Monologue Joke of the Evening

“We now own AIG — 80 percent of it. Because of all the outrage over the bonuses, armed guards now have to be placed outside the AIG offices. I have a better idea: Put all the employees inside, put bars on the windows, and call it a jail.”

The Tonight Show

American Idol Tosses Trash

On Wednesday, America eliminated Alexis Grace. Her exodus was overdue. Grace’s appearance was frightening. Her persona was horrific. Her talent was imaginary.

NEW RULE

“White Horse” deserves airplay.

Taylor Swift is an incredible artist. Unfortunately, radio will not play “White Horse.” Why? I have no clue. Currently, the song is fifth. Yet, “Love Story” is constant. This is ridiculous. Seriously, which lyric is superior? “It's a love story baby just say yes” or “I didn’t know to be in love.”

Worth A Read

By the Fault

Earth shattering economics, seismic politics, and volcanic commentary.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be retired?

According to Representative John Lewis, thirteen rescued banks owe taxes. President Obama’s reaction? “Can I hire them?”

Today’s top five or this weekend’s attractions (1) North Carolina, (2) Duke, (3) Louisville, (4) Connecticut, (5) Memphis

Jay Cutler: Show Me You Want Me

Agent Bus Cook: “Jay was disappointed in the firing of Mike Shanahan and met with the owner. The owner assured him everything would be fine. The owner said he had the second-best offense in football and would leave the offensive staff intact. Jay was good with that. Then he hires an offensive coach who gets rid of the staff.”

“Jay met with the coach early on and then told me everything was going to be OK. He said, 'We are going to work this out; we are on the same wavelength.' Everything was fine until Saturday two weeks ago. Jay called me and asked, 'Are they trying to trade me?' I told him, 'No, why would they try to do that?'”

“We told them the evening of our last meeting that Jay wanted to be a Bronco even before the meeting. Jay told them he understood about the coach's relationship with Matt Cassel. At no time was the coach critical of Jay. In fact, he told Jay soon after he got to Denver that Jay was the reason he came to Denver. So, why was he trying to trade him? All the guy had to do was say I dropped the ball, I have a special bond with Cassel, you are my guy. Jay never heard that. What he heard in the meeting was it could happen again.”

Trite Pundit’s Mockery

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Republican Sen. Charles Grassley said that AIG executives should follow the Japanese model by publicly apologizing and then resign or kill themselves. I have a better idea: Why not have them resign then kill themselves on Pay-Per-View? That would raise enough money to pay off everybody they screwed.”

The Tonight Show

Coach K Prods President, Predictors

NEW RULE

NCAA National Holiday.

During the first round, Americans accomplish nothing. We attend class and work. However, our attention is occupied. Congress should recognize this.

The Daily Smak

Hey, weren’t you Senator Chris Dodd?

According to a study, alcohol prevents heart attacks. This is true. Every morning, Mel Gibson consumes a six pack.

Today’s top five or NCAA Tournament favorites (1) North Carolina, (2) Louisville, (3) Memphis, (4) Connecticut, (5) Michigan State

Hocking Their Sacrifice

In the federal budget, President Obama proposed private veterans insurance. On Wednesday, he abandoned this proposal. President Obama’s decision is correct.

The United States armed forces preserve our freedom. They protect our nation. They are not merely another expenditure. They are not a cost reduction mechanism.

President Obama’s budget is $3.5 trillion. Private veterans insurance would have saved $534 million. President Obama’s premise was ridiculous. He should have never advocated this.

Chris Dodd: I’m Spartacus

Senator Chris Dodd (D-CT): "I'm the one who has led the fight against excessive executive compensation, often over the objections of many. I did not want to make any changes to my original Senate-passed amendment, but I did so at the request of administration officials, who gave us no indication that this was in any way related to AIG. Let me be clear: I was completely unaware of these AIG bonuses until I learned of them last week."

President Obama: I Want the Blame

President Obama: “If I could get done what I think needs to get done in four years, even if it meant that I was only president for four years, I would rather be a good president — to take on the tough issues for four years — than a mediocre president for eight years. I know Washington's all in a tizzy, and everybody's pointing fingers at each other and saying, 'It's their fault, the Democrats' fault, the Republicans' fault.' Listen, I'll take responsibility. I'm the president.”

