Luscious Girl Lost Forever?

On Saturday, Lindsay Lohan was arrested. This morning, Lohan’s Mercedes crashed on Sunset Boulevard. According to police, Lohan is suspected of drunken driving and speeding. Allegedly, cocaine was also seized.

Lohan is gorgeous. She is also exponentially talented. However, Lohan is destroying herself. Her background is unsettled. Her parents are despicable. Her influences have been unfortunate. With that stated, Lohan is solely responsible. She must cleanse her life. If she cannot, prison or worse are definite.

Suffocating Democracy

A crisis has enveloped Ukraine. On Saturday, President Viktor Yushchenko summoned troops into the capitol. Forcefully, Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych supporters repelled them. The clash concerns Yushchenko’s alleged power abuse. Following his election, Yushchenko survived poisoning. Naturally, he is distrustful. However, Yushchenko’s suspicion is injuring Ukraine. This fledgling democracy is crumbling. Sans compromise and compassion, Ukraine will disintegrate.

Solder’s Son Slaughtered

On Friday, Donnell Parker was charged with first-degree murder. Parker admitted abusing four-year-old Cameron Smith. Smith died of blunt force trauma. Currently, Smith’s mother Lavada is serving in Iraq. Parker is a despicable beast. He is also a coward. Cameron Smith was truly innocent. Parker’s actions warrant severe punishment. Parker deserves eternal damnation.

Three Choices

Kelley Earnhardt Elledge: "When we say we want to be with the top competitive Chevrolet organization anybody can read through the lines there and know there’s only three that really you can fit in that category, so if that’s our No. 1 directive, that’s what we want to do. You know, that [Hendrick] would be an awesome place to be because they’re at the top of their game right now. But you know in this sport you never know whose going to be on top of their game. Gibbs is right behind him Richard (Childress) is right behind him. Richard has stepped up his program in the last several years, Ginn Racing has stepped up their program with Bobby coming on board there and getting involved with that team."

This is unsurprising. Initially, Junior enunciated Chevrolet loyalty. He also expressed championship desire. Thus, his practical options were limited. His choices were predictable.

Rosie is Done, Rosie is Done, The View Hallelujah, Rosie is Done

On Friday, Rosie O’Donnell exited “The View.” During her tenure, O’Donnell smeared American Idol, Christians, Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, Kelly Ripa, Donald Trump, and the President of the United States. During her finale, she clashed with co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. O’Donnell is pathetic, miserable, and rude. Her opinions were despicable. I am elated she has quit.

Penn State’s Restitution

Recently, six Penn State football players were arrested. Obviously, this warrants punishment. Coach Joe Paterno’s discipline? Players must clean Beaver Stadium, work with the Special Olympics, and build a Habitat for Humanity home. Paterno deserves applause. His reprimands are appropriate. They will condemn behavior. More importantly, they will repay the offended constituency. The aforesaid is truly noble.

No News Day

According to a declassified report, current Iraq problems were anticipated. Analysts predicted both the difficult democratization and Al Qaeda’s opportunism. The aforesaid is not news. Drawbacks and war are synonymous. Glitches were pondered before World War 1, World War 2, and the Gulf War. Should we not have engaged?

Drive For the Border

Average California gas price: $3.43

Average Mexico gas price: $2.60

California full tank average: $65.00

Mexico full tank average: $45.00

Viva la, not cheaper… less expensive gas.

Done, Marginal Compromise

On Thursday, both the House and Senate passed an Afghanistan and Iraq War appropriation. On Friday, President Bush signed the funding bill. He also swallowed frivolous pork and a minimum wage increase. Obviously, the Democrats have reformed Congress.

Playing the Ridiculous Card

Marvin Lewis: "I think there's profiling, no question. We're [Cincinnati] a small place, our guys stand out, and they know that and you've got to do things the right way, but when you are arrested for, or you are pulled over for not putting on your turn signal, there's something wrong there. Many people make right turns without putting on their turn signals and that's unfortunate that we've had a guy that's pulled over for not putting on his turn signal."

Marvin, you are correct. Your players are innocent. The police are guilty. Blame them. They should not have arrested those acting inappropriately. Marvin, the police did not seed the street. However, your players stepped into the manure. Marvin, the athletes were wrong. Discipline your team. Shut your mouth.

Their Desire Versus Our Resolve

On Tuesday, President Bush declassified intelligence. In 2005, Osama bin Laden ordered a terrorist cell consummated. Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was the unit’s commander. The faction’s purpose was foreign attacks. Specifically, attacks upon the United States.

Republicans have compared the Iraq War and World War Two. Democrats have linked this conflict with Vietnam. The Republican’s analogy is correct. Nazis possessed offensive ambition. They could have chased our retreat. Al Qaeda can also. America must win this crusade. We must democratize Iraq, stabilize the Middle East, and defeat Islamic extremism. If we retreat, we are dead.

