A-Rod: Reality’s Slugger

On Saturday, Alex Rodriguez registered his 500th home run. This milestone is unfathomable. This milestone is unassailable. During his career, Rodriguez has sparkled. He has tallied four thirty-plus, five forty-plus, and two fifty-plus home run seasons. Rodriguez is an authentic performer. I congratulate him.

Retribution, Not Reform

On Saturday, the House passed energy legislation. Specifically, they punished oil companies ($16 billion in taxes). They ignored coal, oil, and natural gas production. America needs energy reform. Oil profits are excessive. With that stated, this legislation was retaliatory. Democrats, taxes are not the answer.

Juvenile Justice

On March 30, eighteen-year-old Gary DeVercelly died. The cause of death? Excessive alcohol consumption. On Friday, Rider University Dean of Students Anthony Campbell, Dean of Greek Life Ada Badgley, and students Adriana DiDonato, Dominic Olsen, and Michael Tourney were charged with aggravated hazing. These charges are ridiculous. They are unjustifiable. Fraternity and Sorority hazing is asinine. With that stated, personal responsibility exists. College students are adults. They can say no.

Len Pasquarelli: Signal Caller’s Mixed Results

Even before the final selection was made in the 1999 NFL draft, a lottery in which five passers went off the board among the initial dozen selections, then-San Diego Chargers general manager Bobby Beathard offered a bold assessment of the quarterback quintet.

Two of the signal-callers, opined Beathard, one of the best talent evaluators in league history and a man some feel merits strong Hall of Fame consideration, would be gone from the NFL in a few years. Two more likely would have representative but fairly unspectacular careers, Beathard noted, and one probably would be a frequent Pro Bowl performer.

Eight years later, history shows that Beathard's prediction wasn't exactly right-on, but it wasn't too far off, either.

Less than four years after that much-hyped 1999 draft class made headlines, three of the quarterbacks taken in the first round -- Tim Couch (No. 1 overall), Akili Smith (No. 3) and Cade McNown (No. 12) -- were out of the league. Couch, who did not play in the league the past three seasons because of shoulder problems, launched a comeback with the Jacksonville Jaguars last week. Smith is a backup in the CFL, and McNown has long since retired.

Now with his third franchise in three seasons, Daunte Culpepper (No. 11) probably deserves an asterisk next to his name because he was on his way to a very good career until tearing three ligaments in his right knee in an October 2005 game. Even Donovan McNabb (No. 2), the best of the bunch from the '99 draft class and a quarterback who seemed destined to lead the Philadelphia Eagles to a Super Bowl someday, comes complete with a caveat, having finished three of the past five seasons on injured reserve.

So was Beathard remarkably prescient or just playing the odds in assessing those first-round quarterbacks before they had taken their initial snap in the league?

Probably a little of both.

Having scouted the prospects, Beathard certainly knew the intimate details of their strengths and weaknesses and possessed some instincts about their potential. And having experienced the highs and lows of quarterback-related decisions -- e.g., winning three Super Bowls in Washington with castoffs such as Joe Theismann and Doug Williams and late-round draft pick Mark Rypien, then bombing out monumentally on the selection of Ryan Leaf in San Diego with the second overall pick in 1998 -- he also understood firsthand what a crapshoot it can be to invest a high pick on a quarterback.

"You hold your breath with any first-round pick," said one current college scouting director, who acknowledged his track record includes as many misses as hits at the game's most crucial position. "But at quarterback, it's more than holding your breath. You get a big knot in your stomach when you're turning in the [draft] card with the guy's name on it. I mean, there have been times where, we've made a decision [on a quarterback], our guy in New York is going up to turn in the pick, and I wished I could reach out and tackle him because I was already having [reservations]. It shouldn't be such a hard position to grade, should it? But, hey, it is."

Truth be told, there are other positions, such as defensive tackle or even wide receiver, with failure rates even higher than the one at quarterback.

But the football world pays significantly less attention, and the fans are inordinately more forgiving, when a team's first-round safety goes bust than when a quarterback turns out to be a lemon. Longtime Bengals fans will remember the shortcomings of first-round passers such as Smith and David Klingler (1992) long after they've forgotten that Cincinnati chose flops such as defensive end John Copeland (1993) or linebacker Joe Kelly (1986).

It's difficult for team management, too, to adopt selective amnesia when it misses miserably on a quarterback prospect.

"That's painful for any team," said former Buffalo Bills general manager Tom Donahoe. "It sets your franchise back. It's tough recovering from that."

It's expensive, too.

Cincinnati spent more than $12 million on Smith, who started only 12 games, before it cut him. But that was just the tip of the financial iceberg. Because of Smith's failures, the club was forced to sign Jon Kitna as a free agent. Then, four years after taking Smith third overall in 1999, had to use the first overall choice in 2003 to take Carson Palmer, who was awarded a pricey rookie contract and, subsequently, an even more lucrative contract extension.

