Actions Scream

On Thursday, Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD) met with Muslim Brotherhood Parliament Leader Mohammed Saad el-Katatni. Nancy Pelosi visits Syria. Hoyer councils a banned organization.

Obviously, the Democrats oppose terrorism.

David Carr: Discarded, Not Disgraceful

David Carr is a miserable failure. David Carr is an unproven talent. David Carr hindered his supporting cast. David Carr was inadequately supported. David Carr’s career is interpretably gray. The shades are a psychiatrist’s delight.

On Friday, the Carolina Panthers singed Carr. Carr, who will serve as Jake Delhomme’s apprentice, inked a 2-year, $6.2 million deal. Previously, the number one selection started 76 of 80 Houston Texans contests.

In total, Carr has completed 1,243 of 2,070 passes for 13,391 yards with 59 touchdowns and 65 interceptions. His spotlight season occurred in 2004. During that campaign, Carr 285 of 466 passes for 3,531 yards with 16 touchdowns. Carr’s career starting record 23-53.

The aforementioned is horrific. However, Carr’s former franchise is also horrific. Houston’s drafting has been inept. Their management has been miserable. Their offensive line has performed pathetically. Carr was not brilliant. However, he was not Akili Smith. Hopefully, Houston’s fans will abandon the Texans. Abandon them as they abandoned David Carr.

Kentucky & Gillispie: Convenience

On Thursday, Kentucky Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart advocated patience. Kentucky’s priority was not hiring a coach. Kentucky’s priority was hiring the coach. On Thursday, Kentucky hired Texas A&M Coach Billy Gillispie. Gillispie signed a seven-year, $16 million deal.

Immediately, the Louisville Courier-Journal assaulted him with “Gillispie has history of drunk-driving arrests.” Bloggers questioned his personality and recruiting. ESPN lamented him as Kentucky’s third choice. A honeymoon’s semblance was nonexistent.

Combining UTEP and Texas A&M, Gillispie’s record is 100-58. With that stated, he was not chosen. Kentucky is a fading and fractured program. Gillispie was an advancing coach. The pair were mutually cohesive.

The Hills’ Common Threads

On Monday, “the Hills” second season concluded. Heidi continued discussing her relocation dilemma. She also reiterated her commitment to Lauren. Lauren rebuffed her, saying, “Don’t let me be a factor in your decision. I don’t live with you. I live with your stuff.”

Unfazed, Heidi sought two coworker’s advice. Both coworkers opposed the idea. Elodie revisited Spencer’s abhorrent behavior. As Heidi departed, both coworkers exchanged skeptical glances. Moments subsequent, Spencer phoned Heidi with “a surprise.” Amidst more skeptical glances, Heidi exited.

Heartbeats later, Heidi and Spencer toured a condo. Spencer charmed her. Heidi consented to cohabitation. Upon notifying Elodie, who had shockingly dark died her blonde hair, Elodie left shaking her head. Meanwhile, Spencer revealed his motive. He wanted Heidi and Lauren separated. He also divulged his second cellular phone. He told Brody, “I’m a player, I was born a player.” Spencer remains despicable.

Observing everyone’s reactions, the inference is obvious. Heidi and Spencer’s cohabitation is a mistake. Worse, the mistake is preventable. Unfortunately, Heidi is akin to a drug abuser. Everyone realizes the problem. Everyone anticipates the disastrous result. However, Heidi is ignorant. She must experience calamity prior to realizing the evident. The aforesaid is tragic.

After arriving in New York City, Whitney interviewed with Teen Vogue. Sadly, her interview was microscopic. Her future was not announced. However, I believe she will not be hired.

Heidi’s exodus was sudden. One afternoon, she was Lauren’s roommate. The next afternoon, she was taping boxes. Following hugs and platitudes, Heidi and Lauren split. One scene later, Lauren entered her apartment toting pizza and champagne. She summoned her roommate and Audrina appeared. Amidst boxes, the two popped the cork and appeared blissful, contrasting Spencer’s “Lauren is miserable” statement.

I am elated for Lauren. Audrina is both sensible and mature. Lauren deserves these qualities in a roommate. Overall, this season was exceptional. The drama was terrific. The drama was also mirroring. Spencer and Heidi are Jason and Lauren. The similarities cannot be ignored. As for myself, I will conclude with a recurring theme also. I will conclude where I commenced, with eight words… Heidi, you ignorant slut, what were you thinking?

O’Reilly and Rivera’s Root

The cause of Bill O’ Reilly and Gerald Rivera’s skirmish… The deaths of Alison Kunhardt (17 years old) and Tessa Tranchant (16).

First, let's agree that Virginia Beach is a nice place to live. The beaches are beautiful. The climate is mild. The schools are good. The city is relatively safe.