When Is Good News Bad?

On Thursday, new home sales increased 16.2%. Unfortunately, median sale prices plunged 11.1%.

American Idol: Jordin “Wins”

Jordin Sparks is America’s sixth Idol. This result was unsurprising. Blake Lewis was an outstanding entertainer. However, Jordin owned the final. Her second and third performances were exemplary.

Both Jordin and Blake should enjoy limited success. Concerning their combatants, Melinda Doolittle was the superstar. Haley Scarnato was the beauty. Sanjaya Malakar was the sensation. None of them will sell. Doolittle and Scarnato lack the required personality. Malakar is an apocryphal singer. Simply stated, this season was weak.

Regrettably, Johnson Concludes, Commences Career

On Wednesday, Keyshawn Johnson retired. In lieu of a twelfth season, Johnson joined ESPN. This decision is disappointing. Johnson was an exemplary wide receiver. His brief announcing career has been horrific. Johnson deserved additional seasons. Unfortunately, I fear he will mirror previous transitions. Another colorful athlete, who implodes as an announcer.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“The FDA has approved a pill that ends women’s periods. That’s good news for women. Even better news for men. I believe the pill is called Hallelujah.”

The Tonight Show

Hill Frozen Out

On Wednesday, the Orlando Magic dismissed Coach Brian Hill. Apparently, Orlando’s two season improvement was inadequate. This maneuver was bizarre. Hill’s coaching exceeded Orlando’s talent. Obviously, Dwight Howard is a superstar. However, his supporting cast includes Tony Battie and Jameer Nelson. Hill’s exodus was unwarranted. He should have been retained.

Offensive Hire

On Tuesday, the Houston Rockets hired Coach Rick Adelman. Immediately, the offensive authority discussed Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming. "I've always felt that if you can put a player in a position to be better, and they know that's happening, that's going to make the team better and they're going to buy into what you're trying to do," Adelman said. "I know that's successful, because I've done it in the past."

During his career, Adelman has accrued a 752-481 record. Adelman scored two western conference championships with the Portland Trailblazers. He also led the Sacramento Kings into a western conference final. Sacramento should have never fired Adelman. Houston hiring him is brilliant. Jeff Van Gundy was an adequate leader. Adelman is vastly superior. He will easily spearhead Houston’s resurgence.

Ego on Speedway

On Tuesday, NASCAR cancelled the car of tomorrow’s (COT) phased implementation. Instead, the COT will own 2008. The COT’s principle is not safety. The COT compliments Brian France’s ego. NASCAR could have modified their existing product. Instead, they crafted a boring car.

Bombing Response?

On Tuesday, police arrested Liberty University student Mark David Uhl. Uhl had crafted homemade bombs. Allegedly, his target was the “God Hates America” church’s planned protest. The protesting church is despicable. With that stated, Uhl’s actions are unforgivable. Public condemnation and competing protest are appropriate responses. Violence and bombing are not.

The Big Five (5/20)

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five (5/20)

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Rosie Melts Down

Stating the Obvious

President Bush: "I frankly view what's taking place in Washington today as pure political theater. I stand by Al Gonzales and I would hope that people would be more sober in how they address these important issues."

Hollywood’s Hottest

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“You here about this Phil Specter trial in California? Have you been following this ladies and gentleman? Prosecutors described him as a narcissist obsessed with his wig…. It’s as if I have a twin.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Selecting the Bruised

On Monday, Florida advanced their primary. Their vote will now occur January 29. The Presidential selection process is mangled. States are maneuvering, catapulting, and racing. The aforesaid must cease. Reform must occur. America deserves the premiere Republican and Democratic candidates. America does not deserve two compromised candidates.

Quarter-Brat

On Monday, quarterback Mitch Mustain officially transferred. Previously, he was an Arkansas Razorback. Henceforth, he is a USC Trojan. Mustain is both spoiled and immature. During his freshman season, Arkansas forced him into a signal caller competition. Following said season, Mustain’s high school coach departed the Razorbacks. Childishly, Mustain took his talent and transferred. He is pathetic.

Marching Into Infection

Prior to clicking an ad, 409 people owned computers without viruses. The damning ad? “Click Here to Get Infected.” Inherently, people are lemmings. Disaster invites and we traipse blindly into the fire.

Satan Resides in Hell

Joshua Royce Mauldin burned his infant daughter in a hotel microwave. His wife blamed the devil. Satan is not earthly. He cannot compel action. Both Mauldin and his wife are despicable. Their actions were ghastly and horrific. Personally, I hope each rots in hell.