The Bears suffered a similar fate. After McNown bombed, Chicago chose Rex Grossman in the first round of the 2003 draft. San Diego grabbed Drew Brees in the second round of the 2001 draft. The Chargers took Eli Manning, then traded him for Philip Rivers in a historic swap during the 2004 draft, essentially because of the Leaf fiasco.

Had Smith, McNown or Leaf been the quarterback those teams believed each to be when they picked, the subsequent maneuvers would have been unnecessary.

Noted former Green Bay general manager Ron Wolf: "When you miss [on a quarterback], you're always trying to make up for it, to compensate, and that complicates things. Most times, it just makes matters worse."

But why do some quarterbacks with obvious physical talents strike out in the NFL when others who might not possess similar skill sets prosper?

Well, there's an adage oft-cited by scouts that suggests: "The tape doesn't lie."

Essentially, scouts pore over video of prospects, track their college performances and, even with evaluation tools such as the combine and individual workouts, put more stock in the film review than in any other component of grading a player. Although it's true that a player can't hide physical flaws on tape, at least not given the miles of videos scouts peruse, there are some qualities that can't be captured on celluloid.

"To me, maybe the most important thing to have is mental toughness, and it's probably the element that is most overlooked," Tampa Bay quarterback Jeff Garcia, who entered the NFL as a free agent from the CFL at age 29, said last week. "It's an incredibly hard position to play. You've got so much information to formulate and formulate it quickly.

So mental aptitude is critical. But the ability to overcome adversity, to hang in and get things turned around for you and your team, that's even [more important]. I'm not saying that's why so many guys fail, but I think it's a big reason."

Think about Smith in Cincinnati. In college, Smith had just one big season at Oregon, and he played in a system there that seemed to enhance his particular skills and camouflage some of his weaknesses. There wasn't really a solid foundation to his game. When challenged to step up at the NFL level, the one-year college wonder left coaches and teams wondering why he wasn't capable of delivering results.

Certainly the low-round selections who have achieved success in recent seasons -- Tom Brady in New England (sixth round), Marc Bulger in St. Louis (sixth round), and Jake Delhomme of Carolina (free agent), to cite a few -- are blessed with mental toughness.

Bulger bombed with two teams, and was a practice squad afterthought, before landing in St. Louis, earning a roster spot and recently a $65 million contract extension. Delhomme played sparingly in New Orleans before signing with the Panthers.

"Some of it is just playing time, getting an opportunity and taking advantage of it, but a lot of it is just believing in yourself, riding out the tough times and never losing faith," Delhomme said this week. "You've got to be wired a certain way, you know? If not, then you just become one of those [failure] statistics."

Actually, those statistics probably aren't as dismal as most people think.

Consider this: Of the 32 projected starters in the league for the 2007 season, 18 of them are former first-round choices and 23 are first-day selections. Nineteen of the 32 are still playing with their original franchises.

But here's another number that indicates a quarterback doesn't necessarily have to be a high-round selection to become a top-shelf player: Of the dozen starting quarterbacks in the past six Super Bowls, only four were first-round choices. There were just as many starting Super Bowl quarterbacks taken in the fourth round or lateras in the first, and half as many came into the NFL as undrafted free agents.

Brady, who owns three Super Bowl rings and could challenge for a fourth this season, is perhaps the prime example of a low-round pick who not only made good but carved out fortune, fame and maybe a niche in the Hall of Fame for himself. Had it not been for a severe internal injury suffered by then-New England starter Drew Bledsoe in 2001, Brady might have been holding a clipboard -- instead of hoisting a Vince Lombardi Trophy -- for a long time.

"Sometimes, you've got to be lucky," Brady said during a June minicamp. "Sometimes, the breaks just have to go your way."

Sometimes, it seems, that's also true in selecting quarterbacks.

Edwards Cuddles, Chastises News Corp

On Thursday, John Edwards demanded Democrats forfeit Rupert Murdoch money. Unfortunately, Edwards and News Corp have canoodled. In 2006, Edwards received $800,000. Edwards is a lightweight. His hypocrisy is hilarious. Senator Sunshine, you are not a liberal. You are an opportunistic sleaze.

John Clayton: Favre in Twilight

Five years ago, Brett Favre's daughter tried to help him bridge the generation gap between him and his younger teammates.

She bought him an iPod. Until last year, it stayed in the box.

Seeing an entire locker room of 22- and 23-year-olds chilling to tunes last season, Favre finally opened the box, had his daughter download some songs and headed to the airport to catch the team plane. "Is there actually music in there?" players joked to the new, hipper Favre.

"My cell phone is seven years old," Favre said. "But mine is the only one that works on a daily basis."