From Stage to Screen… She Was Marvelous

Natasha Richardson
(1963-2009)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“They had a big St. Patty’s Day party at the White House complete with corned beef and cabbage and green beer. Things got ugly when Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve, mistook Dennis Kucinich for a leprechaun and tried to choke him for his gold.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

NCAA Tournament Predictions

First Round

East Regional
(1) Pittsburgh 81 (16) East Tennessee State 42
(2) Duke 90 (15) Binghamton 58
(3) Villanova 92 (14) American 64
(4) Xavier 84 (13) Portland State 70
(5) Florida State 78 (12) Wisconsin 66
(6) UCLA 80 (11) VCU 71
(7) Texas 76 (10) Minnesota 73
(9) Tennessee 82 (8) Oklahoma State 75

West Regional
(1) Connecticut 95 (16) UT-Chattanooga 52
(2) Memphis 92 (15) CSU-Northridge 58
(3) Missouri 68 (14) Cornell 50
(4) Washington 84 (13) Mississippi State 75
(12) Northern Iowa 69 (5) Purdue 68
(6) Marquette 78 (11) Utah State 71
(10) Maryland 81 (7) California 77
(8) BYU 72 (9) Texas A&M 70

South Regional
(1) North Carolina 100 (16) Radford 61
(2) Oklahoma 88 (15) Morgan State 57
(3) Syracuse 82 (14) Stephen F. Austin 59
(4) Gonzaga 84 (13) Akron 67
(5) Illinois 77 (12) Western Kentucky 71
(6) Arizona State 74 (11) Temple 69
(7) Clemson 85 (10) Michigan 69
(8) LSU 83 (9) Butler 82

Midwest Regional
(1) Louisville 103 (16) Morehead State 61
(2) Michigan State 87 (15) Robert Morris 61
(3) Kansas 82 (14) North Dakota State 59
(4) Wake Forest 84 (13) Cleveland State 68
(12) Arizona 63 (5) Utah 60
(6) West Virginia 79 (11) Dayton 77
(10) USC 76 (7) Boston College 75
(8) Ohio State 79 (9) Siena 74

Second Round

East Regional
(1) Pittsburgh 76 (9) Tennessee 74
(2) Duke 84 (7) Texas 79
(6) UCLA 81 (3) Villanova 80
(4) Xavier 79 (5) Florida State 78

West Regional
(1) Connecticut 90 (8) BYU 69
(2) Memphis 87 (10) Maryland 72
(3) Missouri 84 (6) Marquette 73
(4) Washington 92 (12) Northern Iowa 75

South Regional
(1) North Carolina 96 (8) LSU 73
(2) Oklahoma 75 (7) Clemson 71
(3) Syracuse 78 (6) Arizona State 73
(4) Gonzaga 82 (5) Illinois 78

Midwest Regional
(1) Louisville 83 (8) Ohio State 70
(2) Michigan State 79 (10) USC 67
(3) Kansas 82 (6) West Virginia 80
(4) Wake Forest 91 (12) Arizona 73

Sweet Sixteen

East Regional
(1) Pittsburgh 77 (4) Xavier 74
(2) Duke 83 (6) UCLA 80

West Regional
(1) Connecticut 89 (4) Washington 85
(2) Memphis 90 (3) Missouri 88

South Regional
(1) North Carolina 81 (4) Gonzaga 71
(3) Syracuse 76 (2) Oklahoma 75

Midwest Regional
(1) Louisville 84 (4) Wake Forest 81
(2) Michigan State 75 (3) Kansas 74

Elite Eight

East Regional
(2) Duke 77 (1) Pittsburgh 74

West Regional
(2) Memphis 86 (1) Connecticut 85

South Regional
(1) North Carolina 89 (3) Syracuse 81

Midwest Regional
(1) Louisville 75 (2) Michigan State 72

Final Four
(1) Louisville 78 (2) Memphis 77
(1) North Carolina 84 (2) Duke 76

NCAA Championship
(1) Louisville 89 (1) North Carolina 84

Federal Rescue

The Federal Reserve will purchase long-term treasuries. Thankfully, someone covets a solution.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Bristol Palin, the daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, has broken up with baby-daddy Levi Johnston. I was stunned. If two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

The Tonight Show

NBC CEO Excoriates Jon Stewart

NBC Universal CEO Jeff Zucker: “Everybody wants to find a scapegoat. That's human nature. But to suggest that the business media or CNBC was responsible for what is going on now is absurd. Just because someone who mocks authority says something doesn't make it so. It's unfair to CNBC and to the business media in general. I don't think you can blame what happened here on the business media.”

