Saturday, January 03, 2009

Betting the Pass Line (Regular Season: 47-37)

AFC Playoffs
Colts (+1) at Chargers

In the 2008 AFC Playoffs, the Chargers defeated the Colts 28-24. On Saturday, the Colts will garner their revenge.

Ravens at Dolphins (-3)
In week seven, the Ravens defeated the Dolphins 27-13. On Sunday, history will not reoccur.

NFC Playoffs
Falcons at Cardinals (Even)

An offensive exhibition. Via a minimal margin, the Cardinals will win.

Eagles (-3) at Vikings
Brian Westbrook versus Adrian Peterson. Both amass one hundred yards. However, Donovan McNabb wins the contest.

George Halas Award (NFL’s Best Head Coach)

Mike Smith
(Atlanta Falcons)

Roger Staubauch Award (NFL MVP)

Michael Turner
(Atlanta Falcons)

GAME BALLS AWARD (NFL Edition)

Adrian Peterson (RB – Minnesota Vikings)
Michael Turner (RB – Atlanta Falcons)

(Five Each)

Yahoo: President Bush’s Eight Years

President George W. Bush will be judged on what he did. He will also be remembered for what he's like: a fast-moving, phrase-mangling Texan who stays upbeat even though his country is not.

For eight years, the nation has been led by a guy who relaxes by clearing brush in scorching heat and taking breakneck bike rides through the woods. He dishes out nicknames to world leaders, and even gave the German chancellor an impromptu, perhaps unwelcome, neck rub. He's annoyed when kept waiting and sticks relentlessly to routine. He stays optimistic in even the most dire circumstances, but readily tears up in public. He has little use for looking within himself, and only lately has done much looking back.

Bush's style and temperament are as much his legacy as his decisions. Policy shapes lives, but personality creates indelible memories — positive and negative. Call it distinctly Bush.

Bush demands punctuality and disdains inefficiency. Every meeting better have a clear purpose. And it better not repeat what he already knows. He is up early and in the Oval Office by 6:45 a.m. By 9:30 to 10 at night, it's lights out. He likes to be fresh and won't get cheated on his sleep.

In sessions with policy experts, Bush tends to ask questions that get right to the nub of a sticky issue. His top aides speak regretfully about how the country never got to see that side of him, even after all this time. They describe a man who is deeply inquisitive, not blithely incurious as much of the world thinks. When Bush wants answers, guessing isn't advised. "He can sniff it out a mile away if you don't have the goods," said White House communications director Kevin Sullivan.

Other people write Bush's speeches, but he'll kick out phrases that he thinks stray from a logical progression. It's about discipline. You can tell the issues that really get Bush going, because he talks about them differently, more passionately: education, AIDS relief, freedom. They happen to be ones that can be viewed more clearly through a moral lens. That's how he sees the world.

Bush reads the Bible regularly. Another devotion: exercise. He makes time for a workout at least six days a week, wherever he is. And he goes at it hard, especially on his mountain bike on the weekends, when he pushes Secret Service agents to keep up with him. He is competitive and likes to stay in command.

Even eating is approached with sheer purpose. Bush wants his lunch ready when he is, and wolfs it down. His tastes are clear: maybe a peanut butter and honey sandwich, a BLT, or a burger. Former White House executive chef Walter Scheib learned from Bush never to serve a grilled cheese sandwich unless it came with a side of French's yellow mustard.

The man from a land of cowboy boots orders proper dress in the White House. No jeans allowed in the West Wing. Coat and tie in the Oval Office. "Orderliness in the process gave him confidence," said Peter Wehner, a former top Bush aide and now a senior fellow at the Ethics & Public Policy Center.

And if you're in Bush's presence, turn off your cell phone. Pity the person who gets the Bush stare when a Blackberry rings at the wrong time. Then there are his stories. He repeats his favorites. Like the one about the cheery rug in the Oval Office. Or the spectacular rainbow that day in Romania.

Bush's words betray him sometimes. "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country," Bush said of the Sept. 11 terrorists. "I talk to families who die," he said, meaning the loved ones of those who perish in war. "Childrens do learn when standards are high," he said in promoting his education plan.

Ivy League educated, Bush is good-natured about his verbal trip-ups. Yet he appears to have grown a bit more methodical in public, as if searching carefully for the right words. His tangled moments have undoubtedly helped shape an unflattering public perception; there are entire books of his "Bushisms." Invariably, though, people who talk to him privately — historians, journalists, dissidents — come away with a very different impression of a meticulous thinker.

