Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Former presidential candidate John Edwards spoke to Brown University last night to a crowd of 600 people. He spoke to the students at Brown about poverty and morals. Who better to lecture young people about poverty and morals than a rich personal injury attorney who knocked up his mistress?”

The Tonight Show

An Owner’s Champion

Bill Davidson
(1922-2009)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Bernie Madoff, swindler, is in jail today. Twenty-five of his victims were present to shout obscenities at him at the trial. Here’s the breakdown: 24 of them were swindled; the other one was Christian Bale.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Survivor: Spencer Pays

For the second consecutive week, Timbira garnered immunity. Spencer was penalized. Via a 5-1 vote, he was eliminated.

NEW RULE

Athletes are athletes.

Jonathan Papelbon: “It just takes one guy to bring an entire team down, and that's exactly what was happening. Once we saw that, we weren't afraid to get rid of him. It's like cancer. That's what he was. Cancer. He had to go. It [stunk], but that was the only scenario that was going to work. That was it for us.”

Manny Ramirez is arrogant, egomaniacal, and smug. He is not Astrocytoma, Esophageal, or Sarcoma. Ramirez is not cancer. His antics are not fatal. His assertions are not lethal. His attitude is not mortal.

Athletes must consider their criticism. They must moderate their words. Passion is admirable. However, athletics are not imperative. They are an amusement. They are insignificant. Papelbon’s words underscore this.

Worth A Read

An Irish Town Planner’s Blog

Necessary and interesting bits.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Bernard Madoff?

On Thursday, Martin Brodeur won his 550th contest. How impressive is this? Since 1993, the New York Knicks have utilized 550 players.

Today’s top five or this weekend’s attractions (1) Big East Tournament, (2) ACC Tournament, (3) Big Twelve Tournament, (4) Big Ten Tournament, (5) NCAA Selection Sunday

Snake Caged

On Thursday, Bernard Madoff plead guilty to fraud and perjury. Until hell frosts, Madoff warrants incarceration.

Philosopher Obama

President Obama: “I've never bought into these Malthusian, woe, Chicken Little, the earth is falling. I tend to be pretty optimistic. I wouldn't be here if I weren't pretty optimistic. A smidgen of good news and suddenly everything is doing great. A little bit of bad news and 'Ooohh, we're down on the dumps. And I am obviously an object of this constantly varying assessment. I don't think things are ever as good as they say, or ever as bad as they say. Things two years ago were not as good as we thought because there were a lot of underlying weaknesses in the economy. They're not as bad as we think they are now.”

Fox News: Faith Based Analysis

Conservative evangelical and Catholic leaders who went out on a political limb by aligning themselves with the Obama administration are expressing feelings ranging from disappointment to optimism in their reaction to the president's decisions so far on culture war issues.

Although most of President Obama's moves on abortion and stem cell research have been expected, some right-leaning Christian leaders who took a risk sitting down at the table with a Democratic president feel that several major decisions fall short of the common ground Obama had promised on divisive social issues.

Obama's reversal this week of Bush-era restrictions on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research is the latest example. "Thus far, I have been disappointed to see little give. There's been a lot of take," said the Rev. Frank Page, a former president of the Southern Baptist Convention who serves on a month-old advisory board to Obama's White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. "I've seen little give in the area of relating to the evangelical community as far as life issues."

Others point out that Obama is, after all, a Democrat and supporter of keeping abortion legal -- and he has promised to proceed with caution on stem cells. Obama "is not doing anything he hasn't said he was going to do during the campaign," said the Rev. Joel Hunter, an evangelical megachurch pastor from Orlando, Fla., and another advisory board member. "So I am not enthusiastic, but I'm not disappointed, because we knew what to expect. I'm encouraged he is not totally flipping to the other side. We've got to be patient here."

One of the four main priorities of Obama's faith-based office is to find ways to reduce the abortion rate, an attempt at common ground. But shortly after taking office, Obama lifted restrictions on federal funding of international family planning groups that perform abortions or provide information about the procedure.

Then in late February, the administration said it would rescind broad protections put in place in the waning days of the Bush administration for health workers who refuse to provide care they find objectionable on personal, moral or religious grounds. Conservative Christian groups cried foul. The White House has said the administration was committed to protecting the rights of health care workers who don't want to perform abortions, but was concerned the Bush language went too far and could restrict services such as family planning and infertility treatments.