NEW RULE

President Obama is not sacred.

In Oregon, an eleven-year-old cannot parody President Obama. Parents complained. Every evening, comedians and commentators skewer politicians. Why should an eleven year old not enjoy similar privilege? President Obama is not Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, or the Easter Bunny. He can be imitated and mocked.

Worth A Read

The Press Play Show

Blogging music.

The Daily Smak

On April 21, American Idol trading cards will debut. I will swap Sanjaya for anyone.

According to a study, a thirty-minute walk increases lifespan. The United States Department of Obvious conducted this study.

Today’s top five or NCAA Tournament treasures (1) LSU vs. Butler, (2) Purdue vs. Northern Iowa, (3) Boston College vs. USC, (4) West Virginia vs. Dayton, (5) Texas vs. Minnesota

Geithner: AIG Will Pay

Secretary of Treasury Timothy Geithner: “We will impose on AIG a contractual commitment to pay the Treasury from the operations of the company the amount of the retention awards just paid. This situation dramatically underscores the need to adopt, as a critical part of financial regulatory reform, an expanded 'resolution authority' for the government to better deal with situations like this.”

Silence is Presidential

President Bush: “I'm not going to spend my time criticizing him. There are plenty of critics in the arena. He deserves my silence. I love my country a lot more than I love politics. I think it is essential that he be helped in office.”

NEW RULE

Green beer is required.

On Thanksgiving, Americans consume turkey. Turkey is routine. On Christmas, Americans receive gifts. Gifts are routine. On St. Patrick’s Day, Americans swallow green beer. On any other evening, green beer is perilous.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Denver Broncos Quarterback?

On Monday, Jay Cutler and Coach Josh McDaniels met. How dysfunctional is their relationship? AIG and Congress are friendlier.

According to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, “Americans are self-indulgent.” Thank God we have twitter.

Bonuses Aren’t Painless

Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA): “I suggest, you know, obviously, maybe they ought to be removed. But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they'd follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I'm sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide. And in the case of the Japanese, they usually commit suicide before they make any apology.”

Distrust… Betrayal… Dynasty Would Be Proud…

Jay Cutler: “I went in there with every intention of solving the issue, being a Bronco, moving forward as a Bronco. We weren't in there but about 20 minutes, [McDaniels] did most of the talking and as far as I'm concerned, he made it clear he wants his own guy. He admitted he wanted Matt Cassel because he said he has raised him up from the ground as a quarterback. He said he wasn't sorry about it. He made it clear that he could still entertain trading me because, as he put it, he'll do whatever he feels is in the best interest of the organization.”

“At the end of the meeting, he wasn't like, 'Jay, I want you as our quarterback, you're our guy.' It felt like the opposite. He basically said that I needed to tell him if we can't work this out, to let him know. I thought he was antagonizing me and that was disappointing because I was ready to move on, committed as a Bronco. Really, I figured we'd hash things out, shake hands, laugh a little and move forward. What happened [Saturday] was the last thing I expected. If I didn't think it could be fixed, I never would have come back to Denver. It was painfully obvious to me and Bus [Cook, his agent] it's not something they want to fix.”

“I certainly went back there, expecting I'd be there [Monday] but not now. It's not mandatory. I'll attend every mandatory minicamp and training camp but that's it. Really, it's best for me to move on. As Coach said, he needs every eye in the meeting room to be on him and not me. You know, even after the meeting, I hung around town, kind of expecting him to call me and say, 'Hey, let's just me and you get away and have lunch or a cup of coffee' and mend things, but that didn't happen. So, I get it, really, it's a business. I'm disappointed because I love being a Bronco but I think it's run its course. Before this trade for Cassel thing ever came up, in the two weeks or so I had spent with McDaniels, he was basically telling me that he came to Denver because he wanted to coach me and that we needed to trust each other. He's never been critical to me. But trust now? How can I trust him now?”

