Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 3-5)

Meineke Car Care Bowl
West Virginia (-1 ½) vs. North Carolina
Pat White amasses four touchdowns. West Virginia walks.

Champs Sports Bowl
Wisconsin vs. Florida State (-5 ½)
Since 2004, Florida State has alternated postseason victories. Favor the Seminoles.

Emerald Bowl
Miami-Florida vs. California (-8)
The Hurricanes should have suspended this appearance.

Independence Bowl
Northern Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech (Even)
For three quarters, they will skirmish. In the fourth quarter, Louisiana Tech survives.

NEW RULE (Best of 2008 - #5)

Racism is repugnant.

David and Elizabeth Lawson have created the Sock Obama doll. You read correctly. A stylish, plush simian politician. David and Elizabeth Lawson’s racism is unoriginal. For decades, African-Americans have been labeled monkeys. This slur and the n-word are interchangeable.

Unfortunately, ignorance and prejudice are universal. Income and intelligence are irrelevant. The Sock Obama is not amusing, entertaining, or interesting. Yet, college graduates and rural voters have laughed. David and Elizabeth Lawson sought the lowest common denominator. They succeeded. Their childish and opportunistic racism offends America.

The Daily Smak (Best of 2008)

According to archaeologists, ancient Mayans sacrificed boys. They did not sacrifice virgin girls. In either scenario, Ryan Seacrest is safe.

On Friday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad challenged Senators John McCain and Barack Obama. He requested a debate. Only one stipulation… Ahmadinejad chooses the questions, answers, and nuclear weapons.

According to the United States National Institutes of Health, doctors routinely proscribe placebos. Paris Hilton’s reaction? “If I’m sick, why would I need a gazebo?”

Merry Christmas

Hills Concludes Scintillating Season

Moments encrust our lives. They align and individualize. They fade and sparkle. They gratify and sadden. These moments are omnipresent. These moments are undervalued.

On Monday, Heidi and Lauren reconnected. Heidi discussed her marriage and mother. Lauren consoled and encouraged. The moment was emotional. However, the reality remained obvious. Heidi and Spencer negate Heidi and Lauren.

Audrina and Justin discussed their relationship. Justin offered a ring. A commitment ring? An engagement ring? A friendship ring? A promise ring? He never said. Why not? Another existential excursion? Another “labels are a societal norm” statement?

Heidi and Spencer visited a courthouse. Amidst their legal nuptials, Spencer paused. Was Heidi happy? Should they reconsider? Heidi cried. Their “marriage” evaporated. I applaud Spencer. He could have cajoled. He could have manipulated. Instead, he exhibited consideration and respect. I thought this impossible.

Overall, this season was revitalized. The drama was exemplary. The personalities were intriguing. The results were scrumptious. Once again, the Hills provided fascinating television. They recaptured their crowned jewel status.

Betting the Pass Line (Season: 43-32 Bowls: 2-3)

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
Boise State vs. TCU (-3)
Bowl season’s most exquisite pairing. Both can score. Both can defend. Via a minimal margin, TCU wins.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
Hawaii vs. Notre Dame (-1 ½)
In bowl appearances, Charlie Weis is 0-2. He needs this victory.

Motor City Bowl
Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan (-6)
Both possess spectacular offenses. With that stated, Central Michigan will win.

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Cedric Benson (RB – Bengals): 38 carries, 171 yards
(Win: 14-0 at Browns)

Matt Cassel (QB – Patriots): 20/36, 345 yards, 3 td
(Win: 47-7 vs. Cardinals)

Justin Gage (WR – Titans): 5 receptions, 104 yards, 1 td
(Win: 31-14 vs. Steelers)

Vincent Jackson (WR – Chargers): 7 receptions, 111 yards
(Win: 41-24 at Buccaneers)

Peyton Manning (QB – Colts): 29/34, 364 yards, 3 td
(Win: 31-24 at Jaguars)

La’Ron McClain (RB – Ravens): 22 carries, 139 yards, 1 td
(Win: 33-24 at Cowboys)

Maurice Morris (RB – Seahawks): 29 carries, 116 yards
(Win: 13-3 vs. Jets)

Derrick Ward (RB – Giants): 15 carries, 215 yards
(Win: 34-28 vs. Panthers)

Schembechler Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Head Coach)

Paul Johnson
(Georgia Tech)

Deion Sanders Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Athlete)

Tim Tebow
(Florida)

GAME BALLS AWARD (College Football Edition)

Sam Bradford (QB – Oklahoma)

(Seven)

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Marino-Elway Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Quarterback)

Sam Bradford
(Oklahoma)

Emmitt Smith Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Running Back)

Glen Coffee
(Alabama)

Jerry Rice Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Wide Receiver)

Michael Crabtree
(Texas Tech)

Orlando Pace Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Offensive Lineman)

Antoine Caldwell
(Alabama)

Nittany Landlord

For forty-three seasons, Joe Paterno has educated, inspired, and matured. Questioning his incumbency was asinine.

On Tuesday, Penn State retained Paterno. Paterno signed a three-year contract. “I just get tired of recruits asking me, 'How long are you going to be there?’ But most of them are fine,” said Paterno. “There's no reason for me not to think that I can go for a while. Now how long is a while? I don't know.”

During his career, Paterno has amassed a 383-126-3 record. He has won two NCAA Championships. He has garnered three Big Ten Conference championships. He has secured 35 bowl appearances (23-10-1).

Penn State has a signature cheer. For Paterno, this cheer is applicable. He is Penn State.

Bruce Smith Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Defensive Lineman)

Brian Orakpo
(Texas)

Lawrence Taylor Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Linebacker)

Rey Maualuga
(USC)

Darrell Green Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Defensive Back)

Nic Harris
(Oklahoma)

Jason Hanson Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Place Kicker)

Ryan Pretorius
(Ohio State)

Chris Gardocki Award (Nation’s Most Outstanding Punter)

A.J. Trapasso
(Ohio State)

Line of the Morning

Vice President Dick Cheney

“He [Vice President-Elect Biden] also said that all the powers and responsibilities of the executive branch are laid out in Article I of the Constitution. Well, they're not. Article I of the Constitution is the one on the legislative branch. Joe's been chairman of the Judiciary Committee, a member of the Judiciary Committee in the Senate for 36 years, teaches constitutional law back in Delaware, and can't keep straight which article of the Constitution provides for the legislature and which provides for the executive…”