Obama's nomination of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, a Catholic who supports abortion rights in conflict with church teachings, for health and human services secretary also has stirred the old culture war divisions. But Page credited the White House for listening. He said an administration official reassured him that Obama would never force a health care provider to perform abortions against his or her conscience -- easing Page's concerns about the so-called conscience clause. "So, on that hand, I think they are listening and trying to seek some common ground," Page said. "But basically it seems like the more left-wing Democratic agenda is being followed."

On embryonic stem cell research, which involves the destruction of human embryos, many questions remained. President George W. Bush limited federally funded research to stem-cell lines that had already been created by August 2001, when he issued the order. Obama lifted that restriction and directed the National Institutes of Health to propose new guidelines, emphasizing that research should be done "responsibly."

If Congress were to take a step further and reverse legislation that bans federal money from being used to create or destroy human embryos for research, "then we're going back into the culture wars," Hunter said.

Douglas Kmiec, a Pepperdine University law professor, Catholic opponent of abortion and former Reagan administration lawyer who became a lightning rod in the Catholic community for endorsing Obama, said he was encouraged by the administration's first seven weeks. He cited the abortion reduction goal, provisions in the stimulus package to help the poor and Senate approval of an expansion of State Children's Health Insurance Program, which Catholics on the left have promoted as a way to improve socio-economic conditions and reduce abortion rates. "As far as the expectations I had for a president who is a pro-choice president and did not share my pro-life views, President Obama has been honest about what he intended to do and has done those things," Kmiec said. "He has been honest, we've been honest about our disagreements, and the conversation continues."

Joshua DuBois, director of the faith-based office, said in a statement that "we have ... begun to work with key leaders on tough issues in hopes of finding common ground," and added that the work would continue. Some Christian leaders invited to the Democratic table during the campaign made clear they would challenge Obama if necessary. At an interfaith service opening the Democratic National Convention in Denver, Bishop Charles E. Blake drew attention for chiding those who show "disregard for the lives of the unborn."

Blake, presiding bishop of the 6 million-member Church of God in Christ, a predominantly black Pentecostal denomination, also challenged Obama to adopt policies to reduce abortions. "I can only believe he is going to keep that commitment," Blake said this week of Obama's promise to enact such policies. "There might have been some political motivation that caused him to take the early positions he has taken. But I think he will be just as aggressive and consistent in pursuing policies that will make abortions less necessary."

Cameron Strang, editor of Relevant Magazine, which is geared toward younger evangelicals the Obama campaign worked to target, said Obama has "done what he said he'd do."

He said he was impressed "that they are continuing the dialogue," adding that he felt "there's an opportunity for Christians to be optimistic they will continue to have a place at the table during this administration."

For others, Obama's actions on stem cells, abortion and the conscience clause represent an "extreme shift toward the left," said the Rev. Samuel Rodriguez, president of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference, an evangelical group.

"I like our president. I pray for our president. I want our president to succeed," said Rodriguez, who took part in Obama transition team conference calls. "But we need our president to really govern from the center and not from the extremes."

But Hunter, the Orlando pastor, called for patience. "I think it's premature to make a judgment," Hunter said. "The president in most cases is taking a wise and cautious course. I think a lot of people are just shooting warning shots across the bow right now."

Charade of Fratricide

Michael Steele: “The choice issue cuts two ways. You can choose life, or you can choose abortion. You know, my mother chose life. I mean, again, I think that's an individual choice.”

Ken Blackwell: “Chairman Steele needs to reread the Bible, the U.S. Constitution and the 2008 GOP Platform. He then needs to get to work -- or get out of the way.”

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Bernie Madoff’s going to plead guilty and face 150 years in prison. Now he’ll find out how it feels to have his valuables mishandled.”

The Tonight Show

Cramerica vs. Chattering Moron

NEW RULE

Success is earned.

In Germany, Tim Kretschmer murdered fifteen. In Alabama, Michael McLendon murdered ten. Allegedly, both were unsatisfied. Their success did not equal expectations.

My success has not equaled expectations. My success may never equal expectations. My response? I improve myself. I increase my production. I seek new activities and endeavors. I will never choose violence. Violence will not improve status. Violence merely trivializes you.