It's not easy being Brett Favre these days. He operates in a locker room of young strangers. He knows I formations and X receivers more than he does iPods and Xboxes, and the generation gap within his huddle is growing.

"I have people tell me all the time that they feel for me," Favre said. "They say, 'You don't have any friends.' That's not necessarily true. It's business to me now. I take losses tougher now than I ever did. Most of my career, I didn't have many losses."

Don't misunderstand Favre. He loves the game of football and the Packers. He loves his teammates. Remember, he decided to return and isn't looking back on that choice. Still, it's an adjustment running a huddle filled with kids only four or five years older than his daughter. He didn't create the generation gap, the reconfiguration of Green Bay's roster did.

But make no mistake about Favre's agenda this year. He's focused on only one thing: winning. He hopes everyone is with him because the clock is ticking. Although many believe Favre could play past this season, Favre understands the importance of this year.

"Any more 4-12, 8-8 seasons at my salary, it's time to cut your losses," Favre said. "I hope that doesn't happen."

Favre came back for a 17th season to win, but his return to the Packers may be most ironic occurrence in the NFL this season. He's on a team that is building for the future, and although he could play a few more years, those who know Favre understand his biological clock. His future, at age 37, is now.

With the possible exception of Roger Clemens' tour of the Yankees minor league teams during his prep starts for this year, Favre is in one of the more amazing generation gaps in sports. He's within a couple years of being old enough to be some of his teammates' fathers.

Being hip and young is one thing, but being able to communicate with youth is another.

Still, Favre's teammates say it's a fun interaction.

"He's a character," said 23-year-old wide receiver Greg Jennings. "He's great. I love his stories. He never stops."

One has to wonder whether Favre revealed to his young audience what he was like as a 22-year-old. How he was so wild as a rookie the Falcons traded him to Green Bay, giving the Packers a quarterback for the ages. He remembers being young and thinking he could play forever in this league.

While Favre has seemingly played forever, he has also watched so many players who couldn't. Those experiences made him appreciate the importance of now.

"Young guys are thinking like this is going to go on forever," Favre said. "I don't have much time left. I'm here to win."

There were times when it was tough for Favre to fly home after a loss. He'd sit in his seat doing a crossword puzzle to keep busy, but his mind would be racing through the mistakes made in defeat and the corrections needed for the next game. What was worse were some of the sounds he'd hear on those flights home.

"Sometimes coming back on planes you can't tell if we won or lost," Favre said. "You hear some players in the back laughing. I don't question whether or not they care -- I know they do care -- but it's a big difference for me."

While Favre loves the game, he drags through some of the mundane tasks more than he did in the past. He laughs when he sees young players eagerly zipping along for practice. He tells the anecdote of training at his daughter's high school this offseason. Favre would struggle through a workout. When he'd finish, kids would come over and ask if he was going to run with them, prompting a Favre grumble.

"I see guys here running around being energetic," Favre said. "No thanks. I'm just trying to get through the day."

Favre keeps preaching to turn young energy into football efficiency. The offense, after all, doesn't work consistently if mistakes are made at 110 percent effort. He wants his teammates to be accountable and constantly improving.

Although 8-8 isn't Favre's goal, he had his moments last season, and there are still has a few old-school Packers around. Wide receiver Donald Driver, 32, has been around long enough to know what makes Favre tick.

"He's OK if you keep him laughing," Driver said. "I remember a play in the Seattle game last year. I caught his eye on a pass and took it 48 yards for a score. Before he threw it, he looks at me and winks. Having fun is the way to keep him enjoying the game. Once he gets to the point where he doesn't enjoy the game, that's when he will retire."

Though Favre saw some good, he also saw the bad last season. It affects him because he wants to win and mistakes drive him crazy. That, in itself, is funny. Favre used to complain about Mike Holmgren beating him up for mistakes. Now, the 37-year-old sounds Holmgren-like.

Jennings, for example, ran a deep route when he was supposed to run a short hitch.

Vikings corner Fred Smoot intercepted Favre's pass to the shorter route and returned it for a touchdown. That throw, toward the end of last season, was one of the nagging interceptions that stayed with him.

"The hardest thing is my focus and their focus are different," Favre said. "I guess in some ways, I was the same way when I was younger. You think you are going to be around forever. After a bad play, you think, 'Oh, well.' I just think I'm here for one reason -- to win."

Camp started tough for Favre. Rocky Byrd, his wife's stepfather whom Favre was very close to, passed away. It forced him to miss a good portion of this week's practice. Favre hated to leave because he wants to practice hard and even wants to play more in the preseason.

He knows the importance of this camp.

"I worry because I don't have any chemistry with the running backs," Favre said. "Noah Herron has been around the longest, but I don't know how much he'll be in there. I don't know if one guy likes the handoff at one angle or another angle. We have such a small window, I need all the time we can get."

