For A Few Dollars… Gone

Money is ubiquitous. Money is inspiring, insipid, and incendiary. Allegedly, money cannot purchase friends, love, health, happiness, or spirituality. With that stated, money facilitates projects. Money rescinds commitment. Money induces passion. Money affords finer circumstances. Money elevates status. Obviously, the poets were wrong. Money purchases all.

On Friday, the Orlando Magic hired Florida Coach Billy Donovan. Donovan signed a 5-year, $27.5 million contact. According to him, alteration was necessary. “Certainly, I could've stayed at Florida. ... It was a comfortable decision with four children and our family being happy there," Donovan said. "I know the athletic director. We've obviously had tremendous success. I could have just stayed and waited. ... I think in this day and age with so much the publicity and so much attention on college and professional basketball now, it's really hard to stay at place for a long, long period of time.”

Annually, Donovan will receive $5.5 million. His pact also includes condominium access and hiring privileges. In supporting roles, Donovan may install thirteen cohorts.

Overall, Donovan’s record is 296-123. During his Marshall tenure, Donovan posted a 35-20 mark. During his Florida reign, Donovan logged a 261-103 ledger. He also accrued a 22-7 NCAA Tournament record and three championship contest appearances.

From 2005-2007, Donovan’s Gators tallied sixty-eight wins, twelve consecutive NCAA tournament victories, consecutive SEC tournament championships, and consecutive NCAA tournament championships. In April, Florida and Donovan negotiated an extension. Unfortunately, said extension went unsigned.

Following his second title, Donovan attained rare status. He became an idol. Alas, Donovan was an ignorant idol. Last week, money was thrown before him. He fell. Donovan sold his loyalty.

Worth A Read

Homer Derby

Lunch table, bleachers, and bar baseball conversation. Excellent, unusual photography.

Our Nation Saved

Authorities have thwarted a catastrophic terrorist plot. Jihadists were targeting both John F. Kennedy International Airport and the Buckeye Pipeline. Three men have been arrested. One remains unconfined. Obviously, terrorists have retained their resolve. The FBI and New York State Police deserve America’s gratitude.

Rocket Scrubbed

Roger Clemens will miss Monday’s start. According to the New York Times, Clemens has a fatigued right groin. Clemens is impact. However, Clemens is also 45 years old. The New York Yankees knew both his reward and risks.

Traveler Terrible

Dramas are trendy. Terrorism is a defining issue. Blending them would create brilliant television. Granted, the subject matter is complicated. Yet, how could the concept fail?

On Wednesday, I viewed ABC’s “Traveler.” The endeavor is horrendous. The acting is terrible. The sequencing is scattered. The plot is implausible. Pathetically, the episode concluded with a Department of Homeland Security sanctioned assassination.

Network television is disintegrating. The reason? Executive’s fascination with darkened humanity. Shows concerning Irish mob families, Colombian drug cartels, and terrorism are unsavory. Audiences desire relatable characters and situations. Networks must realize this.

Their Money Is Green

Cindy Sheehan is selling Camp Casey. Move America Forward is interested. However, they support our troops. Sheehan has resigned. Why should she care who purchases the protest tract?

Our Favorite Fool

Chad Johnson versus a horse? For charity, Johnson will oppose colt Restore the Roar. Proceeds will benefit Feed the Children. Johnson is an ass. However, he is lovable. Terrell Owens is infuriating. Johnson is comical and amusing. His antics are not detrimental. They are welcome.

NEW RULE

Repeated cranial blows are bad.

According to the NFL, concussions lack consequences. The NFL’s opinion is absurd. Why are they uncaring? Humanity blurs their narrative. Depression and vomiting compromise football. Gladiators, warriors, and legends are desired. Roger Goodell should conduct research or Ray Lewis should tackle him. Either would prove productive.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you use to be the Florida Gators Coach?

Following his stellar performance, I salute the King. Lebron was exceptional, phenomenal, insert your adjective. With that stated, anyone believe Zeke, Joe D, Mahorn, or Laimbeer would have allowed those slams?