If someone abhors their occupation, they should improve themselves. If they abhor their economic situation, they should increase their production. If they abhor their acquaintances, they should seek new activities and endeavors. Murder is not a solution.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Rampage Jackson?

In El Salvador, a liberal commentator is a presidential candidate. Those loud cheers? They were 2016 Democratic Presidential Nominee Keith Olbermann.

In Japan, primates teach offspring how to floss. In America, the roles are reversed. Jaden and Sean teach Britney how to parent.

Gridiron Gold

Brian Dawkins (Safety – Philadelphia Eagles)
(Denver Broncos: 5 years, $17 million)
(In 2004, the Broncos signed John Lynch. Dawkins is similar. He is aggressive. He is a thumper. He should spearhead an improved defense.)

Albert Haynesworth (Defensive Tackle – Tennessee Titans)
(Washington Redskins: 7 years, $100 million)
(During his tenure, Owner Daniel Snyder has signed Laveranues Coles, Jeff George, Brandon Lloyd, Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, and Jeremiah Trotter. Snyder has won two playoff contests. He should cease spending.)

T.J. Houshmandzadeh (Wide Receiver – Cincinnati Bengals)
(Seattle Seahawks: 5 years, $40 million)
(Following a 4-12 campaign, Seattle warranted improvement. Houshmandzadeh is a glitzy addition. He and Deion Branch are a spectacular tandem.)

Kurt Warner (Quarterback – Arizona Cardinals)
(Arizona Cardinals: 2 years, $23 million)
(This decision was perfect. With Warner, the Cardinals can score a second consecutive conference championship. Without him, they were a top ten selection.)

Diamond Gems

A.J. Burnett (Pitcher – Toronto Blue Jays)
(New York Yankees: 5 years, $82.5 million)
(Simply stated, the Yankees overpaid. They dramatically overpaid. Burnett is inconsistent. He is injury prone. His hype trumps reality.)

Derek Lowe (Pitcher – Los Angeles Dodgers)
(Atlanta Braves: 4 years, $60 million)
(Since 2004, Lowe has logged a 68-60 ledger. The aforesaid rates $60 million?)

Manny Ramirez (Outfielder - Los Angeles Dodgers)
(Los Angeles Dodgers: 2 years, $45 million)
(Ramirez is arrogant, egomaniacal, and smug. He is also incredible, spectacular, and unequaled. With him, the Dodgers are championship contenders.)

Francisco Rodriguez (Pitcher – Los Angeles Angels)
(New York Mets: 3 years, $37 million)
(In 2008, Rodriguez secured 62 saves. He set a record. Yet, he was released. The Angeles will regret this decision.)

C.C. Sabathia (Pitcher – Milwaukee Brewers)
(New York Yankees: 7 years, $161 million)
(Sabathia is superb. He is not a superstar. He is sans mettle and resolve. Sabathia is worth millions. He was not worth this investment.)

Mark Teixeira (First Baseman – Los Angeles Angels)
(New York Yankees: 8 years, $180 million)
(From 1982-1992, the Yankees amassed a 906-876 record. Their roster included Rickey Henderson, Mike Pagliarulo, Steve Sax, and Dave Winfield. Hank Steinbrenner cannot purchase a championship.)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“In a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion dollars in profit. That just shows you: If you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, they’ll show you how to turn it into $8 billion in profit.”

The Tonight Show

Murray, Nunez Nixed

On Wednesday, America eliminated Jasmine Murray and Jorge Nuñez. Both expulsions were acceptable.

NEW RULE

Paula Abdul is unwatchable.

If a monkey with symbols performed, Abdul would dance. Therefore, cameras should ignore her.

Worth A Read

Storming the Floor

We Are College Basketball.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Orlando Pace?

According to the International Monetary Fund, the world has entered “a great recession.” President Obama’s reaction? “You thought I was pessimistic?”

In California, a proposed initiative would eliminate “marriage.” The initiative’s supporters…Every male resident.

Faux Bull

On Tuesday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average soared 379.44 points. No one celebrate. Prior to Monday, this euphoria will evaporate.

Def Con Red

National Intelligence Director Dennis Blair: “The Chinese trajectory there has changed in a somewhat more aggressive way in the past several years from what we had seen earlier. They seem to be more ... military, aggressive, forward-pushing than we saw a couple of years before.”