Favre just wishes his daughter could download some of those experienced Packers onto his iPod.

NEW RULE

Everyone is entitled to shut up.

Paul Zeise: “It's really a sad day in this country when somehow ... Michael Vick would have been better off raping a woman if you look at the outcry of what happened. Had he done that, he probably would have been suspended for four games and he'd be back on the field. But because this has become a political issue, all of a sudden the commissioner has lost his stomach for it.”

Zeise is repulsive. Unfortunately, he is a typical sports reporter. Zeise and his ilk do not act professionally. They mirror bar patrons. Their opinions are ridiculous. Sports reporters, you are mostly irrelevant. You are not Howard Cossel. You are not Jim Rome. You are not ESPN’s next. With that stated, you are professionals. Allegedly, you supersede the average fan. Either stop mimicking them or shut up.

Coaches Announce Top 25

Obviously, USC merits prime billing. However, LSU, Ohio State, Oklahoma are suspect. They possess offensive deficiencies. Florida, Michigan, and West Virginia have superior talent. They should excel. Texas and Wisconsin could emerge. Penn State, Tennessee and UCLA are intriguing sleepers.

1. USC
2. LSU
3. Florida
4. Texas
5. Michigan
6. West Virginia
7. Wisconsin
8. Oklahoma
9. Virginia Tech
10. Ohio State
11. Louisville
12. California
13. Georgia
14. Auburn
15. Tennessee
16. Rutgers
17. UCLA
18. Penn State
19. Nebraska
20. Arkansas
21. Florida State
22. TCU
23. Boise State
24. Hawaii
25. Texas A&M

Joe Schad: Football Uniting Virginia Tech

The reminders are everywhere on campus.

Memorials. Tributes. Questions.
But for two hours on a blistering Thursday afternoon, Virginia Tech football players were able to do something they hadn't since the tragedy of April 16.

Practice. And escape.

"I think it's a relief," Virginia Tech quarterback Sean Glennon said. "We've been asked so many questions. There's been so much media attention. 'When are you going to get back out there?' Now it's good to have all these questions behind us. Just to be back out here and to be with my teammates. It feels good to be out here throwing the football around. I missed it."

There were many messages delivered by Coach Frank Beamer in a Wednesday evening team meeting. And in a group huddle on the practice field 15 minutes into Thursday's practice.

• Embrace and live up to high expectations.
• Play not just for yourself, but for others.
• Be leaders for the university.
• Be stronger than ever.

In the middle of the practice field, attached high on a coaching tower, hung a sign that read: "VT: Team United. Strength In Unity." Above that sign was a flag with the school-endorsed logo honoring the 32 people who lost their lives at the hands of an on-campus shooter.

"People look up to us and expect us to bring the university back together," backup quarterback Ike Whitaker said. "As a family we want to move forward but at the same time bring them with us."

Beamer does not want his players to forget those who died or were injured.

"All of us have to work hard to give this school, give this community, give the alumni something to be proud of," Beamer said. "And that means getting out here and getting a little bit better every day."

Glennon, who once attended high school with the student who killed Virginia Tech classmates and professors, said he believes the football program can have the same type of impact on the Blacksburg community as LSU and the Yankees once had for post-Hurricane Katrina and post-9/11. He also believes the motivation of honoring those who died will be a factor this season.

"Today there was emotion," Glennon said. "There is no doubt we had extra pep in our step. And that's a good thing."

Said wide receiver Eddie Royal: "When I am tired, I want to push so I can give people something to cheer about. To have a full practice today meant a lot. You can come out here in the summer and run around, but it's not the same. The tempo was up. The coaches were out here. It was fun to be in an organized environment."

As opposed to chaotic, which it has seemed so often for the players since April 16.

Beamer has prepared his players for the inevitable questions prior to every game this season about the tragedy by exposing them to media consultants. Glennon said the most normal place for him to be is on a football field and that normalcy will truly return on Sept. 1, when a raucous crowd watches the Hokies kickoff the season against East Carolina (ESPN, noon ET).

"Football is just a game," Glennon said. "And to be practicing again is great. But there is not going to be anything better for the Blacksburg community than a Virginia Tech football game."

Worth A Read

Hayden Rocks

Hayden Panettiere pictures, news, and gossip. Save the blogosphere, save the world.

Poison Perez

On Friday, Detroit Tigers infielder Neifi Perez received his third suspension. According to the collective bargaining agreement, repetitious use cannot penalize players. Translation? Perez has tested positive for separate banned substances. Perez is a moron. He is a cheating lightweight. Thankfully, his career is finished.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be an insurance liability?

Yesterday, Bud Selig compared Hercules and himself. An actual comparison? Bud and the great white dope.