It is a paradox of his presidency. Some of Bush's sillier times are of his own choosing. He doesn't take himself too seriously. Like his herky-jerky dance moves in Liberia, or his odd little tap dance while waiting for John McCain to show up one day. He likes to back-slap people. And when he's ready to move on, there are telltale signs. To end an event with visitors, he'll say, "Let's get a picture," and that's that.

Bush generally calls people by the labels of his choosing, too. Reporters, Cabinet members, heads of state — anyone is fair game for a nickname. The practice tends to add a touch of familiarity between people and the president, and Bush likes that. As for fun, Bush is far from the first president with a love for sports, but he may have advanced the cause.

In baseball season, he often has a game on TV, even for soothing background noise while he works. He quietly welcomes ball players to the executive mansion for tours or dinnertime conversation. And regardless of the sport, he loves it every time any championship team comes to the White House. Their moment is his moment.

Bush can flash a temper and impatience. But if he takes criticism personally — and he gets lots of criticism — he tries not to show it. When former press secretary Scott McClellan wrote a scathing book about Bush's leadership, the president told his senior aides to let it go. "Find a way to forgive, because that's the way to lead your life," White House press secretary Dana Perino remembers Bush advising her.

Bush is insistently — some say unforgivably — optimistic, no matter how low his poll numbers get. "Every day has been pretty joyous," he said recently, summing up one of the hardest presidencies ever known.

The toughest moments for him come when he meets the grieving families of the troops he sent to war. Or when he meets severely wounded troops in recovery. Many of the hurting tell Bush they want to get back out in active duty. He is moved by the sacrifice. "I do a lot of crying in this job," Bush once acknowledged.

He shows consideration to people close to him in little ways. He sends birthday notes to staff members. He remembers little details about their families. When he visits an Army post to thank the troops, he's been known to wander into the kitchen, too, to praise whoever cooked him the french fries. The president is a proud dad of two grown daughters, Jenna and Barbara. The public got a tiny glimpse of his softer side when Jenna married Henry Hager in May. Bush said afterward that his little girl married a really good guy. First lady Laura Bush says her husband now has a son.

Bush is not much for the social scene. He and his wife will go to friends' homes but stay away from restaurants and Washington's other delights. His aides say he doesn't like to cause a security hassle for the public. That's also why they say he speeds through his foreign travel. Even in the world's more magnificent sites, Bush often skips touristy stuff to stick to business, contributing to that incurious reputation. "I'm a nester," Bush said.

Nowhere is that more true than at his beloved, secluded ranch in Crawford, Texas. He has spent more than a year of his presidency there. Bush chops cedar, clears brush and builds mountain bike trails there. The summer heat doesn't bother him so much as enthrall him. He even set up a little competition, true Bush: People who work for him get a coveted T-shirt and bragging rights if they run for three straight miles on days hitting 100 degrees. He relaxes by reading quite a bit, mostly U.S. and world history. He likes the spy-spoofing "Austin Powers" movies. He chills out with his wife.

His time will soon be his own. "I will leave the presidency with my head held high," Bush says.

And he will leave behind a lot to remember.

2009 NHL All-Star Starters

Eastern Conference

Forward:
Alexei Kovalev (Montreal Canadians)
Forward: Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins)
Forward: Evgeni Malkin (Pittsburgh Penguins)
Defenseman: Mike Komisarek (Montreal Canadians)
Defenseman: Andrei Markov (Montreal Canadians)
Goalie: Carey Price (Montreal Canadians)

Western Conference

Forward:
Ryan Getzlaf (Anaheim Ducks)
Forward: Patrick Kane (Chicago Blackhawks)
Forward: Jonathan Toews (Chicago Blackhawks)
Defenseman: Brian Campbell (Chicago Blackhawks)
Defenseman: Scott Niedermayer (Anaheim Ducks)
Goalie: Jean-Sebastien Giguere (Anaheim Ducks)

Joe Montana Award (NFL’s Best Quarterback)

Drew Brees
(New Orleans Saints)

Walter Payton Award (NFL’s Best Running back)

Michael Turner
(Atlanta Falcons)

Steve Largent Award (NFL’s Best Wide Receiver)

Larry Fitzgerald
(Arizona Cardinals)

Anthony Munoz Award (NFL’s Best Offensive Lineman)

Kevin Mawae
(Tennessee Titans)

Richard Dent Award (NFL’s Best Defensive Lineman)

Albert Haynesworth
(Tennessee Titans)

Ray Nitschke Award (NFL’s Best Linebacker)

James Harrison
(Pittsburgh Steelers)

Michael Haynes Award (NFL’s Best Defensive Back)

Ed Reed
(Baltimore Ravens)

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 12-17)

International Bowl
Buffalo vs. Connecticut (-6 ½)

Donald Brown accrues one hundred and fifty yards. He scores two touchdowns. Connecticut romps.

