Barry… Quit
Barry, please retire. You are an ass. You have embarrassed baseball. You have fictionalized the records. Peter Magowan does not want you. Bud Selig does not want you. I do not want you. Please, act humanely. Leave!
Slugging culture, one opinion at a time...
1. New England Patriots: Have they ever been this good, this soon?
2. Indianapolis: How much better does this team look with Bob Sanders in the lineup, and can he possibly stay there all season?
3. San Diego Chargers: Are they still a legitimate member of the Big Three, or is it now just the Big Two?
4. Dallas Cowboys: With his size, speed and aggressive running style, shouldn't Marion Barber be the starter already?
5. Chicago Bears: Can this team get by on the two Ds: defense and Devin Hester?
6. Tennessee Titans: Hey, haters and fantasy geeks: If Vince Young is such a lousy quarterback, how does he always seem to have his team in position to pull out big games?
7. Pittsburgh Steelers: Is it just me, or is it starting to seem like the Rooneys have done it again?
8. Baltimore Ravens: When Brian Billick accused the Jets' defensive players of "illegally simulating the snap count" on Monday, how aroused was Bill Belichick?
9. Houston Texans: If Andre Johnson's knee doesn't get better soon, will the hard times return?
10. Denver Broncos: What does it say about today's NFL when a team which came thisclose to losing at home to the Raiders is still in the Top 10?
11. Washington Redskins: So do you Joe Gibbs-bashers still think the game has passed him by, or would you say he's finally catching up to it again?
12. Green Bay Packers: Will they finish with more victories than the number of players that most fans could name off their roster?
13. Seattle Seahawks: Matt, Shaun: Do you guys know each other?
14. Cincinnati Bengals: If Chad Johnson got beer spilled on him, what kind of shower would have been appropriate for the Bengals' defensive backs?
15. Jacksonville Jaguars: What would have been a more boring way to spend last Sunday: Watching the Jags beat the Falcons or Senator Tom Harkin's 30th Annual Steak Fry on C-SPAN II?
16. San Francisco 49ers: If his neighbor asked to borrow a box of sugar, would Mike Nolan trust Alex Smith to deliver it?
17. Arizona Cardinals: Think Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm have had a slight impact on the running game?
18. Detroit Lions: With all due respect to Jon Kitna's deity-provoked return in overtime, isn't the real miracle that the Lions are 2-0?
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Is Joey Galloway still that good, or is the Saints' secondary that atrocious?
20. Minnesota Vikings: Did we really expect a team quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson (four interceptions) and/or Brooks Bollinger (brutal fumble in overtime) to be a contender?
21. New Orleans Saints: Is it true that U2 and Green Day will return to the Superdome for Monday night's home opener and perform their newest tune, "The Saints Are Bumming?"
22. New York Jets: Hey, Justin McCareins, are you allergic to leather, or did you just get spooked by the whole O.J./seized football thing?
23. Carolina Panthers: How many touchdowns does Steve Smith have to score for the Panthers to have a chance against an AFC team?
24. Philadelphia Eagles: Can it really be this bad, or are Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb doing one of their rising-from-the-abyss things?
25. Buffalo Bills: When J.P. Losman says the Bills need to "open up the offense more in the beginning" of games, does anyone really disagree?
26. St. Louis Rams: Can someone please explain to me how a team with this many playmakers is averaging 14½ points a game?
27. New York Giants: Has Bill Parcells called yet?
28. Cleveland Browns: Hey, Romeo: If Derek Anderson is this good, why the hell did you open the season with Charlie Frye at quarterback?
29. Miami Dolphins: When Ricky Williams gets reinstated, how stupid would the Dolphins be not to play him?
30. Kansas City Chiefs: If I reminded you that this team made the playoffs last season, would you believe me?
31. Oakland Raiders: How many times does Josh McCown have to screw up before Lane Kiffin gives Daunte Culpepper a chance?
32. Atlanta Falcons: Yo, Byron Leftwich: Are you sure you want to climb aboard the S.S. Minnow?