
The Trojans are refocused. However, California will compete.

Oklahoma State (+3) at Texas Tech
Last week, Texas Tech stunned Texas 39-33. Consecutive survivals are implausible.

ER & Jurassic Park

Michael Crichton
(1942-2008)

Survivor: Marcus Schemes, Susie Scores

On Thursday, Fang and Kota realigned. Fang accepted Charlie, Corinne, Matty, Randy, and Sugar. Kota accepted Crystal, Ken, Marcus, Robert, and Susie.

For immunity, the tribes balanced boards with poles. Fang garnered victory. Pre-tribal council, Marcus schemed. His objective? Eliminate Susie. He did not succeed. Via a 3-2 vote, Marcus was eliminated.

CHANGE

President-Elect Obama Complete Text

Decision 2008 Was The West Wing

President: Republicans nominate conservative irritant
West Wing: Senator Arnold Vinick (California)
Decision 2008: Senator John McCain (Arizona)

President: Democrats nominate milestone candidate
West Wing: Congressman Matt Santos (Texas)
Decision 2008: Senator Barack Obama (Illinois)

Vice President: Republicans placate conservatives
West Wing: Governor Ray Sullivan (West Virginia)
Decision 2008: Governor Sarah Palin (Alaska)

Vice President: Democrats enlist experience
West Wing: Secretary Leo McGarry (Illinois)
Decision 2008: Senator Joe Biden (Delaware)

Democrats advance via crisis
West Wing: Nuclear accident
Decision 2008: Financial crisis

2008 College Football Award Semi-Finalists

Bo Schembechler Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Head Coach)

Bobby Bowden (Florida State)
Mack Brown (Texas)
Mike Gundy (Oklahoma State)
Brady Hoke (Ball State)
Bobby Johnson (Vanderbilt)
Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech)
Brian Kelly (Cincinnati)
Mike Leach (Texas Tech)
Joe Paterno (Penn State)
Chris Peterson (Boise State)
Nick Saban (Alabama)
Kyle Whittingham (Utah)

Marino-Elway Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Quarterback)

Sam Bradford (Oklahoma)
Chase Clement (Rice)
Chase Daniel (Missouri)
Nate Davis (Ball State)
Max Hall (BYU)
Graham Harrell (Texas Tech)
David Johnson (Tulsa)
Colt McCoy (Texas)
Zac Robinson (Oklahoma State)
Marc Sanchez (USC)
Tim Tebow (Florida)
Juice Williams (Illinois)

Emmitt Smith Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Running back)

Donald Brown (Connecticut)
Glen Coffee (Alabama)
Tyrell Fenroy (Louisiana-Lafayette)
Kendall Hunter (Oklahoma State)
MiQuale Lewis (Ball State)
Lesean McCoy (Pittsburgh)
Joe McKnight (USC)
Knowshon Moreno (Georgia)
Javon Ringer (Michigan State)
Evan Royster (Penn State)
Charles Scott (LSU)
Chris Wells (Ohio State)

Jerry Rice Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Wide Receiver)

Dezmon Briscoe (Kansas)
Kenny Britt (Rutgers)
Dez Bryant (Oklahoma State)
Austin Collie (BYU)
Michael Crabtree (Texas Tech)
Jarrett Dillard (Rice)
Juaquin Iglesias (Oklahoma)
Ronald Johnson (USC)
Jeremy Maclin (Missouri)
Brennan Marion (Tulsa)
Jordan Shipley (Texas)
Brandon Tate (North Carolina)

Orlando Pace Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Offensive Lineman)

Alex Boone (Ohio State)
Gerald Cadogan (Penn State)
Antoine Caldwell (Alabama)
Cedric Dockery (Texas)
Brett Helms (LSU)
Herman Johnson (LSU)
Alex Mack (California)
Eugene Monroe (Virginia)
Michael Oher (Mississippi)
Duke Robinson (Oklahoma)
A.Q. Shipley (Penn State)
Jason Watkins (Florida)

Bruce Smith Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Defensive Lineman)

Demonte Bolden (Tennessee)
Ron Brace (Boston College)
Evander Hood (Missouri)
Tyson Jackson (LSU)
Peria Jerry (Mississippi)
Jeremy Lomax (Georgia)
Eric Moncur (Miami-Florida)
Brian Orakpo (Texas)
Myron Pryor (Kentucky)
Darryl Richard (Georgia Tech)
George Selvie (South Florida)
Matt Shaughnessy (Wisconsin)