Morten Anderson Award (NFL’s Best Place Kicker)

Rob Bironas
(Tennessee Titans)

Ray Guy Award (NFL’s Best Punter)

Craig Hentrich
(Tennessee Titans)

Friday, January 02, 2009

NFL Playoff Predictions

American Football Conference

First Round

(3) Miami Dolphins defeat (6) Baltimore Ravens 21-20
(5) Indianapolis Colts defeat (4) San Diego Chargers 42-17

Conference Semi-Finals
(5) Indianapolis Colts defeat (1) Tennessee Titans 35-10
(2) Pittsburgh Steelers defeat (3) Miami Dolphins 24-21

AFC Championship Game
(5) Indianapolis Colts defeat (2) Pittsburgh Steelers 31-17

National Football Conference

First Round

(6) Philadelphia Eagles defeat (3) Minnesota Vikings 17-14
(4) Arizona Cardinals defeat (5) Atlanta Falcons 35-31

Conference Semi-Finals
(6) Philadelphia Eagles defeat (1) New York Giants 20-17
(2) Carolina Panthers defeat (4) Arizona Cardinals 38-21

NFC Championship Game
(2) Carolina Panthers defeat (6) Philadelphia Eagles 31-24

SUPER BOWL XLIII
(5) Indianapolis Colts defeat (2) Carolina Panthers 42-38

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition) (Bowls – Tier Three)

Bryce Beall (RB – Houston): 22 carries, 135 yards, 1 td
(Win: 34-28 vs. Air Force)

Dezmon Briscoe (WR – Kansas): 14 receptions, 201 yards, 3 td
(Win: 42-21 vs. Minnesota)

Quentin Castille (RB – Nebraska): 18 carries, 125 yards
(Win: 26-21 vs. Clemson)

Shonn Greene (RB – Iowa): 29 carries, 121 yards, 3 td
(Win: 31-10 vs. South Carolina)

Kerry Meier (WR – Kansas): 10 receptions, 113 yards, 1 td; 1/1, 32 yards, 1 td
(Win: 42-21 vs. Minnesota)

Todd Reesing (QB – Kansas): 27/35, 313 yards, 4 td
(Win: 42-21 vs. Minnesota)

Mark Sanchez (QB – USC): 28/35, 413 yards, 4 td
(Win: 38-24 vs. Penn State)

Damian Williams (WR – USC): 10 receptions, 162 yards, 1 td
(Win: 38-24 vs. Penn State)

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 11-15)

AT&T Cotton Bowl
Mississippi (+4 ½) vs. Texas Tech
An offensive exhibition. Texas Tech will win. However, Mississippi will compete.

Auto Zone Liberty Bowl
Kentucky vs. East Carolina (-2 ½)
East Carolina commenced 3-0. They concluded 6-4. On Friday, they will salvage their season.

All State Sugar Bowl
Utah vs. Alabama (-9)

Glen Coffee scores four touchdowns. Alabama annihilates the Utes.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 9-12)

Outback Bowl
South Carolina (+3 ½) vs. Iowa
Once, Kirk Ferentz and Steve Spurrier were geniuses. Today, this pairing is pathetic.

Capital One Bowl
Georgia vs. Michigan State (+7 ½)

Knowshon Moreno versus Javon Ringer. Both amass one hundred yards. Both score two touchdowns. However, Matthew Stafford wins the contest.

Gator Bowl
Nebraska (+2 ½) vs. Clemson
Preseason, Clemson’s expectations were enormous. Nebraska’s expectations were nonexistent. Their realities are reversed.

Rose Bowl
Penn State vs. USC (-8 ½)

Bet the Trojans. Bet the trust fund.