Presumably, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip’s final episode has aired. Nice formula peacock. Wonder why you’re fourth? Relevant dramas… cancelled. Morbidly obese reality… renewed.

What We Can Do

The human genome has been created. Appropriately, DNA creator James D. Watson received the first. America is amazing. We discovered electricity. We invented automobiles. Today, we are mapping genetics. We are realizing disease predisposition. What a country.

Worth A Read

Jokers to the Right

Sarcastically, Townhall intern surmises politics. A self-glossed young conservative’s illustrated primer.

Enigma From LA

In 1996, Kobe Bryant smiled with sunglasses atop his head. From 2000-2002, Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal, and Phil Jackson accrued three championships. Bryant’s talent was unquestioned. His character was flawless. Unfortunately, squabbling and Colorado occurred. The Los Angeles Lakers endured two non-title seasons. Bryant was charged with rape. O’Neal and Jackson departed. A dynasty was dismantled. Subsequently, Bryant continued scoring. However, his era had ended.

On Wednesday, Bryant demanded a trade. Hours subsequent, he rescinded said demand. Allegedly, conflict and Lakers’ non-improvement angered Bryant. Owner Jerry Buss says Bryant is merely frustrated. “I talked with Kobe this morning and assured him that I share his frustration and, more importantly, I assured him that we will continue to pursue every avenue possible to improve our team with him as the cornerstone,” Buss said. “I told him that we will keep him apprised of our progress and we agreed that we will talk again in the very near future.”

During his career, Bryant has registered 24.6 points, 5.2 rebounds, and 4.5 assists per contest. He has tallied three thirty-plus point seasons. He has also logged consecutive scoring titles. Bryant has been All-NBA on nine occasions and All-Defensive squad on seven.

As previously stated, Bryant’s tenure has been tumultuous. Amidst Lakers’ dominance, he and O’Neal publicly feuded. Bryant’s legal ordeal was also turbulent. His reputation was marred. His marriage was mocked. Bryant was permanently sullied. During the subsequent three seasons, Bryant has labored. He has been a star amongst stooges.

Bryant has aged. Unfortunately, growth is not universal. Character, stature, and admiration diverge. Once, Bryant was unique. He was a beloved idol. He was an example for generations. Today, he is a squandered lesson. A millionaire, an enigma, and a hoodlum…akin to his colleagues.

A Hoax in the Head?

On Thursday, a study was released. According to the Center for the Study of Retired Athletes, multiple concussions triple clinical depression’s risk. Obviously, the NFL disputes this analysis. The concussion quarrel mirrors the global warming fracas. Democrats embrace global warming. Republicans dispute the science. Similarly, the NFL and doctors argue concussions. One lone fact is indisputable. Repeated cranial blows are bad.

NEW RULE

Trade demands are irrevocable.

On Wednesday, Kobe Bryant demanded a trade. Subsequently, he rescinded said demand. Unfortunately, his action is impossible. Once said, certain statements are permanent. These statements include I heart boy bands, I want sex with your sister, I am planning a murder. I demand a trade? Sorry Kobe, no retractions.

Street Sense Not Startin

Street Sense will not run the Belmont Stakes. This decision is both unsurprising and unfortunate. Given the circumstances, Belmont is irrelevant. With that stated, Street Sense’s absence revokes another chance to witness brilliance.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you use to want to be traded… errrr not want to be traded.

Yesterday, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa endorsed Senator Hillary (Rodham optional) Clinton. Governor Bill (You may be overqualified for this job) Richardson… what’s that handle in your back? What’s oozing out?

Fresh from the rumor mill (where brains and cash are mutually exclusive), Mark Cuban and his seven morons may challenge the NFL… Their venture’s name? The UFL (which stands for Unbalanced Fools with Loot).

Two Winners, One Champion

On Sunday, two novelties occurred. Dario Franchitti garnered the Indianapolis 500. Casey Mears captured the Coca-Cola 600. Franchitti’s wife is Ashley Judd. Mears’ victory was his first.