Coach Josh McDaniels: “I really have wanted to avoid a he-said, she-said thing but it's only fair for us to present the Bronco side of the story rather than let things get taken out of context. There's been a pattern here for the past two weeks the way things [have been represented] in our communications. I don't think anything that happened [Saturday] was out of the ordinary. At the end of the meeting, Jay said he had thought about things quite a bit and requested a few more hours to mull things over. He said he wanted to talk to Bus on how to proceed. He was gonna call me on my cell phone and that never happened. Instead, Bus called [GM] Brian [Xanders].”

“Again, I think that's been a pattern. I couldn't get [Cutler] to talk to me for two weeks or to talk to Mr. Bowlen. Then when he came here this weekend, we couldn't get a one-on-one meeting, just me and him alone. He wanted Bus in there, so I had Brian sit in, too. And it was the four of us. There wasn't any yelling, none of that. I can't believe we get to a totally different [interpretation]. It's an unfortunate set of circumstances that has cropped up, a potential distraction and we've done our best to limit that. The main message I want to get out is that we're excited to start our offseason program [Monday]. It's an exciting time for us.”

Cavalier Correction

On Monday, Virginia Coach Dave Leitao resigned. In four seasons, Leitao secured one NCAA Tournament appearance. He should have been fired.

Junkie Jones Jettisoned

On Monday, the Jacksonville Jaguars released wide receiver Matt Jones. I applaud them.

NEW RULE

Contracts are not unbreakable.

For their employees, A.I.G. has promised $165 million. Evidently, these bonuses are contractual. A.I.G. is ridiculous. Their agreements are immaterial. Their contracts are irrelevant. Their capital is ours. A.I.G., these are calamitous circumstances…Act as they are.

Worth A Read

March to Madness

All college basketball. No allegiances.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Torry Holt?

In Arkansas, a woman slipped tranquilizers into her employer’s coffee. In her opinion, “he needed to chill out.” Today, Bill Clinton said, “I should try that.”

Today’s top five favorite St. Patrick’s Day traditions (1) Green Guinness, (2) Green Budweiser, (3) Green Miller Lite, (4) Green Bud Light, (5) Killian’s Irish Red

An Activist American

Ron Silver
(1946-2009)

Selection Sunday: Reality & Reaction

For the second consecutive season, I applaud the selection committee. Between our projection and their reality, slight variations exist. With that stated, the overall competitive balance is exquisite.

East Regional (Boston, Massachusetts – TD Banknorth Garden)
Dayton, Ohio (University of Dayton Arena) - March 20 & 22
(1) Pittsburgh vs. (16) East Tennessee State
(8) Oklahoma State vs. (9) Tennessee

Boise, Idaho (Taco Bell Arena) – March 20 & 22
(5) Florida State vs. (12) Wisconsin
(4) Xavier vs. (13) Portland State

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Wachovia Center) – March 19 & 21
(6) UCLA vs. (11) VCU
(3) Villanova vs. (14) American

Greensboro, North Carolina (Greensboro Coliseum) - March 19 & 21
(7) Texas vs. (10) Minnesota
(2) Duke vs. (15) Binghamton

West Regional (Glendale, Arizona – University of Phoenix Stadium)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Wachovia Center) – March 19 & 21
(1) Connecticut vs. (16) UT-Chattanooga
(8) BYU vs. (9) Texas A&M

Portland, Oregon (Rose Garden) – March 19 & 21
(5) Purdue vs. (12) Northern Iowa
(4) Washington vs. (13) Mississippi State

Boise, Idaho (Taco Bell Arena) – March 20 & 22
(6) Marquette vs. (11) Utah State
(3) Missouri vs. (14) Cornell

Kansas City, Missouri (Sprint Center) – March 19 & 21
(7) California vs. (10) Maryland
(2) Memphis vs. (15) CSU-Northridge

South Regional (Memphis, Tennessee – Fed Ex Forum)
Greensboro, North Carolina (Greensboro Coliseum) - March 19 & 21
(1) North Carolina vs. (16) Radford
(8) LSU vs. (9) Butler

Portland, Oregon (Rose Garden) – March 19 & 21
(5) Illinois vs. (12) Western Kentucky
(4) Gonzaga vs. (13) Akron

Miami, Florida (American Airlines Arena) – March 20 & 22
(6) Arizona State vs. (11) Temple
(3) Syracuse vs. (14) Stephen F. Austin