Fed Ex Orange Bowl
Cincinnati (-2) vs. Virginia Tech

In the Bowl Championship Series, Virginia Tech is 0-3. Favor Cincinnati.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 6-11)

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
Houston (-3 ½) vs. Air Force

An offensive exhibition. Via a minimal margin, Houston will win.

Sun Bowl
Oregon State (-2) vs. Pittsburgh

Since the 2003 postseason, Oregon State is 4-0. Pittsburgh is 0-1. The selection is obvious.

Insight Bowl
Kansas (-9) vs. Minnesota

In 2008, Kansas struggled. On New Year’s Eve, they will exact their revenge.

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
Boston College (-3 ½) vs. Vanderbilt

In the postseason, Boston College has won eight consecutive contests. Vanderbilt should simply surrender.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl
LSU vs. Georgia Tech (-3 ½)

This season, LSU defeated Appalachian State, Auburn, Mississippi State, North Texas, South Carolina, Troy, and Tulane. Favor Georgia Tech.

2008’s Biggest Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

2008's Hottest Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

NEW RULE (Best of 2008 - #1)

Stop fucking politics.

McCain Campaign Manager Steve Schmidt:
“Let’s be clear and be honest with each other about something fundamental to this race, which is this: Whatever the New York Times once was, it is today not — by any standard — a journalistic organization. It is a20pro-Obama advocacy organization that every day attacks the McCain campaign, attacks Senator McCain, attacks Governor [Sarah] Palin and excuses Senator Obama. This is an organization that is completely, totally, 150 percent in the tank for the Democratic candidate. It is an organization that has made a decision to cast aside its journalistic integrity and tradition to advocate for the defeat of one candidate — in this case John McCain — and to advocate for the election of the other candidate — Barack Obama.”

Schmidt is an ass. Unfortunately, his antics are everyday. Discredit, disgrace, insult, lie, slur, smear, or tarnish… Schmidt exerts justification. He is not justified. He is not an advocate. He is not an operative. He is a conceited, preening moron.

Obviously, misdirection strategy is not unique. Schmidt is ridiculous. Others were ridiculous. Why complain? Schmidt is not merely partisan. He is poisonous. His statements are not merely tantrums. They are toxic. Americans hate politics. Schmidt is the reason. Economic crisis… Mortgage crisis…Schmidt’s indifference is obvious.

Whatever your particular problem, Schmidt does not care. He has two interests. Two interests only. Arousing fear. Assigning blame. America, this is how elections are won. Operatives collect ordinary citizens. They corral a scapegoat. They scream character, patriotism, and values. They whisper epithets.

Steve, you have embarrassed your campaign. You have embarrassed your nation. You have embarrassed politics. Resign.

The Daily Smak (Best of 2008)

This weekend, Kansas celebrated their national championship. Thousands of small town residents. No one was bitter.

On Wednesday, President Clinton labeled Barack Obama “America’s future.” Obama responded, “Thank You, Primary Loser’s Husband.”

According to the Center for Media and Public Affairs, Republican mockery trumps Democratic mockery. Have they met President Bush?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Seven & Shadows: Broncos Shock Shanahan

Iconic coaches and quarterbacks. Dynasties unite them. Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. Chuck Knoll and Terry Bradshaw. Vince Lombardi and Bart Starr. Bill Walsh and Joe Montana. Separately, they could have won. Together, they owned eras.

On Tuesday, the Denver Broncos fired Coach Mike Shanahan. “I was talking to Mike yesterday about personnel moves,” said Jay Cutler. “I'm as shocked as anybody else. I think it's the wrong move.”

During his tenure, Shanahan amassed a 146-91 record. He won Super Bowls XXXII and XXXIII. He accrued three division titles. He secured seven playoff appearances. Ultimately, Owner Pat Bowlen fired him. However, he respects Shanahan. “A change in our football operations is in the best interests of the Denver Broncos,” said Bowlen. “This is certainly a difficult decision, but one that I feel must be made and which will ultimately be in the best interests of all concerned. I appreciate the 21 years that Mike Shanahan has given to the organization as an assistant and head coach, and the two Super Bowl wins in that time. His contributions hold a special place in Broncos history.”

Without Shanahan, John Elway posted a 121-82-1 record. Elway scored six playoff appearances. Without Elway, Shanahan posted a 92-73 record. Shanahan scored four playoff appearances. Obvious question… which advanced the other’s career?