Is Indianapolis irrelevant? The fabled legend needed glitter. Another heart stopping finish was required. Danica Patrick, another American, or an Andretti winning was craved. Instead, the Indianapolis 500 was rain shortened and delayed. Non-Americans owned and won the race. The event concluded opposite Charlotte’s commencement. Ultimately, the victor’s wife overshadowed the victor.

Following 155 starts, Mears recorded victory. Conversely, Patrick has accrued 36 starts. Yet, her expectations dwarf Mears’. Patrick has been labeled a tart and a failure. She is another woman who cannot win. Mears’ talent mirrors Patrick’s. Despite his struggling, no one berated him. Mears would win. The question was when?

NASCAR’s popularity is exploding. Indy Car’s esteem is nonexistent. The reasons are numerous. NASCAR’s drivers are personable. Their owners are colorful. Their machines mimic our own. Indy’s drivers are bland. Their owners are reclusive. Their machines are intricate and complex.

Indianapolis has stature. Unfortunately, reputation and age are synonymous. Our nation values youth. We value trends. We value relatable stars and scenarios. Indianapolis possesses none of these. Indianapolis is akin to the Kentucky Derby and the championship fight. All are viewed. However, the viewers are minimal.

Un Balanced Loon

According to Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban, investors are mulling an NFL challenge. The UFL would include eight franchises. Their contests would originate on Friday nights. Cuban is a moron. Previously, the World Football League, United States Football League, and the Extreme Football League commenced. Each failed spectacularly. The NFL is untouchable. Immediately, Cuban should abandon this delusion.

Forgiving All Transgressions

On Wednesday, the NCAA granted Duke’s request. Thirty-three suspended players will receive another season. Concerning this decision, I am conflicted. Duke’s campaign cancellation was erroneous. The accused should have been suspended. The season should have continued. With that stated, the players embarrassed Duke. They warranted punishment. Granting a reprieve absolves them. This is unfortunate.

Model Commitment

According to President Bush, South Korea is the model. In 1953, the Korean War concluded. However, United States troops have remained as peacekeepers. Iraq will require a mirror commitment. If America abandoned Korea, war would ensue. If America forsakes Iraq, an entire region will be sacrificed.

Politics Is Thicker Than Blood

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa has endorsed Senator Hillary Clinton. This endorsement illustrates the obvious. Winning potential dictates support. Heritage and ethnicity are irrelevant.

NEW RULE

Children do not deserve death.

Being an asshole is your prerogative. With that stated, your children are innocent. You are a loser. Your children may become scientists, actors, or amazing parents. Your suicide should not squelch them.

The Daily Smak

Today’s top five or reasons Lindsay Lohan is addicted… (1) Her father, (2) her mother, (3) her schedule, (4) her age, (5) that 70’s show idiot.

I’m not the smartest person (shaddup!). With that stated, no one can defend this Britney Spears blast… “I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce.” Yes, Britney. However, most divorcees wear panties.

Cindy Sheehan (sniff) has quit (sniff) as “the face of the anti-war movement.” (waaah) Sheehan is bent because America is a pop culture nation… What did she expect? She annoys on CNN and suddenly, the fifteen year olds ignore Blake and download Edwin Starr? (Protests, what are they good for… absolutely nothing)

Good-Bye Miss Hates America

Cindy Sheehan: “This is my resignation letter as the "face" of the American anti-war movement. This is not my "Checkers" moment, because I will never give up trying to help people in the world who are harmed by the empire of the good old US of A, but I am finished working in, or outside of this system. This system forcefully resists being helped and eats up the people who try to help it. I am getting out before it totally consumes me or anymore people that I love and the rest of my resources. I have tried every since he [her son] died to make his sacrifice meaningful. Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives. It is so painful to me to know that I bought into this system for so many years and Casey paid the price for that allegiance. I failed my boy and that hurts the most.”

