Saturday, November 01, 2008

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 3-2 Season: 27-18)

West Virginia (-4) at Connecticut
The Huskies are 6-2. The Mountaineers are 5-2. Preseason, West Virginia’s expectations were higher.

Florida State (+2) at Georgia Tech
Simply stated, Bobby Bowden wins these contests.

Florida at Georgia (+6 ½)
For three quarters, they will skirmish. In the fourth quarter, Florida will survive.

Nebraska at Oklahoma (-21)
Both possess spectacular offenses. With that stated, Oklahoma will win.

Texas at Texas Tech (+3)
Graham Harrell versus Colt McCoy. Both amass three hundred and fifty yards. Both toss four touchdowns. However, Texas Tech wins the contest.

Senator Porky: That’s Not All, Folks

As previously stated, Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) epitomizes corruption. He is a charlatan. He is a swindler. As Senate Appropriations Committee chairman, he could have constrained spending and solved entitlements. Instead, he exploded spending.

On Monday, Stevens was convicted of concealing gifts. VECO Corporation renovated his house. They renovated sans payment. “I am obviously disappointed in the verdict but not surprised given the repeated instances of prosecutorial misconduct in this case,” said Stevens. “Exculpatory evidence was hidden from my lawyers. A witness was kept from us and then sent back to Alaska. The government lawyers allowed evidence to be introduced that they knew was false. I will fight this unjust verdict with every ounce of energy I have.”

“I am innocent,” he continued. “This verdict is the result of the unconscionable manner in which the Justice Department lawyers conducted this trial. I ask that Alaskans and my Senate colleagues stand with me as I pursue my rights. I remain a candidate for the United States Senate. I will come home on Wednesday and ask for your vote. There's not a black mark by my name yet, until the appeal is over and I am finally convicted, if that happens. If that happens, of course I'll do what's right for Alaska and for the Senate ... I don't anticipate it happening, and until it happens I do not have a black mark.”

Alaska is an oxymoron. They are an important and irrelevant state. Their population is assorted and similar. Stevens symbolizes this. He is a powerful pariah.

Friday, October 31, 2008

NFL Confirms Chiefs: Johnson Suspended

On Friday, Larry Johnson was suspended for one contest. Ordinarily, I would excoriate an insufficient punishment. However, Johnson is inactive. Internal and institutional reprimands are identical.

Consumers Suffer, Investors Sunbathe

Bill Richardson Redefines “Middle Class”

Shrinking the Brewers

On Thursday, the Milwaukee Brewers hired Ken Macha. “The job of the manager is really not to be buddies with all the players,” said Macha. “You have to make very difficult decisions over the course of the year. Sometimes players get a little personal and think it's personal. It really isn't.”

During his career, Macha has amassed a 368-280 record. He has accrued two division championships. “The four years in Oakland I learned a tremendous amount of baseball, don't get me wrong,” said Macha. “I can be nothing but a better manager now that I come here to Milwaukee.”

This offseason, C.C. Sabathia and Ben Sheets may exit. Given the aforesaid, General Manager Doug Melvin’s strategy is simple. Diminish expectations. “I have no idea what this team is going to look like in January,” he said. “He can't be judged on what we've done in the past because the team's going to be different, he's got to be judged on the team that's been given to him.”

Lakers Ink Potential

On Thursday, the Los Angeles Lakers retained center Andrew Bynum. Bynum signed a 4-year, $58 million contract. “This has been a fantastic week for me so far: turning 21, winning our first two games of the season, and now getting this new contract signed,” he said. “This gives me and my family financial security, and more importantly, cements my future with the Lakers, which in my opinion is the best organization in all of professional sports. I couldn't be happier.”

During his career, Bynum has registered 7.2 points and 5.6 rebounds per contest. In 2007-2008, he tallied 13.1 points and 10.2 rebounds per contest. “We're extremely happy to have signed Andrew to this extension, which will secure his immediate future with the franchise,” said General Manager Mitch Kupchak. “Andrew has shown a vast array of skills for a player his size and if he continues to stay dedicated and work hard to improve, he has an excellent chance to develop into one of the top players in the NBA.”

Twenty months ago, the New Jersey Nets proposed an exchange. Jason Kidd for Bynum. Obviously, Bynum has improved. However, this payday is obscene.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Sign of the times… I took my son to the Haunted House… It was in foreclosure.”

Late Show with David Letterman

“It's About Those Who Shed Those Other Tears… Laugh That Other Laugh”

Studs Terkel
(1912-2008)

Survivor: Shocking Twist Eliminates Two

On Thursday, Fang and Kota endured tribal council. Via a 3-2 vote, Fang eliminated Ace. Via a 4-3 vote, Kota eliminated Dan.

Worth A Read

Krazy Katz Costumes

Featuring Halloween ideas and tips.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Joaquin Phoenix?

Monday Night Football will interview John McCain and Barack Obama. Obama is upset. For the second half, he offered $2 million.

Today’s top five or Decision 2008’s memories (1) Barack Obama’s nomination acceptance, (2) Hillary Clinton’s cry, (3) Barack Obama’s South Carolina acceptance, (4) Sarah Palin’s nomination acceptance, (5) Mike Huckabee

Once Again, Pakistan in Peril

On Wednesday, Pakistan endured an earthquake. Currently, 215 are dead. The victim’s families have our thoughts and prayers.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“John McCain was on “Larry King” last night. It was kind of awkward at one point: Larry had to tell John McCain that 72 percent of his ex-wives were for Obama.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Market Insensitivity

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the Los Angeles Times?