Britney Spears as a dating website spokesperson. Seriously. A website has offered $500 and unlimited dates. What a great reality show. America’s Next On Top Ms. Federline.

Manchester U-Nine-Year-Old

Feinstein Example

On Thursday, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) advanced Judge Leslie Southwick. How? She voted with Republicans. Senator Feinstein merits applause. She exhibited an attitude of fairness. Democrats should mirror her example.

Backhanded Politics

On Thursday, the Senate passed ethics reform. Simultaneously, the House restricted troop deployment. The former is insufficient. The latter is a weasely withdrawal attempt. President Bush, veto them both.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Paris Hilton is doing a new film. It’s about organ harvesting. I said that’s funny. I think I saw her the internet harvesting an organ.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Despite Reversal, Insurance Not Villains

On Thursday, the United States 5th Circuit Court of Appeals relieved insurance providers. The court limited their liability. Hurricane Katrina was horrific. Obviously, insurance is a convenient target. However, Americans should refrain. Instead, they should blame Governor Kathleen Blanco, Mayor Ray Nagin, and the federal government.

NEW RULE

Whining is not news.

The Fair Housing Advocates Association and an Akron mother are suing a condo complex. Why? A one year old cannot swim. For health and safety, the pool bans sub three year olds. Both Fox News and WKYC featured stories. Seriously? One mother’s stupid complaint is not news. Barack Obama’s Pakistan comments, the Minnesota Bridge collapse, and the Iraq War… these are news. Henceforth, News Directors, ask yourself two questions. Does this affect the public? Will the public label this stupid? If the first answer is no or the second yes, the occurrence is not news.

Davis Death Definitely Homicide

Concerning Jessie Marie Davis, the cause of death was homicide. However, precise means were not pinpointed. This revelation is disturbing. I sincerely hope Bobby Cutts’ prosecution is unaffected.

The Daily Smak

Paris Hilton has announced a plus size shoe line. Evidently, she is tired of everyone slipping into her pants.

On Wednesday, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Dennis Kucinich announced Hollywood fundraisers. Prestigious locations. Clinton and Obama’s in nightclubs. Kucinich’s in Madam Toussaint’s wax museum.

Finally, I tip the ol’ ball cap (colt blue) to Tony Dungy. His book is the New York Times number one.

Garnett’s Project: Restoration

Kevin Garnett was the next never. Patrick Ewing, Tony Gwynn, and Dan Marino were nevers. They starred. They personified a city. They never won championships. For a dozen seasons, Garnett sparkled. He captivated Minneapolis. He never won. Unlike Ewing, Gwynn, and Marino, he never accrued a conference championship.

On Tuesday, the Minnesota Timberwolves traded Garnett and a first round selection (2009) to the Boston Celtics. As reciprocation, the Timberwolves received Ryan Gomes (forward), Gerald Green (forward), Al Jefferson (forward), Theo Ratliff (center), Sebastian Telfair (guard), two first round selections (2008 & 2009), and cash considerations. Upon his Boston arrival, Garnett signed a 3-year, $51 million contract.

The swap left Minnesota General Manager Kevin McHale reflective. “The past few seasons our on-court performance has been disappointing to our fans, myself, [owner] Glen Taylor and the entire organization,” McHale said. “Through this trade, we have obtained very talented, young players with a lot of potential, future flexibility with the salary cap and two future first-round NBA draft picks. Personally, I want to thank Kevin for all of his hard work through the years and what he has meant to the Timberwolves franchise.”

During his career, Garnett has registered 20.5 points, 11.4 rebounds, and 4.5 assists per contest. He has tallied three twenty-four-plus point seasons. He has also logged seven consecutive ten-plus rebound seasons. Garnett has been All-NBA and All-Defensive on eight occasions.

From 1957-1986, the Celtics garnered sixteen championships. They also scored eight conference and twenty-one division titles. Sadly, this tradition has dilapidated. Since Len Bias’ death, the Celtics have posted an 802-806 record. Amidst this, the Celtics have chalked only one conference and five division titles.

Purportedly, the Western Conference dwarfs the East. Allegedly, Garnett is an equalizer. Unfortunately, the aforesaid is imaginary. Since 1980-1981, the Eastern Conference has accrued fourteen championships. The Western Conference has captured thirteen. True, the West has ensnared seven of nine. However, they once lost twelve of eighteen.

The Celtics are a fabled franchise. Garnett is a warrior. His presence will not guarantee titles. However, his attitude surmises the obvious. “This is probably my best opportunity at winning a ring,” he said.

Kevin, you are the Celtics best hope also.

Barrack Attack

Barack Obama: “I understand that President Musharraf has his own challenges. But let me make this clear. There are terrorists holed up in those mountains who murdered 3,000 Americans. They are plotting to strike again. If we have actionable intelligence about high-value terrorist targets and President Musharraf won't act, we will.”