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition) (Bowls – Tier Two)

Jahvid Best (RB – California): 20 carries, 186 yards, 2 td
(Win: 24-17 vs. Miami-Florida)

Kenny Britt (WR – Rutgers): 6 receptions, 119 yards, 1 td
(Win: 29-23 vs. North Carolina State)

Chase Clement (QB – Rice): 30/44, 307 yards, 3 td; 12 carries, 72 yards, 1 td
(Win: 38-14 vs. Western Michigan)

Jeremiah Johnson (RB – Oregon): 12 carries, 119 yards, 1 td
(Win: 42-31 vs. Oklahoma State)

Da’Rel Scott (RB – Maryland): 14 carries, 174 yards, 2 td
(Win: 42-35 vs. Nevada)

Mike Teel (QB – Rutgers): 22/37, 319 yards, 2 td
(Win: 29-23 vs. North Carolina State)

Governor Malaise

As President-Elect Obama’s successor, Governor Rod Blagojevich appointed former Illinois Attorney General and Comptroller Roland Burris. Blagojevich’s maneuver is intriguing. He is not indicted. However, his confidence is bizarre. Blagojevich cannot ignore his circumstances.

Prosaic Bull

In 2010, the Pro Bowl will precede Super Bowl XLIV. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s decision is ridiculous. The Pro Bowl is an exhibition. The Pro Bowl is niche. Casual observers do not watch. They will not watch. Date irrelevant. Goodell should rethink his stupid scheme.

Mike Martz… Former Genius

On Tuesday, the San Francisco 49ers fired Offensive Coordinator Mike Martz. Once, Martz was a genius. Today, he is unemployable.

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 5-9)

Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl
Maryland vs. Nevada (-1 ½)

In the postseason, Nevada has lost consecutive contests. Maryland will not equal three.

Texas Bowl
Western Michigan vs. Rice (-2 ½)

Tim Hiller versus Colin Kaepernick. Both amass four hundred yards. Both score four touchdowns. However, Rice wins the contest.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl
Oklahoma State (-2 ½) vs. Oregon
An offensive exhibition. Via a minimal margin, Oklahoma State will win.

NEW RULE (Best of 2008 - #2)

President-Elect Obama merits respect.

Congressman Paul Broun (R-GA):
“It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force. I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may -- may not, I hope not -- but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism. That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did. When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist. We can't be lulled into complacency. You have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. I'm not comparing him to Adolf Hitler. What I'm saying is there is the potential.”

Respect should be assumed. President-Elect Obama won. His margin was substantial. His congressional majority expanded. His senatorial majority expanded. Republicans should acquiesce. Instead, we compare President-Elect Obama, Communists, and Nazis.

President-Elect Obama and I disagree. However, he is not a communist. He is not a nazi. He is not a socialist. These assertions are putrid, repugnant, and vile. President-Elect Obama’s ideas are different. His patriotism is not. Dictator comparisons are inappropriate. They illustrate our incompetence.

The campaign is concluded. The rhetoric must cease. America has problems. Americans need solutions. If Republicans cooperate, they will succeed. If Congressman Broun epitomizes them, Republicans will be a permanent minority.

Blame the Jews

The Daily Smak (Best of 2008)

This weekend, “The Day the Earth Stood Still” amassed $31 million. This afternoon, a sequel was announced. Starring Governor Rod Blagojevich, “The Week Illinois Stood Still.”

The Dallas Cowboys are struggling. On Sunday, Tony Romo was injured. On Tuesday, Pacman Jones was suspended. How serious is the situation? Jerry Jones hired General Manager Henry Paulson.

According to a former astronaut, aliens exist. NASA is aware. When did Paris Hilton retire?

Monday, December 29, 2008

Expectations Mangle Mangini

As previously stated, expectations are devastating. Expectations cripple. They maim. They smother, stifle, and suffocate deserving opportunities. Expectations for life. Expectations for money. Expectations for love. Expectations for knowledge. They always assassinate. They never advance.

On Monday, the New York Jets fired Coach Eric Mangini. “I appreciate the opportunity that Woody [Johnson] and Mike [Tannenbaum] gave me for the past three years as the head coach of the New York Jets,” said Mangini. “The organization has terrific people and I wish the Jets nothing but success. We worked hard to achieve two winning seasons out of the past three. I regret that we could not reach our goals for this year. I will always appreciate the passion and support of the fans as our focus was trying to build them a championship-caliber foundation and team.”