Ram Cut

On Tuesday, the St. Louis Rams released Orlando Pace. Pace is an excellent professional. He is an exemplary individual. I hope someone acquires him.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“President Obama said that he is against human cloning. See, I think there ought to be exceptions. For example, let’s say Obama can find a nominee who can pay his taxes…”

The Tonight Show

American Idol Live Blog

Lil Rounds (23 – Tennessee)

Her commencement is apocryphal. She is scattered. She oversings. Her emotion is contrived. Her facial expressions are random. Michael Jackson songs are natural. You cannot force the. She attempted force. She is an elimination candidate.

Scott MacIntyre (23 – Arizona)

His song choice is excellent. His piano utilization is exemplary. This is his zone. His performance is wonderful. His emotion translates. His hope resonates through the screen. Simon and I disagree. The song is unknown. However, this is irrelevant.

Danny Gokey (28 – Missouri)

His performance is adequate. His attire and persona are horrific. When will this program understand… Geeks will not sell. America has one homosexual alumnus. America does not need another.

Michael Sarver (27 – Texas)

“You Are Not Alone” is a sensual selection. He is solemn. His performance is acceptable. His vocals are satisfactory. Yet, he is unmemorable. He is undistinguishable. On American Idol, boredom trumps terribleness.

Jasmine Murray (16 – Mississippi)

Her performance is delightful. She is not perfect. Occasionally, she appears aged. However, she is passable. On this evening, passable is desirable.

Kris Allen (23 – Arkansas)

Simply stated, he is bland. His attire, background, and vocals are boring. This will not eliminate him. He will advance. However, he is not a contender.

Allison Iraheta (16 – California)

Her commencement is atrocious. Her hair is worse. Seriously? Her performance only worsens. Her emotion is completely contrived. Her vocals are screaming. She is sixteen and a squealer. She will not sell.

Anoop Desai (21 – North Carolina)

When I heard his selection, I was excited. As I watch his performance, I am cringing. His persona is creepy. His vocals are scattered. His background… Is this American Idol or King of the Ring? His conclusion is horrific. The judges are correct. He attempted channeling. Instead, he choked.

Jorge Nuñez (20 - Puerto Rico)

His commencement is awful. His emotion is laughable. His facial expressions are clownish. He is a joke. His conclusion is worse. Simon is correct. Awful and corny. America, eliminate him.

Megan Joy Corkrey (22 – Utah)

Tattoos and sleeveless are incompatible. She is the prom scare. Additionally, her attire and background clash. Red and purple? Hideous. Her performance is dreadful. Her emotion is contrived. She appears carnival. Her dancing and facial expressions are repugnant. Simon and I concur. She was ridiculous.

Adam Lambert (26 – California)

The guitar solo is muted. I wish he were. “Black or white” is a powerful song. “Black or White” requires serious attitude. He is a putrid performer. His emotion is contrived. His message is a joke. The creepy background channels David Cook. He may have won. He is not selling.

Matt Giraud (23 – Michigan)

His performance is comfortable. His performance is relaxed. His performance should advance him. With that stated, he is slightly unmemorable.

Alexis Grace (21 – Tennessee)

Her performance is appropriate. She oversings. Her vocals are horrific. However, the song selection is “Dirty Diana.” She is slutty and trashy. Perfect.

NEW RULE

Robert Gibbs must relent.

Rush Limbaugh is an adversary. Jim Cramer is not. If President Obama covets progress, Gibbs must choose his conflicts. He must not embrace every conflict.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Montreal Canadians Coach?

According to scientists, brains possess a “God Spot.” This explains Simon Cowell.

Today’s top five or American Idol contenders (1) Anoop Desai, (2) Michael Sarver, (3) Lil Rounds, (4) Jasmine Murray, (5) Megan Joy Corkrey

Stem Cell Restrictions Revisited

President Obama Complete Text

Montreal’s Calamity

On Monday, the Montreal Canadians fired Coach Guy Carbonneau. General Manager Bob Gainey supplanted him. “The last eight weeks of performance have been below average, and I believe a change in the direction at ice level is necessary,” said Gainey. “For sure, Guy was a special player for Canadiens, a captain. He took a very difficult job [as coach] and tried his best to advance the team. It's never an easy message to deliver to anyone, but it was at a point where I felt it was needed.”