Chris Dodd: “Frankly, I am not sure what Barack is calling for in his speech this morning. But it is dangerous and irresponsible to leave even the impression the United States would needlessly and publicly provoke a nuclear power.”

Bill Richardson: “My international experience tells me that we should address this problem with tough diplomacy with General Musharraf first, leaving the military as a last resort. It is important to reach out to moderate Muslim states and allies to ensure we do not unnecessarily inflame the Muslim world.”

New York, Never Forget

According to New York City, Ground Zero is unsafe. Due to construction, the September eleventh remembrance has been reassigned. New York City’s rational is valid. However, they should concede. Ground Zero and September eleventh are sacred. These families were victimized. New York City should act appropriately.

NEW RULE

Your children are not responsible.

According to a study, a soldier’s absence amplifies tension. During deployments, child abuse triples and neglect quadruples. These mothers are not frazzled. They are terrible parents. Your husband was not involuntarily committed. He enlisted. Do not punish your children. You chose procreation. Personally, I know similar mothers. They overwork and snap. Their excuses? Fatigue and stress. Bullshit. They are self-absorbed. Not their children’s fault.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“It was so hot, Michael Vick was organizing penguin fights.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Whoopi… Why?

On Wednesday, Whoopi Goldberg joined “The View.” This decision is unfathomable. Rosie O’Donnell exits. Immediately, “The View” recruits an acerbic liberal fanatic. Why?

Worth A Read

The Professional Cheerleader Blog

Professional cheerleading and dance team news. Features an alumni roster and squad registry.

Sexual Reasoning

TOP 10 REASONS TO HAVE SEX FOR MEN

1. I was attracted to the person.

2. It feels good.

3. I wanted to experience physical pleasure.

4. It's fun.

5. I wanted to show my affection to the person.

6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.

7. I was "horny."

8. I wanted to express my love for the person.

9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.

10. I wanted to please my partner.

TOP 10 REASONS TO HAVE SEX FOR WOMEN

1. I was attracted to the person.

2. I wanted to experience physical pleasure.

3. It feels good.

4. I wanted to show my affection to the person.

5. I wanted to express my love for the person.

6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.

7. I was "horny."

8. It's fun.

9. I realized I was in love.

10. I was "in the heat of the moment."

BOTTOM 10 REASONS TO HAVE SEX FOR MEN

1. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.

2. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease.

3. I wanted to punish myself.

4. I wanted to break up my relationship.

5. I wanted to get a job.

6. It was an initiation rite

7. Someone offered me money

8. I was afraid to say "no" due to possibility of physical harm

9. To make money

10. To feel closer to God

BOTTOM 10 REASONS TO HAVE SEX FOR WOMEN

1. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease.

2. Someone offered me money to do it.

3. I wanted to get a raise.

4. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.

5. I wanted to get a job.

6. To get a promotion

7. The person offered me drugs for it

8. To punish myself

9. To hurt/humiliate the person

10. To feel closer to God

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the Minnesota Timberwolves.

On Tuesday, Rawlings dismissed Michael Vick. Vick is losing sponsors. Allegedly, Kibbles & Bits is leaving next. Not as a sponsor, as his breakfast.

According to a study (yes, we needed another), cigarette addiction is rapid. Addition requires two days, not ten years. Cigarettes are addictive? What are we proving next? Cigarettes are unhealthy?

Ethics Regret

On Tuesday, the House passed ethics reform. The legislation regulates campaign contribution bundling, earmarks, gift exchange, and travel. This action is insufficient. Supposed alterations are diluted. Last fall, Democrats garnered a Congressional majority. They pledged transparent governance. This failure was predictable.

My Space Menace

On Tuesday, nineteen-year-old Lauren Gash and seventeen-year-old Alisa Betts were charged with felony kidnapping. Allegedly, Betts and Gash abducted and assaulted eighteen-year-old Amanda Howard. The objective? Theft of Howard’s unborn child. The trio met via My Space. This crime was horrific. This crime was also isolated. Sadly, alarmists and reactionaries will disagree. Stupidly, they will explode another example of internet evil.

Bill Walsh: A Personal Reflection

On January 22, 1989, I viewed Bill Walsh’s finale. In Super Bowl XXIII, Walsh’s San Francisco 49ers defeated my Cincinnati Bengals 20-16. I was eight years old. The result was devastating. Subsequently, I respected Walsh’s two-minute genius. Simply stated, Walsh was a virtuoso. He was prodigious. Both National Football League and I will miss him.