Kansas City, Missouri (Sprint Center) – March 19 & 21
(7) Clemson vs. (10) Michigan
(2) Oklahoma vs. (15) Morgan State

Midwest Regional (Indianapolis, Indiana – Lucas Oil Stadium)
Dayton, Ohio (University of Dayton Arena) - March 20 & 22
(1) Louisville vs. (16) Morehead State\Alabama State
(8) Ohio State vs. (9) Siena

Miami, Florida (American Airlines Arena) – March 20 & 22
(5) Utah vs. (12) Arizona
(4) Wake Forest vs. (13) Cleveland State

Minneapolis, Minnesota (Metrodome) - March 20 & 22
(6) West Virginia vs. (11) Dayton
(3) Kansas vs. (14) North Dakota State

Minneapolis, Minnesota (Metrodome) - March 20 & 22
(7) Boston College vs. (10) USC
(2) Michigan State vs. (15) Robert Morris

NCAA Tournament Projection

East Regional (Boston, Massachusetts – TD Banknorth Garden)
Greensboro, North Carolina (Greensboro Coliseum) - March 19 & 21
(1) North Carolina vs. (16) Radford
(8) Texas vs. (9) Siena

Miami, Florida (American Airlines Arena) – March 20 & 22
(5) UCLA vs. (12) Minnesota
(4) Syracuse vs. (13) North Dakota State

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Wachovia Center) – March 19 & 21
(6) Illinois vs. (11) VCU
(3) Villanova vs. (14) East Tennessee State

Kansas City, Missouri (Sprint Center) – March 19 & 21
(7) California vs. (10) Dayton
(2) Oklahoma vs. (15) Cornell

West Regional (Glendale, Arizona – University of Phoenix Stadium)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Wachovia Center) – March 19 & 21
(1) Connecticut vs. (16) Alabama State
(8) BYU vs. (9) Texas A&M

Portland, Oregon (Rose Garden) – March 19 & 21
(5) Clemson vs. (12) Northern Iowa
(4) Washington vs. (13) American

Minneapolis, Minnesota (Metrodome) - March 20 & 22
(6) Arizona State vs. (11) Maryland
(3) Kansas vs. (14) Binghamton

Kansas City, Missouri (Sprint Center) – March 19 & 21
(7) LSU vs. (10) Michigan
(2) Memphis vs. (15) Robert Morris

South Regional (Memphis, Tennessee – Fed Ex Forum)
Dayton, Ohio (University of Dayton Arena) - March 20 & 22
(1) Pittsburgh vs. (16) Morgan State
(8) Butler vs. (9) Oklahoma State

Boise, Idaho (Taco Bell Arena) – March 20 & 22
(5) Purdue vs. (12) Arizona
(4) Florida State vs. (13) Mississippi State

Boise, Idaho (Taco Bell Arena) – March 20 & 22
(6) Utah vs. (11) Wisconsin
(3) Missouri vs. (14) Portland State

Greensboro, North Carolina (Greensboro Coliseum) - March 19 & 21
(7) Marquette vs. (10) USC
(2) Duke vs. (15) Stephen F. Austin

Midwest Regional (Indianapolis, Indiana – Lucas Oil Stadium)
Dayton, Ohio (University of Dayton Arena) - March 20 & 22
(1) Louisville vs. (16) Morehead State\UT-Chattanooga
(8) Ohio State vs. (9) Boston College

Portland, Oregon (Rose Garden) – March 19 & 21
(5) Xavier vs. (12) Cleveland State
(4) Gonzaga vs. (13) Akron

Miami, Florida (American Airlines Arena) – March 20 & 22
(6) West Virginia vs. (11) Temple
(3) Wake Forest vs. (14) Stephen F. Austin

Minneapolis, Minnesota (Metrodome) - March 20 & 22
(7) Tennessee vs. (10) Utah State
(2) Michigan State vs. (15) CSU-Northridge

Bracket Projection Sources:
ESPN
Sports Illustrated
Bracketography
Team Rankings

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Line of the Morning

Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

“The message here, I’m afraid, to any business out there that’s thinking about taking government money, is let’s enter into a bunch of contracts real quick, and we’ll have the taxpayers pay bonuses to our employees.”