Virginia Beach also has gangs, illegal immigrants and occasional irrational outbursts from the people who run it.

Police Chief Jake Jacocks, for instance, said he found it "ironic that had the intoxicated driver been born and raised in Virginia Beach, little notice would have been given this senseless tragedy by the media or the community at large."

Wrong, Chief.

Any time an alleged drunk is accused of killing two people, it's news.

Unfortunately, when the culprit is a homegrown hairball, we're stuck with him.

In this case, the suspect, 22-year-old Alfredo Ramos, admitted he is in the country illegally.

The public was astonished to learn that not only had Ramos had earlier brushes with the law, but during those encounters - including a DUI conviction in Chesapeake - the Mexican's immigration status was of no interest to authorities.

We all know the laws are a federal matter and that the feds don't do enough to enforce them. Still, the cities didn't even try to find out if Ramos was here legally.

That's why the common-sense crowd is outraged.

Virginia Beach officials need to stop pretending this was just a fatal car wreck. They should use it as a catalyst to fix their flawed policies toward illegal immigration.

Instead, they defend the indefensible. And they even found a way to make a bad situation worse.

“Cool Your Jets, Bull”

Real Estate With Strings

Los Angeles, California

A famous piece of Hollywood is up for sale. The owners of the Magic Castle and the Japanese mansion that houses the Yamashiro restaurant are looking for someone interested in acquiring the landmarks and the surrounding 10-acre hilltop property.

The buyer would get a valuable piece of land located just above Grauman's Chinese Theatre, the Hollywood Walk of Fame and other tourist attractions.

Part of the property can be developed, but the buyer must preserve the nearly century-old Magic Castle and Yamashiro because they are designated historic landmarks, said Andy Ulloa, a part owner of the property.

Toledo, Ohio

Mike Bassett wants to give away a house, a big house, with a fireplace, built-in cabinets, a bay window, two full bathrooms and walk-in closets.

There's just one catch — the lucky recipient has to move it.

Bassett says if he doesn't have a taker by July 1, he will raze the structure to make way for more parking for his supermarket and gas station next door in the town 45 miles southeast of Toledo.

Ratastrophe

Patient’s mouth houses dead rat? Allegedly, nursing home overbooked for corporate bonuses. Simultaneously, they sliced staff. The incident then occurred.

If true, home is despicable and should close. If false, they deserve an apology.

Billy Donovan, Gator

Thank you Billy Donovan. Thank you for ignoring greed. Thank you for displaying loyalty. Thank you for not discarding a winning program for a ravenous program. Thank you for not confusing excellence and tradition.

Officially, Donovan has spurned Kentucky. He will remain with Florida. According to Donovan, his decision was obvious. "It came down to one thing -- I'm happy," Donovan said. "My family is happy. The job was never offered to me. I did talk to Mitch [Barnhart]. I appreciate him never calling me during the NCAA tournament. He handled it first class. I never wanted this to be a bidding war with Kentucky and Florida. You can't buy happiness, and the school [Florida] has always taken care of me."

During his Florida tenure, Donovan has accrued a 265-103 ledger. He has posted a 22-7 NCAA tournament record. The aforesaid includes three championship contest appearances. Since 2005, Donovan’s Gators have tallied sixty-eight wins, twelve consecutive NCAA tournament victories, consecutive SEC tournament championships, and consecutive NCAA tournament championships. Simultaneously, Kentucky has garnered a 44-25 record.

Donovan’s decision was correct. Florida is a flourishing program. Their location is gorgeous, their facilities are exceptional, and their fans are appreciative. Kentucky is faded relic. They are an embittered dinosaur whose grandest days are memories. Donovan realized this. Kentucky fans should also.

Survivor: Lisi Loses Her Mind

For reward, both teams performed a traditional Fijian dance. Ultimately, the judges ruled Ravu lacked rhythm. As remuneration, Moto enjoyed a feast. The reward challenge involved archery. The competition utilized blow darts, spears, and bows and arrows. Yau-man starred. Despite unorthodox technique, which included weaponry selection, sprinting pre-spear toss, and archery from his knees, Yau-man garnered two consecutive rounds, keying Moto’s sweep. Prior to tribal council, Lisi demanded exit. She then renounced the aforesaid. She then chastised her tribe and reinstated her petition. Obligingly, she was eliminated.

Imus Is An Insult

Don Imus: "That's some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they got tattoos."

Bernard McGurk: "Some hardcore ho’s."

Don Imus: "That's some nappy headed ho’s there, I'm going to tell you that."

Don Imus is a focalized moron. He is a putrid and pathetic man. His remarks were repugnant. Neither MSNBC nor WFAN will suspend him. However, they should.