Yahoo Evaluates Trade Deadline

Winners

Atlanta Braves: The Braves got one of baseball's best hitters in Mark Teixeira, a left-handed reliever in Ron Mahay and the second-best relief pitcher on the market in Octavio Dotel. Yes, they mortgaged quite a bit – Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Elvis Andrus and Matt Harrison, all of whom went to Texas, were their Nos. 1-3 prospects on Baseball America's preseason list – but general manager John Schuerholz trusts his scouts to restock the minor leagues. And with the National League up for grabs, the Braves jumped in to take it.

Boston Red Sox: GM Theo Epstein never budged when Texas asked for Clay Buchholz or Jacoby Ellsbury, and the Red Sox still ended up with the best reliever out there. Kason Gabbard and David Murphy didn't have much of a future with Boston, and 17-year-old outfielder Engel Beltre is at least four years away. Isn't it funny to think back to spring training, when Boston was worried about its bullpen and Joel Pineiro was slated to close? How's this for the seventh, eighth and ninth: Manny Delcarmen, Hideki Okajima, Gagne and Jonathan Papelbon.

Texas Rangers: Maybe Jon Daniels would have been better served focusing on one big prospect for Gagne instead of his three-player haul. And perhaps he could have gotten more than one big-league-ready player for Teixeira and Mahay. Both are just picking nits. Daniels turned around a bereft farm system over a whirlwind 24 hours, and while that might not be enough to save his job over the next year or two, it could leave his incumbent sitting pretty.

New York Yankees: Complain away, Yankees fans, about Boston acquiring Gagne. Just know that GM Brian Cashman has better sense than to deal any of the Yankees' young starters when their rotation is full of pitchers who will be playing shuffleboard in a year or two. Getting Wilson Betemit before Alex Rodriguez opts out of his contract was a good buy, even if it does mean the Yankees must rely on Kyle Farnsworth or Joba Chamberlain in the late innings.

San Diego Padres: Over the last month, GM Kevin Towers has remade a team that was already rather good. In getting Rob Mackowiak (who, since June 29, has the major leagues' fifth-best batting average at .403) and Morgan Ensberg on Tuesday, the Padres added depth to complement the earlier acquisitions of Milton Bradley and Michael Barrett for pennies on dollar. To boost the presence while balancing the future (by trading Scott Linebrink for three pitching prospects), Towers toed the gentle line between overindulgence and passivity.

Losers

Los Angeles: The Dodgers and Angels both needed a bat in the middle of their lineups. The Dodgers and Angels still need a bat in the middle of their lineups. Their eagerness to hold onto prospects is admirable, certainly, but there comes a point at which their gunshy nature – particularly the Angels' – becomes a detriment. The Angels have the pitching to win the AL West, maybe even the pennant. But that lineup just won't do it.

The Gagne whiffs: Condolences to Seattle, Milwaukee, Detroit and the New York Mets, whose fans will cringe at every lead from hereon blown in the eighth inning.

Houston Astros: Acquiring Ty Wigginton for Dan Wheeler set the standard for this deadline. The Astros blew it by holding onto Mark Loretta and Mike Lamb, seeing as their farm system is among baseball's worst.

Chicago White Sox: The asking price proved too high for outfielder Jermaine Dye, leaving the White Sox empty-handed. Though they still could move Jose Contreras, who likely will pass through waivers, Chicago had a chance to reap good value from either Jon Garland (for Edgar Renteria) or Javier Vazquez and chose not to.

Cable’s Nothing & Nuisance

During CNN’s Situation Room, Governors Mike Huckabee (R-AR) and Bill Richardson (D-NM) debated. Their dialogue was fleeting. Instead, CNN emphasized Hillary Clinton’s fashion and old letters. Is CNN serious? Debates and issues are important. Clinton’s wardrobe and writings are not. America does not care. Cable News Network, please televise the news.

Rawlings Retreats

Rawlings: “Rawlings recognizes that Mr. Vick has not been convicted of the charges stemming from his recent indictment. However, we have determined that ending our relationship with Mr. Vick at this time is necessary. Rawlings is disappointed about the charges brought against Mr. Vick for his alleged participation in a dogfighting operation. Dogfighting is illegal and entirely unacceptable to Rawlings.”

Rawlings’ action is appropriate. They did not convict. They simply stated the obvious. Michael Vick is a pariah. Hopefully, he will accept this.

NEW RULE

Defending the indefensible diminishes you.

On Monday, the NAACP defended Michael Vick. They also chastised the media. I revere the NAACP. However, their rage is repugnant. Vick has not been lynched. His rights are present. Reporters have simply stated the obvious. Vick is a pariah.

Additionally, Vick’s alleged crimes are brutal. They transcend race. The NAACP should avoid Vick. Why? The NAACP champions civil rights. They should not champion dog fighting.

