Quitter Martinez

On Friday, Senator Mel Martinez (R-FL) resigned. His invalid reason is what?

NEW RULE

Train wrecks warrant silence.

Last week, Michelle Belliveau, Wendy Sewell, and Therese Ziemann were charged with false imprisonment and sexual assault. Allegedly, they invited someone away. They blindfolded him. They ensnared him. Onto his stomach, they glued his penis.

This week, the victim was also arrested. I will not assail anyone involved. I will not craft jokes. I will simply state the obvious. Ridiculous acts are a constant occurrence. One news cycle should ignore them.

Worth A Read

Blue Collar Republican

Some elephants cannot be stopped.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Rashard Lewis?

In Kenya, a man proposed an exchange. Forty goats and twenty cows for Chelsea Clinton. Even she has been inflation adjusted.

Today’s top five or steroid excuses (1) Label was incorrect, (2) Supplement was spiked, (3) Supplement was legal, (4) I was unaware, (5) I was succeeding

Senate Verdict Vindicates Dreadful Justice

On Thursday, the Senate confirmed Sonia Sotomayor (68-31). As previously stated, Sotomayor’s confirmation was absurd. Her judicial perspective is reprehensible. She will be an atrocious arbiter.

Rashard Lewis: Latest Label Excuser

On Thursday, Rashard Lewis was suspended for ten contests. Lewis’ excuse is irrelevant. Athlete’s ingestion is their responsibility.

Stallworth States the Obvious

Donte Stallworth: “I recognize that there is a difference between the legal standard in my criminal case and the standard to which NFL players are held. It is clear that I exercised poor judgment and caused irreparable harm to Mario Reyes, his family, the NFL, its owners, coaches, employees and to my fellow players.”

An Artist For Every Avenue

John Hughes
(1950-2009)

NEW RULE

Education should be age appropriate.

With Bebe Gloton, children can simulate nursing. Adults must experience children’s aspects. Children should not experience premature adulthood. Five year olds are not maternal. Five year olds are not parental. They should not act maternally or parentally.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Jason Cleary?

Delaware has authorized sports wagering. Today’s proposition? Joe Biden’s errors exceed Blue Hens’ victories.

According to the American Psychological Association, therapy cannot convert homosexuals. Ryan Seacrest is sans options.

Keith Olbermann Excoriates Corporate Governance, Purchased Representatives

NEW RULE

Sadism merits an additional sentence.

In California, Nicholas Bendle murdered Frederick Holgate. In Minnesota, Ludusky Sue Hotchkiss murdered Lakesha Victor. In Pennsylvania, Jeffrey Leinheiser and Christina Rubin murdered Marc Rubin. In Texas, Otty Sanchez murdered Scott Bucholz Sanchez. Bendle decapitated Holgate. Hotchkiss starved her disabled daughter. Leinheiser and Rubin dismembered their father. Sanchez beheaded her infant.

In America, victim’s disability, ethnicity, gender, origin, race, religion, and sexual orientation increase sentences. Decapitation, depravity, and dismemberment should also. For their thoughts, criminals have been excoriated and punished. Their acts merit similar condemnation.

Worth A Read

MJ’s Big Blog

She loves American Idol.

The Daily Smak

Hey, weren’t you an American Idol Judge?

Unfortunately, Paula Abdul’s contract negotiations never progressed. She requested $20 million. American Idol offered $10 million and Simon’s medication.

On Wednesday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was inaugurated. During his address, Ahmadinejad promised hopelessness, intolerance, and zero change.

Pittsburgh Endures Peril

In Pittsburgh, a gunman murdered three. He wounded nine. The victim’s families have our thoughts and prayers.

Savior Secures American Prisoners

On Monday, President Clinton visited North Korea. On Tuesday, Euna Lee and Laura Ling were released. I am elated I was incorrect.

Prattling, Preening Paula Purged

On Tuesday, Paula Abdul exited American Idol. “With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to Idol,” she said. “I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon.”

Abdul is ditzy, erratic, inane, unstable, and vacant. If a monkey with symbols performed, Abdul would dance. Her fawning was ridiculous. Her slobbering will not be missed.

Pierce Expresses Remorse, Extols Refocus

Antonio Pierce: “I am not sorry for how I acted that night. I am not sorry for how I responded. I am sorry for putting myself in position that I had to respond the way I had to respond. There [are] a lot of lessons I learned from this. I take them to heart and I take them seriously, obviously. It has been a lot of ups and downs.”

“I thought I acted very reasonably and responsibly and instinctively to a teammate that was in need, and that was my concern that night, to get him help. I am tired of seeing myself on the TV and hearing my name on the TV. It is time to talk about the New York Giants and the 2009 season. Anything that happened in 2008 is irrelevant at this point. I don't have nothing to say about that incident and that season because I have to move forward like our team does and that's what I plan on doing.”