Pariah Talks, Sailors Walk

On Wednesday, Iran released fifteen British hostages. Iran had arrested the sailors for naval trespass. According to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the British promised no recidivism. Ahmadinejad also requested no punishment for he sailor’s video taped confessions.

President Asinine, are you delusional? The British promise was false. The sailors never trespassed. Therefore, the pledge was immaterial. Additionally, the sailors will not be punished. Everyone knows their statements were coerced. President Mad Cow, please shut up. You setback Iran with every statement.

The Fab Four

On Monday, I implored their return. On Wednesday, Al Horford hinted return. On Thursday, Horford, Joakim Noah, Corey Brewer, and Taurean Green declared their NBA eligibility. The juniors depart with sixty-eight wins over two seasons, twelve consecutive NCAA tournament victories, consecutive SEC tournament championships, and consecutive NCAA tournament championships.

Each are probable first round selections. Horford and Noah are possible top ten selections. Next season, the fab four will bank millions, learn as rookies, and endure numbing travel. They will avoid persistent pressure, relentless skepticism, and arrogant doubt.

I beseeched their return. Horford, Noah, Brewer, and Green could have garnered a third championship. They could have rivaled UCLA. However, I understand their departure. They are exhausted. They have accomplished. They deserve their impending fortunes.

Summit Deserves

Pat Summitt has won her seventh championship. On Tuesday, her Tennessee Lady Volunteers defeated Rutgers 59-46. Summitt is fifty-five years old. She has averaged one championship per three seasons. The relevant questions… Will she equal John Wooden’s ten titles? Will anyone care?

Summitt has registered 947 wins. She has tallied seventeen thirty-win seasons. She has led Tennessee into thirteen final fours. These aforementioned statistics best Bobby Knight, Adolph Rupp, and Mike Krzyzewski. With that stated, women’s college basketball is frail. Parody is nonexistent. Thus, Summitt’s accomplishments are steroid subjective.

Gender is also a factor. However, gender should be irrelevant. Once, Summitt’s teams obliterated inferior competition. However, Wooden’s teams romped as well. Wooden is a legend. Summitt deserves similar recognition.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Easter… That’s the holiday where Jesus rolled the rock away, saw his shadow, and then we had six more days of Sanjaya.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Creighton’s Altman Yay!

On Wednesday, Dana Altman renounced his Arkansas decision. He reunited with Creighton. He pledged career loyalty to them. Altman’s decision is not unprecedented. Famously, Bobby Cremins spurned South Carolina for Georgia Tech. Recently, Gregg Marshall rebuffed the College of Charleston for Winthrop.

Altman’s decision is correct. Arkansas is not Florida, North Carolina, Texas, or UCLA. Arkansas is not even a shimmering second tier program. Arkansas is a posturing power and a faded relic. Arkansas does not deserve Altman. Thankfully, Altman realized this.

Bob Bolts

On Wednesday, Bob Huggins exchanged Kansas State for West Virginia. Huggins alma mater reunion is understandable. However, his timing is questionable. Given Kansas State’s commitment and recruiting class, his desertion is distressing.

We Know… It’s Only Keith Richards

Keith Richards snorted his father’s ashes?

On Tuesday, he asserted this. On Wednesday, he recanted. On Thursday, Disney dismissed him as a “Pirates of the Caribean” spokesman. Would it be enough for Keith to shut up? Would that cause him pain? Fry his brain?

An Election Will Be Held

Since 2006, Senator Hillary Clinton has been the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee. This quarter, Clinton raised $26 million. Senator Barack Obama raised $25 million. America, we have a primary.

American Idol: Rocker Out

Gina Glocksen has been eliminated. I missed the Tony Bennett inspired performances. Technical difficulties were the culprit. From my research, I have ascertained Gina’s performance was questionable. Thus, America’s decision was correct. When the choice is satisfactory singing and shocking appearance versus marginal singing and gorgeous appearance, choose she who possesses saleable assets.

Public Injury, Private Dignity

Darryl Stingley
(1951-2007)

Edwards Receives Welcome News

On Wednesday, Elizabeth Edwards announced her cancer is treatable via anti-estrogen drugs. The aforesaid is fantastic. Elizabeth retains our thoughts and prayers.

Draft Novice

According to the NFL Network, the New York Jets and Larry David met and discussed draft prospects. David created both “Seinfeld” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Are the Jets delusional?

Handicapping the Masters

Tigers Woods: 2-1

Phil Mickelson: 2.5-1

Ernie Els: 5-1

Vijay Singh: 6-1

Charles Howell III: 9-1

Retief Goosen: 10-1

Rory Sabbatini: 20-1

Trevor Immelman: 30-1

David Toms: 35-1

Mike Weir: 40-1

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Today, Rudi Giuliani lashed out at the media. He said they should leave his wife alone. The media responded, alright, which one?”