During his tenure, Mangini accrued a 23-25 record. He assembled one playoff appearance. “He did a great job for us for three years and he helped lay a great foundation,” said General Manager Mike Tannenbaum. “We felt, in our judgment, we want to build on that and go in a different direction.”

This offseason, the Jets acquired Brett Favre. They inked Alan Faneca, Calvin Pace, Tony Richardson, and Damien Woody. Given their commitment and collapse, retribution was warranted.

Foreign Priority

On Sunday, Pakistani suicide bombers struck. On Monday, Hamas and Israel clashed. President-Elect Obama, economics were your concern.

Cleveland Cans Genius Garbage

Since their reconstitution, the Cleveland Browns have amassed a 64-129 record. They have recorded two winning seasons. They have scored one playoff appearance. They have won zero playoff contests. For the Browns, progress would be success.

On Monday, the Browns fired Coach Romeo Crennel and General Manager Phil Savage. “Romeo was a gentleman through and through,” said Owner Randy Lerner. “He was gracious to a fault. I think it says a lot about someone when they're going through adversity who continues to do their job. To me, as well as the rest of the guys on the team, that really said a lot about coach Crennel and who he is.”

During his tenure, Crennel logged a 24-40 ledger. Meanwhile, Savage selected Braylon Edwards, Joe Thomas, and Brady Quinn. “I would like to think we are a more compelling organization to come be a part of than we were four years ago,” said Lerner.

Prior to their Cleveland arrivals, Crennel and Savage were geniuses. In my opinion, the Browns should avoid the impact hire. They should pursue the correct hire.

The Sacrificial Lion

On Monday, the Detroit Lions fired Coach Rod Marinelli. During his tenure, Marinelli logged a 10-38 ledger. This season, the Lions went 0-16. “You can't go 0-16 and expect to keep your job,” said Marinelli. “They don't fire players, they fire coaches.”

For Detroit’s impotence, Marinelli is not responsible. Misery and ineptitude consume. They smother every escape. Ultimately, the privation requires an execution.

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 5-7)

Papajohns.com Bowl
North Carolina State at Rutgers (-6 ½)

In the postseason, Rutgers has won consecutive contests. Favor the Scarlet Knights.

Valero Alamo Bowl
Missouri (-12 ½) at Northwestern
Chase Daniel amasses four touchdowns. Missouri mauls the Wildcats.

NEW RULE (Best of 2008 - #3)

Religion is not political.

Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA):
“As an ardent, practicing Catholic, this is an issue that I have studied for a long time. And what I know is, over the centuries, the doctors of the church have not been able to make that definition. And St. Augustine said at three months. We don’t know.”

Archbishop Donald Wuerl: The current teaching of the Catholic Church on human life and abortion is the same teaching as it was 2,000 years ago. From the beginning, the Catholic Church has respected the dignity of all human life from the moment of conception to natural death. Since the first century the church has affirmed the moral evil of every procured abortion. This teaching has not changed and remains unchangeable.”

This debate is irrelevant and unnecessary. This debate is moronic. Politics and religion should never entwine. When they mix, America suffers. An Archbishop versus a Congresswoman? If he exchanges catechism for campaigning, this is acceptable.

America’s politics have regressed. Insolence and pettiness are acceptable. Abortion versus Life. When does life commence? Communion is political. The aforesaid is nauseating. The truth? No one prefers abortion. Conception is a theological question. Gestation is a medical question. Healthcare is an issue. Theology is not. Who receives milk and cookies? No votes care.

The Daily Smak (Best of 2008)

According to Verizon Wireless, President-Elect Obama’s cellular records were accessed. Evidently, those three a.m. calls were pizza orders.

In Washington D.C., the Capitol Visitor Center opened. The construction was prolonged. The cost was preposterous. Apparently, Congress managed the project.

On Tuesday, Bolivian President Evo Morales labeled Peruvian President Alan Garcia “fat.” President Bush responded, “You call fat an insult?”

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sour Sixteen

Obviously, the Detroit Lions are miserable and wretched. However, they are also historic. Franchises should memorize their methods. They should study their statistics. The Lions’ ineptitude must serve as universal motivation. Otherwise, they are merely a precedent.

San Francisco Truth

On Sunday, the San Francisco 49ers retained Coach Mike Singletary. Upon Mike Nolan’s firing, the 49ers stood 2-5. They concluded 5-4. Why not extend Singletary?