During his career, Carbonneau logged a 129-90-22 ledger. Upon his firing, the Canadians stood 35-24-7. “I'm not going to make black-and-white changes,” said Gainey. “But we need to move toward being a better, stronger, more consistent team defensively and an offensive team that takes advantage of our opportunities.”

This season, the Canadians have amassed 77 points. In the Eastern Conference, they stand fifth. If this exchange possesses rationale, the rationale is invisible.

Warren Buffett Assesses Recession

Warren Buffett: “It's fallen off a cliff. Not only has the economy slowed down a lot, but people have really changed their habits like I haven't seen. What is required is a commander in chief that's looked at like a commander in chief in a time of war.”

Cramer Responds, Requests Debate

Fox News: If You Want A Job…

Help wanted: pharmacists, engineers and nurses. Believe it or not, even some banks are hiring, at least for their technology teams. While the recession has claimed 4.4 million jobs, the economy has created others, many of them for highly trained and specialized professionals. More than 2 million jobs openings now exist across a range of industries, according to government data.

Job seekers beware, though. An average of nearly five people are competing for each opening. That's up sharply from a ratio of less than 2-to-1 in December 2007, when the recession was just starting and nearly 4 million openings existed. Human resources executives say companies that are hiring are benefiting from a top-notch talent pool as applications pour in from a larger base of job seekers. The number of unemployed Americans has soared, to 12.5 million last month, from 7 million when the recession began.

Broadly, jobs are being added in education, health care and the federal government, the Labor Department said, with the government adding 9,000 new jobs last month alone. But beyond those areas, jobs can be found in a variety of sectors. Some places that are hiring, such as companies that make nuclear power equipment, haven't been hit that hard by the recession. Others, such as discount retailers, are actually benefiting from the downturn as shoppers turn thriftier.

Even some businesses at the center of the economic meltdown are managing to add a few employees. Banks involved in recent mergers, for example, are hiring information technology specialists to help integrate companies, said Tig Gilliam, chief executive of the Adecco Group North America, a human resources firm. Some mortgage lending companies, notably those never involved in subprime or other exotic loans, are actually growing and hiring as larger competitors have folded. "We've been busy," said Terry Schmidt, chief financial officer of Guild Mortgage Co. in California, whose company has doubled in size, from around 450 to close to 900 employees, in the past year and a half.
The new hires originate home loans and process them, among other duties.

"We're finding that the talent pool — the level of talent and experience — is much better than we've ever had," Schmidt said.

Mortgage servicing companies — those that collect payments for the lenders that originated them — are also hiring as lower mortgage rates fuel mortgage refinance applications. Marina Walsh, associate vice president of industry analysis at the Mortgage Bankers Association, said servicers "are just scrambling for workers."

The nuclear power industry, meanwhile, doesn't seem to have noticed the economic downturn. It is adding thousands of jobs as it gears up to build as many as 26 new nuclear power plants in the next decade. Corporations such as Pittsburgh-based Westinghouse Electric Company and GE Hitachi Nuclear Energy are hiring engineers and adding other workers as they expand manufacturing facilities, according to the Nuclear Energy Institute, a trade group. (GE Hitachi is a partnership between General Electric Co. and Tokyo-based Hitachi Ltd.)

Engineers of all kinds are in demand and are facing a rock-bottom jobless rate of about 3 percent, according to Gilliam of the Adecco Group North America. That compares with a nationwide unemployment rate of 8.1 percent last month. Adecco is trying to fill about 1,200 engineering jobs, Gilliam said. They include product engineers who test the next generation of computer equipment, he said.

Other bright spots in an otherwise dismal labor market:

Pharmacists: An aging U.S. population is taking more medicine and pharmacists are taking more time helping patients with chronic diseases manage their dosages, said Douglas Scheckelhoff of the American Society of Health System Pharmacists.
There is a 6 percent shortage of hospital pharmacists, Scheckelhoff said, while many drug stores are also looking to hire new pharmacists and pharmacist technicians, he said.

Nurses: Hospitals also need more nurses to care for the aging population and to replace those nearing retirement, said Cheryl Peterson, director of nursing practice and policy at the American Nurses Association. Hospitals added 7,000 jobs of all kinds last month, even as the economy overall shed 651,000.