The Tonight Show

Coach Rob

Eddie Robinson
(1919-2007)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“You hear about the man, who was pulled over for speeding and claimed he was Dick Cheney? They took this man to the hospital. Obviously, he has mental problems. Not even Dick Cheney is claiming to be Dick Cheney right now.”

The Tonight Show

Championship Tuesday Selection

Worth Every Word

They are amazing. I could pen one thousand words concerning their brilliance. Instead, I will abbreviate my admiration. Gushing is unnecessary. The Florida Gators are national champions. They reside within Duke’s 1991-1992 realm. They were a conceivably dominant team. They were expected winners. They repeated their championship.

Their means varied. They won via Joakim Noah and Al Horford’s punishing inside presence. They won via Taurean Green’s speed and slicing grace. They won via Lee Humphrey and Corey Brewer’s distance scoring. They simply won…. Twelve consecutive NCAA tournament contests, consecutive SEC tournament championships, consecutive NCAA tournament championships… sixty-eight games over two seasons.

They have surpassed UNLV’s supremacy. They have equaled Duke’s triumph. No university has garnered three successive titles since UCLA (1967-1972). Brewer, Green, Noah, and Horford are juniors. I implore them… Young men, return and challenge history.

Championship Monday Selection

Failure Is An Option

The debatable storylines… Will Florida win consecutive national championships? Will Ben Howland restore UCLA’s luster? Will John Thompson III equal his father? Who garners the glamour pivot clash? Georgetown’s Roy Hibbert or Ohio State’s Greg Oden? Excitement is this Final Four.

Graduation rates are not passionate. They are black and white barriers. They delineate those who embrace and forsake education. They are unspoken and unpleasant. They condemn coaches, stigmatize institutions, and stereotype combatants. Graduation rates quantify failure. Who desires thought concerning them?

Tonight, basketball is our focus. We will discuss a player’s major or academic prowess when they are noted. However, cheering and tactical conversations will dominate this evening. Reality should intercede. The male basketball graduation rate is fifty-one percent. As we observe those scoring and defending, ponder the aforesaid. Will the triple draining guard or dominating center fail to graduate?

Now, I am not Murray Sperber. Ohio State and USC are football foundations. North Carolina and UCLA are basketball academies. No network or person observes their English or Natural Sciences departments. I also concur with Program coach James Caan. If these are academic driven institutions, when was the last time eighty thousand people showed up to watch a kid do a darn chemistry experiment? Academics are essential. Athletics are visible. If the reverse were true, this discussion would be moot.

The truth? Both classroom and court aptitude matter. Each will dictate one’s primary path. Only the former will dictate one’s overall path. Twenty subsequent Final Fours, who will struggle with life? The triple draining guard or the dominating center? Sans education… both.

Major League Baseball Predictions

American League

Eastern Division
1. New York Yankees (102-60)
2. Boston Red Sox (91-71)
3. Toronto Blue Jays (89-73)
4. Baltimore Orioles (75-87)
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays (66-96)

Central Division
1. Detroit Tigers (94-68)
2. Cleveland Indians (92-70)
3. Minnesota Twins (89-73)
4. Chicago White Sox (86-76)
5. Kansas City Royals (69-93)

Western Division
1. Oakland Athletics (89-73)
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (82-80)
3. Seattle Mariners (73-89)
4. Texas Rangers (67-95)

National League

Eastern Division
1. New York Mets (104-58)
2. Philadelphia Phillies (99-63)
3. Atlanta Braves (89-73)
4. Florida Marlins (79-83)
5. Washington Nationals (71-91)

Central Division
1. St. Louis Cardinals (84-78)
2. Houston Astros (82-80)
3. Chicago Cubs (81-81)
4. Cincinnati Reds (80-82)
5. Milwaukee Brewers (74-88)
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (61-101)

Western Division
1. Los Angeles Dodgers (85-77)
2. San Diego Padres (83-79)
3. San Francisco Giants (79-83)
4. Colorado Rockies (69-93)

League Division Series

American League

New York Yankees defeat Cleveland Indians 3-1
Detroit Tigers defeat Oakland Athletics 3-0

National League

New York Mets defeat Philadelphia Phillies 3-2
Los Angeles Dodgers defeat St. Louis Cardinals 3-1

League Championship Series

American League

Detroit Tigers defeat New York Yankees 4-3

National League

New York Mets defeat Los Angeles Dodgers 4-0

World Series

New York Mets defeat Detroit Tigers 4-3