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Michael Bush (RB – Raiders): 27 carries, 177 yards, 2 td
(Win: 31-24 at Buccaneers)

Mark Clayton (WR – Ravens): 4 receptions, 128 yards
(Win: 27-7 vs. Jaguars)

Larry Fitzgerald (WR – Cardinals): 5 receptions, 130 yards, 2 td
(Win: 34-21 vs. Seahawks)

Andre Johnson (WR – Texans): 10 receptions, 148 yards, 2 td
(Win: 31-24 vs. Bears)

Adrian Peterson (RB – Vikings): 21 carries, 103 yards, 1 td
(Win: 20-19 vs. Giants)

Darren Sproles (RB – Chargers): 14 carries, 115 yards, 1 td; 2 receptions, 17 yards, 1 td
(Win: 52-21 vs. Broncos)

Michael Turner (RB – Falcons): 25 carries, 208 yards, 1 td
(Win: 31-27 vs. Rams)

DeAngelo Williams (RB – Panthers): 25 carries, 178 yards
(Win: 33-31 at Saints)

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition) (Bowls – Tier One)

Aaron Brown (RB – TCU): 14 carries, 102 yards, 1 td
(Win: 17-16 vs. Boise State)

Jimmy Clausen (QB – Notre Dame): 22/26, 401 yards, 5 td
(Win: 49-21 vs. Hawaii)

Kevin Harris (RB – Wake Forest): 24 carries, 136 yards
(Win: 29-19 vs. Navy)

Gartrell Johnson (RB – Colorado State): 27 carries, 285 yards, 2 td
(Win: 40-35 vs. Fresno State)

Rusty Smith (QB – Florida Atlantic): 20/35, 306 yards, 2 td
(Win: 24-21 vs. Central Michigan)

Golden Tate (WR – Notre Dame): 6 receptions, 177 yards, 3 td
(Win: 49-21 vs. Hawaii)

Willie Tuitama (QB – Arizona): 24/35, 325 yards, 2 td
(Win: 31-21 vs. BYU)

Pat White (QB – West Virginia): 26/32, 332 yards, 3 td
(Win: 31-30 vs. North Carolina)

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 2-3 Season: 43-36)

Patriots (-5 ½) at Bills
The Bills commenced 5-1. On Sunday, they will conclude 2-8.

Giants (-7) at Vikings
Versus winning opponents, the Vikings are merely 4-4. Favor the Giants.

Cowboys at Eagles (-1 ½)
The Cowboys’ expectations were enormous. Their underachievement is predictable.

Dolphins (+3) at Jets
This offseason, the Jets acquired Brett Favre. They discarded Chad Pennington. Karma is inescapable.

Broncos at Chargers (-8)
For the AFC West, I cannot renounce my prediction.

Line of the Year (2008)

Secretary of Treasury Henry Paulson

“I won't bet against the American people. We're an entrepreneurial people, a hard-working people, and we will work through this, we always do. I wouldn't bet against the American people, and I wouldn't bet against the long-term fundamentalists of this country.”

Representative Rahm Emanuel (D-IL)

“The challenges are big enough that there's going to be an ability for people of both parties, as well as independents, to contribute ideas to help meet the challenges on health care, energy, tax reform, education. That is the tone. That is the policy. And that is exactly how we're going to go forward.”

NEW RULE (Best of 2008 - #4)

Polygamists are pedophiles.

According to Texas Child Protective Services, fifty-three fourteen to seventeen year-olds were compound residents. Thirty-one either are parents or pregnant. I am not surprised.

The polygamist males are not religious. They are horny old men. They are dirty old men. They are perverts. They perverted Mormonism. Their victims will never recover. Therefore, no one should defend them. They were not spiritual. They simply wanted sex. These men merit figurative castration. They warrant eternal damnation.

The Daily Smak (Best of 2008)

On Monday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 777.68 points. I am worried. Last night, I attempted a withdrawal. The receipt said “Are you serious?”

Last night, Hillary Clinton’s Elton John concert raised $2.5 million. Hillary loves Elton John. Her favorite song? “Can You Feel the Lute Tonight?”

In Wisconsin, Mathew Kowald has been arrested. Allegedly, Kowald’s son would not wear a Green Bay Packers jersey. Undeterred, Kowald taped his son onto a chair. He taped the jersey onto him. Finally, Britney Spears can lecture.