Veterinarians: "There's a tremendous demand" for veterinarians, particularly to serve livestock growers in rural areas, said Dr. Ron DeHaven, chief executive officer of the American Veterinary Medical Association. The government is also short of veterinarians needed to inspect slaughterhouses and undertake other food safety measures, he said. The Labor Department projects that the number of veterinary jobs will grow by 35 percent by 2016, DeHaven said.

Some companies are benefiting from the recession as shoppers shift to lower-priced stores. The economy has lost more than 600,000 retail jobs since the slowdown began, but discount retailer Family Dollar Stores Inc. is hiring. The company plans to hire new workers for 200 stores it expects to open this year, said spokesman Josh Braverman, and will also add employees at some of its nine distribution centers. Family Dollar saw its sales at stores open at least a year rise by 6.4 percent in the three months ending in February.

Other companies prospering amid the economic gloom include liquidators — firms that sell the assets of troubled businesses. Bill Angrick, chief executive of Washington, D.C.-based Liquidity Services Inc., which operates the Web site Liquidation.com, said his company expects record profits for the first quarter. Among the items his company liquidates are vehicles and networking and communications equipment.

Julie Davis, a spokeswoman for the firm, said it has openings for at least 10 people in its sales, marketing, operations and finance departments. "We are absolutely in hiring mode," she said. The company employs about 700 people worldwide.

NEW RULE

America must manufacture.

China produces our toys. Germany produces our alcohol. Italy produces our fashion. Japan produces our televisions. Mexico produces our cars. If America covets renewal, we must assemble, construct, design, invent, and perfect.

Worth A Read

Grasping Reality with Both Hands

Economist Brad DeLong covers the world.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Roy Williams?

Last week, I rearranged my assets. Evidently, the Dallas Cowboys did also.

Today’s top five or CNBC’s finest (1) Erin Burnett, (2) Trish Regan, (3) Maria Bartiromo, (4) Becky Quick, (5) Jim Cramer

Owens Faces Fourth and Finality

In 2008, the Dallas Cowboys went 9-7. They missed the postseason. They needed an execution.

On Thursday, the Cowboys released Terrell Owens. “In the aftermath of the season, we talked about change,” said Owner Jerry Jones. “Some of what is changing involves the process and some of it involves people. This is a decision that was made based upon consideration for an entire team. We will move on now with a new team -- a new attitude -- and into a new stadium. The evaluation process and the prospect for change will continue at every level of the organization.”

On Saturday, the Buffalo Bills signed Owens. Owens inked a 1-year, $6.5 million contract. “I'm leaving America's team [for] North America's team,” said Owens. “I must move on, and it's another beginning for me. If I can be that extra added piece to get them to the playoffs, then that's what I'm here for. I looked at the defensive side of ball and offensive side of the ball, and these guys have all the pieces.”

Bills Quarterback Trent Edwards reaction was ecstatic. “I am really excited about the addition of Terrell Owens to our team,” he said. “We spoke earlier and both look forward to working hard this offseason. We share the common goal of winning football games. His ability and experience will add to our offense and the weapons we already have.”

During his career, Owens has amassed 951 receptions, 14,122 yards, and 139 touchdowns. In San Francisco (121 games), he racked 592 receptions, 8,302 yards, and 81 touchdowns. In Philadelphia (21 games), he recorded 124 receptions, 1,963 yards, and 20 touchdowns. In Dallas (47 games), he registered 235 receptions, 3,587 yards, and 38 touchdowns.

Cowboys wide receiver Sam Hurd’s reaction was intriguing. “I know it takes a lot of pressure off Romo,” said Hurd. “A guy like him demands the ball and you want to get him the ball. Now he can look at all of us and see which one is open on any given play. ... I don't think that was a problem. That's just what could and might start happening.”

Magnificent malcontents are singular. They possess incomparable talent. They also crave attention, require indulgence, and seek turmoil. Owens epitomizes this. He is spectacular. He is a superstar. Unfortunately, he will never win a championship. His mouth has assured this.

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Line of the Morning

Senator Richard Shelby (R-AL)

“Close them down, get them out of business. If they're dead, they ought to be buried. We bury the small banks; we've got to bury some big ones and send a strong message to the market. And I believe that people will start investing in banks.”