Crisis of Coherence

President Carter: "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history. The overt reversal of America's basic values as expressed by previous administrations, including those of George H.W. Bush and Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon and others, has been the most disturbing to me. We now have endorsed the concept of pre-emptive war where we go to war with another nation militarily, even though our own security is not directly threatened, if we want to change the regime there or if we fear that some time in the future our security might be endangered. But that's been a radical departure from all previous administration policies. The policy from the White House has been to allocate funds to religious institutions, even those that channel those funds exclusively to their own particular group of believers in a particular religion. As a traditional Baptist, I've always believed in separation of church and state and honored that premise when I was president, and so have all other presidents, I might say, except this one."

President Carter is pathetic. Former presidents do not criticize the current. Additionally, Carter’s assertions are ridiculous. Overt policy reversal and forsaking American values? Please. Not everyone can broker hollow peace agreements. There are those who laud Carter’s foreign policy as exemplary. As response, I offer three words… Iranian hostage crisis.

Their Future in the Past

According to White House advisors, Russia’s covert foreign intelligence operations are Cold War equivalent. Vladimir Putin is deceitful and treacherous. He is also a Soviet proponent. If possible, he would hoist the Sickle and Hammer tomorrow.

American Idol Live Blog

Blake Lewis (25 – Washington)

His ensemble is bizarre. The dress jacket for this selection? With that stated, I am elated he chose “Give Love A Bad Name.” His performance is phenomenal. This is a replay of his previous endeavor. The commencement, beat boxing, playing off the drummer… they mirror the previous performance. Incredible finale beginning. Randy, the scene was alright? Paula is correct. His ears require adjusting. Simon is also correct. He is an outstanding performer. The aforesaid matters.

“She Will Be Loved” is an interesting choice. His vocals are apocryphal. Basically, he is whining. His ensemble is appropriate. The sweater is his trademark. The song also molds his matinee exterior. However, this was a terrible selection. This was an appalling performance. Randy, nice vocal? Are you stoned? Simon is right. Terrible finale choice.

His backdrop and positioning are exemplary. The created mood is believable. His commencement is extraordinary. This song possesses a country vibe. However, he is nailing the tone. His emotion is believable. His vocals are outstanding. With the finale even, he could easily win with this. Transcendent performance. Randy, alright? Possibly, your ears are broken. Simon, he appeared natural. He was not frustrated. His conclusion was great.

Jordin Sparks (17 – Arizona)

“Fighter” is an intriguing selection. The emotion appears forced. She has lived her brief career on television. I cannot stomach the hardship vibe this song conveys. Her singing is adequate. With that stated, the contrived emotion eviscerates the performance. Horrible opening. Paula, stellar? Are your ears broken? Simon is correct. The vocals were shrieking. Great call, Simon.

Is she seated atop a bowling ball? Her commencement is flawless. The ensemble is also beautifully understated. The buckle is excessive. However, performance overshadows her fashion. Her emotion is believable. Her vocals are exquisite. She has rejoined the competition with this epic endeavor. Randy and I concur. Amazing performance.

The mood is eerie. Her commencement is satisfactory. However, she appears nervous. Her outfit is beautiful. Although, I would have avoided black. The endeavor is accelerating. Her beginning was questionable. However, her middle and conclusion are splendid. Outstanding performance. In my opinion, the winning performance.

Line of the Morning

Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

“What the speaker needs to realize is there is another branch of government called the executive.”

An Average, Immense Failure

On Friday, the Houston Rockets fired Coach Jeff Van Gundy. During his press conference, Van Gundy lamented past and future. "I feel bad that I wasn't able to help McGrady and Yao and the rest of the guys get over the hump and also that I won't be with them as they go on because I know they have a lot of success ahead of them," he said.

Overall, Van Gundy has logged a 430-318 record. Unfortunately, his playoff ledger is only 44-44. In Houston, Van Gundy tallied a 182-146 record. In New York, he posted a 248-172 record. During his career, Van Gundy has scored one conference championship.

Van Gundy is a satisfactory coach. However, the NBA is littered with mirrors. Mike Dunleavy, Lawrence Frank, Brian Hill, Sam Mitchell, Doc Rivers, Byron Scott, and Scott Skiles. Does Van Gundy trump them? Obviously not. He failed with Patrick Ewing, Tracy McGrady, and Yao Ming.

Democracy Awakens

Television shutdown spurs mass opposition. Since his election, Hugo Chavez has been oppressing democracy. Chavez is both egomaniacal and dangerous. Finally, Venezuelans have realized this.

Nail This Monster

Utilizing a claw hammer, a California seventeen year old brutalized a female classmate. The victim sustained a broken nose, shattered leg, and multiple scalp lacerations. The attacker has been charged with attempted murder and assault. This assailant is a menace. He should not enjoy hospitalization. He deserves severe incarceration.

A Triple Crown Ruined

Bill Maher’s Gay Religion

Half A World Away… A Painful Existence

In America, children play video games. They discuss television. They mimic Lebron James and Michael Vick. In the Central African Republic, children carry weapons. They kill adults. They idolize superior tyrants. The latter deserve peace. Thankfully, peace appears imminent.