Sheehan is ridiculous. She is also not perceptive. American Idol’s ratings have declined.

Viewers Choice, Lauren’s Fashion

Concerning her MTV Movie Awards fashion, Lauren Conrad is indecisive. Thus, she has requested assistance. Via Yahoo, fans can select her dress. Options include Pamela Roland, Castle Starr, and Samantha Treacy designs. This concept screams publicity stunt. However, this concept is inventive. Viewers propel television. Seeking their involvement is admirable. I applaud both Conrad and MTV.

Old School

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The Recapist

Fans watch, summarize television shows. A water cooler for the world.

Amidst Genocide, He Acts

On Tuesday, President Bush ordered new Darfur sanctions. Immediately, the President’s actions were criticized. Most Americans cannot locate Darfur. They could not pinpoint Rwanda. In 1994, President Clinton ignored their conflict. Facing similar circumstances, President Bush acted.

NEW RULE

Inanimate objects are innocent.

When drunk, do not break windows, punch walls, or destroy property. Glass, drywall, and rubber did not trigger your situation. Alcohol induced your problem. Abandon the bottle. Apologize to your spouse. Then, break your bed.

Oblivious Britney’s Obvious Solutions

Britney Spears: “Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another person's intentions or what another person wants. ... I have had to cut so many people out of my life. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or `Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me. We will never really understand or figure out life completely. That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him ... or her.”

Britney Spears is unbelievable. Despite evident defects, she remains oblivious. She compared herself and an ADD child. Is she serious? Spears was flaunting alcoholism and obnoxiousness. She was not afflicted with a disease. She was directed and shocked? Britney, reject unwanted advice. She poured love and energy into her relationship? She was sad and lost? She had raunchy sex with a pothead. She should not have been shocked when he acted as pothead. She was never good enough? Britney quit whining. Spears is becoming irrelevant. She cannot wait for a meeting with God? Britney, continue treading your current path. You will meet God sooner than expected.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to co-host “The View?”

Speaking o’ Rosie (that’s big fat lesbian loud Rosie), the question is obvious… What’s the market for an obnoxious, twice-failed screaming slob?

Fresh from the rumor mill (where we eyeball two drivers sans talent), spies say Jay-Z is craving NASCAR. His dream team? Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Danica Patrick. I’m pondering their theme song… It’s a no win race for us, it’s a no win race for us…

“A Thoughtful & Caring Young Man”

Marquise Hill
(1982-2007)

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Style Departs

Brian Leetch and Mike Richter defined the New York Rangers. They were Gotham’s granite superstars. Amidst glitz and glamour, they were consistent and colorless. Each contest, they performed. Each season, they excelled. Leetch and Richter were not merely perennial all-stars. They were a franchise and a city’s heartbeat.

On Friday, Leetch retired. Via a statement, Leetch said farewell. "I have been fortunate to be an NHL player since 1988," he said. "I missed being in the NHL this past season but believe it was the right time for me to stop playing."

During 17 New York seasons, Leetch recorded 240 goals and 741 assists. During Toronto and Boston campaigns, he tallied 7 goals and 40 assists. In total, Leetch accrued 247 goals, 781 assists, and 1,028 points. He also garnered the 1994 Conn Smythe Trophy.

Leetch was a class individual. In this era, athletes are pampered and preening. In New York, megalomaniacs rule. Leetch was articulate and respectful. Competitors should mirror his example. Sports will regret his absence.

Parenting Reprehensibly

On Sunday, Chicago police officer Robert Gallegos was charged with aggravated battery. Allegedly, Gallegos’ avenged his son’s argument. The victim suffered a broken jaw and additional injuries. Parents, act your title. Discuss situations with a school administrator. Refrain from accosting or assaulting your children’s classmates. Your function is not retaliation. Set a positive example. Do not become a defendant.

An Innocent Victim

Howard Porter
(1948-2007)

Line of the Morning

Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)

“I think we can fix this… take this amnesty portion out. We do have a bill that should be worked.”