“It's a lot easier when you are on that green field with the boys. Obviously, coming back up to Albany and getting ready for the 2009 season, that's what I have been looking forward to and that's what they have been looking forward to.”

Hammer Advocates Disclosure, Forgiveness

Hank Aaron: “I wish for once and forever that we could come out and say we have 100 and some names, name them all and get it over and let baseball go on. I don't know how they keep leaking out. I just wish that they would name them all and get it over with.”

“How long does a person have to die? I think the thing that bothers me is that he [Pete Rose] is missing out on a lot of things. He made a mistake. I don't know what else can be done, or what else can be said. I just think at some point he needs to start enjoying being a Hall of Famer.”

Giant Bargain

On Tuesday, the Kansas City Chiefs signed Amani Toomer. Toomer inked a one-year contract. “If you look at the situation here, with a new coach, a great quarterback, it's just a good situation for me to be in and I'm happy to be here,” he said. “It's like you can feel the excitement coming through in how the coaches are trying to change to environment.”

During his career, Toomer has amassed 668 receptions, 9,497 yards, and 54 touchdowns. His talent remains evident. New York never should have released him.

NEW RULE

Scams are simpler.

In Massachusetts, Jenni Brennan found her infant on the internet. An adoption scam included her son’s photograph. One’s initial thoughts may be outrage and shock. One may impugn the internet. The internet has not increased scam’s incidence. The internet merely simplified scams.

Once, scams required intensive effort. Today, scams require a laptop. Craig’s List has supplanted bulletin boards and newspapers. America has coarsened. However, Americans have been uninspired and sluggish. Internet scams simply equal our indolence.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the Arena Football League?

According to a study, twenty-seven million utilize antidepressants. Popular antidepressants include Celexa, Lexapro, and Entourage.

Today’s top five or Arena Football League’s finest (1) Tampa Bay Storm, (2) Detroit Drive, (3) San Jose Saber Cats, (4) Orlando Predators, (5) Arizona Rattlers

Savior Willy?

On Monday, President Clinton visited North Korea. North Korea is irrational. North Korea is unreasonable. President Clinton will not secure our prisoners. He will not solve their nuclear ambition.

Inevitable Indictment Binds Burress

In Super Bowl XLII, Plaxico Burress snared the penultimate pass. On September 4, he signed a 5-year, $35 million contract. On September 25, he was suspended for two weeks. On December 1, he was charged with criminal weapons possession. Burress’ plunge was both conceivable and unfathomable.

On Monday, Burress was indicted. The potential penalty? Forty-two months incarceration. “The grand jury applied the law to the facts of this case,” said Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau.

On November 27, Burress entered a nightclub. His concealed weapon was unregistered. Burress’ gun slipped. A bullet pierced his thigh. On December 2, he was suspended again. On April 3, the Giants released him. “When you have the mayor and the district attorney both publicly demanding a maximum prison sentence, it was perhaps too much to hope for the grand jury to conduct a sympathetic review of the unique facts of this sad case,” said Burress’ Attorney Benjamin Brafman.

During his career, Burress has amassed 505 receptions, 7,845 yards, and 55 touchdowns. With the Giants, he totaled 244 receptions, 3,681 yards, and 33 touchdowns. “

In New York, criminal weapons possession is an unjustifiable offense. Burress’ career is concluded. He will be incarcerated. The question is his sentence.

NEW RULE

Employment needed recovery and reinvestment.

On January 20, the unemployment rate was 7.2%. On July 3, the unemployment rate was 9.5%. The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act should have included corporate and individual tax cuts, credit incentives, and employment projects. Instead, pervert revues, pornographic films, and simulated sex dances may be subsidized.

President Obama should be ashamed. Americans need employment. They need money. They need solutions. Unfortunately, unemployment will rise. Salaries will regress. Solutions remain unseen.

Americans are agonizing. Americans are suffering. When will change arrive? When will ideological reeducation conclude?

Worth A Read

Outside the Box Score

In Soviet Russia, Al Davis drafts you.

The Daily Smak

This weekend, the New England Patriots signed a quarterback… Cleo Lemon.

In Minnesota, Democrats’ website included an obscene video… Congresswoman Michelle Bachman curling her hair.

Today’s top five or World Series favorites (1) Phillies, (2) Red Sox, (3) Dodgers, (4) Yankees, (5) Angels

Big Five & Hot Five

Big Five

1. Michael Vick
2. Sonia Sotomayor
3. Michael Phelps
4. Military Appropriations
5. Ashley Fiolek

Hot Five

1. Beer Summit
2. Michael Vick
3. Michael Phelps
4. MLB Trading Deadline
5. Erin Andrews

Line of the Morning

Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC)

“I just think this is a great example of the stupidity that's coming out of Washington right now. We estimated this would cost $1 billion. Now they're saying we need $2 billion more. Our children and grandchildren can't afford to make these car dealers well right now.”