Lawrence Taylor Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Linebacker)

Darry Beckwith (LSU)
Rashad Bobino (Texas)
Jonathan Casillas (Wisconsin)
Maurice Crum Jr. (Notre Dame)
Brian Cushing (USC)
Marcus Freeman (Ohio State)
James Laurinaitis (Ohio State)
Clay Matthews (USC)
Rey Maualuga (USC)
Scott McKillop (Pittsburgh)
Derek Nicholson (Florida State)
Brian Toal (Boston College)

Darrell Green Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Defensive Back)

Vontae Davis (Illinois)
Trimane Goddard (North Carolina)
Michael Hamlin (Clemson)
Nic Harris (Oklahoma)
Malcolm Jenkins (Ohio State)
Taylor Mays (USC)
Mike Mickens (Cincinnati)
Josh Pinkard (USC)
Anthony Reddick (Miami-Florida)
Anthony Scirrotto (Penn State)
Curtis Taylor (LSU)
Chip Vaughn (Wake Forest)

Deion Sanders Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Athlete)

Chase Clement (Rice)
Maurice Crum Jr. (Notre Dame)
Chase Daniel (Missouri)
Graham Harrell (Texas Tech)
James Laurinaitis (Ohio State)
Rey Maualuga (USC)
Joe McKnight (USC)
Knowshon Moreno (Georgia)
Javon Ringer (Michigan State)
Evan Royster (Penn State)
Anthony Scirrotto (Penn State)
Tim Tebow (Florida)

Jason Hanson Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Place Kicker)

Josh Arauco (Arkansas State)
Dan Bailey (Oklahoma State)
Colt David (LSU)
Graham Gano (Florida State)
Kevin Kelly (Penn State)
Hunter Lawrence (Texas)
Conor Lee (Pittsburgh)
Jonathan Phillips (Florida)
Ryan Pretorius (Ohio State)
Louie Sakoda (Utah)
Brett Swenson (Michigan State)
Leigh Tiffin (Alabama)

Chris Gardocki Award
(Nation’s Most Outstanding Punter)

Britton Colquitt (Tennessee)
Matt Fodge (Oklahoma State)
John Gold (Texas)
Chas Henry (Florida)
Kevin Huber (Cincinnati)
Jonathan LaCour (Texas Tech)
Pat McAfee (West Virginia)
Chris Miller (Ball State)
Brian Mimbs (Georgia)
Aaron Perez (UCLA)
Sam Swank (Wake Forest)
A.J. Trapasso (Ohio State)

Cleveland Panics

On Monday, the Cleveland Browns chose a quarterback. Brady Quinn is their starter. Cleveland’s decision is incorrect. Quinn possesses immense talent. However, this alteration is irrational.

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Cedric Benson (RB – Bengals): 24 carries, 104 yards, 1 td
(Win: 21-19 vs. Jaguars)

Greg Camarillo (WR – Dolphins): 11 receptions, 111 yards
(Win: 26-17 at Broncos)

Owen Daniels (WR - Texans): 11 receptions, 133 yards
(Loss: 28-21 at Vikings)

Brandon Jacobs (RB – Giants): 17 carries, 117 yards, 1 td
(Win: 35-14 vs. Cowboys)

Adrian Peterson (RB – Vikings): 25 carries, 139 yards, 1 td
(Win: 28-21 vs. Texans)

Ray Rice (RB – Ravens): 21 carries, 154 yards
(Win: 37-27 at Browns)

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition)

Sam Bradford (QB – Oklahoma): 19/27, 311 yards, 5 td
(Win: 62-28 vs. Nebraska)

Curtis Brinkley (RB – Syracuse): 33 carries, 166 yards, 1 td
(Win: 28-21 vs. Louisville)

Brian Brunner (QB – Central Michigan): 35/53, 485 yards, 4 td
(Win: 37-34 at Indiana)

Jonathan Dwyer (RB – Georgia Tech): 13 carries, 145 yards, 2 td
(Win: 31-28 vs. Florida State)

Max Hall (QB – BYU): 28/35, 389 yards, 5 td
(Win: 45-42 at Colorado State)

Graham Harrell (QB – Texas Tech): 36/53, 474 yards, 2 td
(Win: 39-33 vs. Texas)

Jake Sharp (RB – Kansas): 21 carries, 181 yards, 4 td
(Win: 52-21 vs. Kansas State)

D.J. Williams (WR – Arkansas): 6 receptions, 129 yards
(Win: 30-23 vs. Tulsa)

Recession Awaits…

On Monday, automobile sales plunged. Senators John McCain and Barack Obama, your solution?