Defending Darfur

On Tuesday, the United Nations Security Council approved 26,000 Darfur peacekeepers. This action was appropriate. Since 2003, African Union forces have been dominated. Potentially, this will discipline a decaying region.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“It was hot today. So hot, I was sweatin’ like a poodle at Michael Vick’s place.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Culpepper Compliment Connection

On Tuesday, the Oakland Raiders signed quarterback Daunte Culpepper. Culpepper inked a one-year pact. For thirty-four days, Culpepper preached and preened. He is reprehensible. The Raiders are dysfunctional. Clearly, this combination is perfect.

Greek Great

On Tuesday, ABC Family renewed “Greek.” They doubled their episode order. Recently, I viewed the collegiate drama. Greek is brilliantly acted and written. The mature themes are credible. I applaud ABC Family’s decision.

The Daily Smak

Officially, the celebrity death list includes Lindsay Lohan. Her ranking? Above Scott Peterson.

On Monday, Los Angeles announced a pigeon control program. Evidently, poop levels are ridiculous. Extricating crap from Los Angeles. An all-decade job.

Finally, I tip the ol’ ball cap (a black one) to Tom Snyder, Bill Walsh, and Eric Wishnie. Each was brilliant.

Vick, NAACP Speak; Situation Unaltered

On Monday, Porsche Foxx interviewed Michael Vick. Simultaneously, the NAACP defended Vick. They also chastised the media. The NAACP’s rage is repugnant. No reporter has convicted. They have simply stated the obvious. Vick is a pariah. Concerning Vick’s interview, he anticipates career resumption. Michael, as previously stated, your career is finished.

A Camp David Discussion

President Bush & Prime Minister Brown

A West Coast Genius

Bill Walsh
(1931-2007)

A Conversational Legend

Tom Snyder
(1936-2007)

Florida Frappe

On Sunday, Whitlene Loussaint’s car was stolen and retrieved. Amidst drenching rain, Loussaint vacated her car. Her rational? She was seeking an umbrella. Now, she may face charges. This scenario is ridiculous. Loussaint does not warrant prosecution. Obviously, she should have locked her car. However, her alternative was child endangerment.

NEW RULE

Zero tolerance is bullshit.

On July 11, a California gas station was robbed. Despite this trauma, clerk Cynthia Lopez sustained composure. She noted the robber’s clothing, description, and license plate number. Utilizing this information, police arrested the perpetrators.

On July 12, Lopez was fired. The company’s rational? Lopez’s drawer exceeded cash restrictions. The restriction was $50. Lopez’s drawer held $66. Unfortunately, this company has a zero tolerance policy.

This company is asinine. Lopez does not warrant firing. This company warrants foreclosure. This scenario was not simple. This scenario was nuanced. Lopez foiled a robbery. She recaptured the money. This merits firing? This decision was reprehensible. This policy is crap. These executives merit firing.

An Emmy Winning Producer

Eric Wishnie
(NBC News)

Worth A Read

Iowa Veterans Blog

Providing veteran news, resources, and tools. Preserving dignity beyond deployment and discharge.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“How do you know an astronaut is drunk? Before launch, they run a systems check on the blender.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Texas’ Best Little Reporter

Marvin Zindler
(1921-2007)

The Daily Smak

This weekend, Beef Roids Bonds did not dial 755. Those loud screams? They were Bud Selig.

Great news. Laguna Beach‘s Jason Wahler is “through being a dumb ass.” Following this statement, he then drunk dialed Lauren Conrad and yelled.

Henceforth, Aquafina’s packaging will read Public Water Source. Aquafina is tap water. Americans have been wasting two dollars? Imagine the alternative. They could have bought Pepsi Edge.

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Stewart Squanders Brickyard Victory

Tony Stewart is disgusting. On Sunday, Stewart scored his second Indianapolis victory. Unfortunately, he voiced a victory lane swear. Stewart’s probable penalty? A fine and twenty-five driver points. Stewart possesses immense talent. He is a superstar. Sadly, his emotions trump logic. He acts reprehensibly. I admire Stewart. However, Stewart is worse than Michael Vick. Why? Stewart has accrued two championships. Vick was merely a quarterback.

Gulbis: A Gorgeous Champion

On Sunday, Natalie Gulbis garnered the Evian Masters. Gulbis is gorgeous, personable, and talented. Unfortunately, she was winless. She was Anna Kournikova. Henceforth, Gulbis has been validated. She has showcased winning potential.

Congratulations Tony & Cal

A Prayer for the Deranged

Despite receiving threats, Ian Johnson and Chrissy Popadics married. During their wedding, the interracial couple prayed for prejudice’s demise. Johnson and Popadics are enchanting. Their union is beautiful. I sincerely hope their prayers are answered.

Line of the Morning

Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT)

“After all these hearings, all of this bluster, all of this moaning and groaning by the Democrats, they have not shown one reason why there was any impropriety and they can't show that.’’