General Mortification

On Monday, the Philadelphia Phillies retained General Manager Ruben Amaro Jr. Amaro signed a three-year contract. Following a World Series championship, Amaro’s situation is unenviable.

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

NEW RULE

Barack Obama is monumental.

Concerning the economy, education, energy, foreign policy, healthcare, and taxes, Senator Barack Obama and I disagree. In my opinion, government should contract. In his opinion, government should expand. Obama and I are polar opposites. With that stated, his election is marvelous.

An African-American President of the United States. Officially, barriers are nonexistent. Birthplaces and stereotypes are irrelevant. “You can be anything” is not a cliché. If you believe, study, and work, everything is possible. Instead of Stringer Bell, you can be Obama.

BCS: Crimson Tide, Red Raiders, Nittany Lions Set Standard

1. Alabama (9-0)
2. Texas Tech (9-0)
3. Penn State (9-0)
4. Texas (8-1)
5. Florida (7-1)
6. Oklahoma (8-1)
7. USC (7-1)
8. Utah (9-0)
9. Oklahoma State (8-1)
10. Boise State (8-0)

A Manager, Metropolis, and Mindset’s Championship

In 2006, the Philadelphia Daily News was unambiguous. Their photograph? Charlie Manuel acquiescent and worn. Their headline? Lame Chuck. Manuel’s exodus was imminent. His plight was inescapable. Fortunately, Manuel survived.

On Wednesday, the Philadelphia Phillies garnered the 2008 World Series. For their manager and metropolis, the Phillies’ victory was poignant. Each nobly serves their institution. Each never garners adulation.

In 1983, the Phillies included Steve Carlton, John Denny, Von Hayes, Garry Maddox, Joe Morgan, Pete Rose, and Mike Schmidt. In 2008, the Phillies included Pat Burrell, Cole Hamels, Ryan Howard, Brett Myers, Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, and Shane Victorino. The commonality? Determination and perseverance…Qualities their city requires.

NEW RULE

Strategy is imperative.

In 2003, Senator Barack Obama praised former Palestinian Liberation Organization Spokesman Rashid Khalidi. The Los Angeles Times possesses tape. However, they will not publicize. If source protection is their rationale, the Los Angeles Times is correct. If Obama protection is their rationale, the Los Angeles Times is corrupt.

Organizations and reporters are not objective. Mindset is an issue. Unfortunately, Obama and Khalidi will vanish. Why? Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt are morons. In their opinion, they are perfect. The media ruined this campaign. Crying, screaming, and whining solve everything.

On Tuesday, the Los Angeles Times should print the truth. Obama’s character is suspect. Unfortunately, Davis and Schmidt negated this.

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 3-2 Season: 22-17)

Ravens at Browns (-2)
In week three, the Ravens defeated the Browns 2-10. In week ten, the Browns will garner revenge.

Packers (+4) at Titans
On Friday, the Packers retained Aaron Rodgers. On Sunday, Rodgers will justify this.

Cowboys at Giants (-8 ½)
Sans Tony Romo, the Cowboys are mediocre.

Patriots at Colts (-6 ½)
Last season, both were undefeated. This season, both underachievers.

Steelers at Redskins (-2 ½)
On Election Eve, Clinton Portis governs. Favor the Redskins.

Packers Vote Potential

On August 7, the Green Bay Packers traded Brett Favre to the New York Jets. Ultimately, the victor will be obvious. If Aaron Rodgers shimmers, Green Bay triumphs. If New York improves, Favre triumphs.

On Friday, the Packers retained Rodgers. Rodgers signed a 6-year, $66 million contract. “I appreciate the commitment that they've made, and I plan to reciprocate that commitment in my play and hopefully prove to them that they made the correct decision giving me this extension,” said Rodgers.

In seven contests, Rodgers has completed 145 of 221 passes for 1,668 yards with 12 touchdowns and 4 interceptions. “As we talked about in the past, we try to be proactive in our discussions with our current players, and we felt like this was an appropriate time to try to come to an agreement with Aaron,” said General Manager Ted Thompson. “We feel like this is good for the organization and the players, and we will continue this approach as we move forward.”

Currently, the Packers are 4-3. This rates $455,172 per completion?

Line of the Morning

David Plouffe

“Our number one strategic goal was to have a big playing field. We did not want to wake up on the morning of November 4th waiting for one state.”