On Wednesday, President Clinton labeled Barack Obama “America’s future.” Obama responded, “Thank You, Primary Loser’s Husband.”

Today’s top five or Philadelphia’s finest (1) Mike Schmidt, (2) Charles Barkley, (3) Randall Cunningham, (4) Rocky, (5) Ed Rendell

Race For Philanthropy?

Lance Armstrong: “What happened from 1992 to 2005 is done. I'm not trying to rewrite it at all. This feels like a whole other career to me. And this is not all about winning another Tour de France. Could I do it? Would I like to do it? Maybe yes, maybe no.”

“If you win an eighth Tour and have the Livestrong International Summit in Paris and nobody shows up and no commitments are made and we don't effect change in terms of the global burden, then I've wasted everybody's time. However, if you don't do the Tour, or you do the Tour and you get fourth, and the summit is a smashing success and people participate, and world leaders make commitments that really go towards advancing this issue, then that's a success. This has nothing to do with trying to address August of 2005.”

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“They’re saying there’s some friction between John McCain and Sarah Palin. They say that recently, on a campaign bus trip, John McCain actually snubbed Sarah Palin. To be fair, she was busy on the bus trip. She was shooting squirrels out the window.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Willie Horton Attack, Michael Dukakis Response

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

NEW RULE

Costumes require commonsense.

On Friday, everyone should enjoy. Everyone should think. Hatred, homophobia, prejudice, racism, sexism, and stereotypes are unacceptable.

Worth A Read

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Ted Cottrell?

According to Judge Edmund Sargus, Ohio voters may utilize park bench addresses. Thank goodness. I can register.

Today’s top five or Gossip Girl’s finest (1) Chuck Bass, (2) Blair Waldorf, (3) Serena van der Woodsen, (4) Nate Archibald, (5) Jenny Humphrey

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

FBI Thwarts “Assassination Threat”

Last week, the FBI arrested twenty year-old Daniel Cowart and eighteen year-old Paul Schlesselman. Cowart and Schlesselman’s intentions? Assassinate Senator Barack Obama. Murder African-American teenagers.

Obviously, this plot was pathetic. Assassination theorists should shut up. For two terms, Al Qaeda has targeted President Bush. If terrorists cannot succeed, illiterate white supremacists will not succeed.

Obama Discusses Redistribution

Senator Barack Obama: “The Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth and sort of basic issues of political and economic justice in this society, and to that extent as radical as people try to characterize the Warren Court, it wasn't that radical. It didn't break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution, at least as it has been interpreted.”

“And the Warren court interpreted it generally in the same way -- that the Constitution is a document of negative liberties, says what the states can't do to you, says what the federal government can't do to you, but it doesn't say what the federal government or state government must do on your behalf, and that hasn't shifted. And I think one of the tragedies of the civil rights movement was that the civil rights movement became so court-focused, I think there was a tendency to lose track of the political and organizing activities on the ground that are able to bring about the coalitions of power through which you bring about redistributive change, and in some ways we still suffer from that.”

Olson Suffered A Stroke

According to Dr. Steven Knope, Lute Olson suffered a stroke. For eleven months, Arizona endured embarrassment and innuendo. Olson could have squelched every word. His secrecy was unacceptable.

Dow Costanza

On Monday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 203.18 points. On Tuesday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average soared 889.35 points. If you have an investment strategy, take and toss into the sky.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Researchers said they have found a way for a woman to have an orgasm in three minutes. Men said get that down to a minute and a half, we can have one together.”

The Tonight Show

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Drew Brees (QB – Saints): 30/41, 339 yards, 3 td
(Win: 37-32 vs. Chargers)

Ted Ginn (WR – Dolphins): 7 receptions, 175 yards
(Win: 25-16 vs. Bills)

Steve Smith (WR – Panthers): 5 receptions, 117 yards, 2 td
(Win: 27-23 vs. Cardinals)

Brian Westbrook (RB – Eagles): 22 carries, 167 yards, 2 td
(Win: 27-14 vs. Falcons)

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition)

Donald Brown (RB – Connecticut): 29 carries, 150 yards, 2 td
(Win: 40-16 vs. Cincinnati)

Noel Devine (RB – West Virginia): 17 carries, 207 yards, 1 td
(Win: 34-17 vs. Auburn)

Tandon Doss (WR – Indiana): 8 receptions, 107 yards, 1 td
(Win: 21-19 vs. Northwestern)

Graham Harrell (QB – Texas Tech): 34/42, 386 yards, 5 td
(Win: 63-21 at Kansas)

Scott Long (WR – Louisville): 5 receptions, 134 yards, 2 td
(Win: 24-20 vs. South Florida)

Colt McCoy (QB – Texas): 38/45, 391 yards, 2 td
(Win: 28-24 vs. Oklahoma State)

Knowshon Moreno (RB – Georgia): 21 carries, 163 yards, 1 td
(Win: 52-38 at LSU)

Hakeem Nicks (WR – North Carolina): 8 receptions, 139 yards, 3 td
(Win: 45-24 vs. Boston College)

Cedric Peerman (RB – Virginia): 25 carries, 118 yards, 1 td
(Win: 24-17 at Georgia Tech)

Jordan Shipley (WR – Texas): 15 receptions, 168 yards, 1 td
(Win: 28-24 vs. Oklahoma State)

Mike Teel (QB – Rutgers): 14/21, 361 yards, 6 td
(Win: 54-34 at Pittsburgh)

Mike Wallace (WR – Mississippi): 5 receptions, 120 yards, 1 td
(Win: 23-21 at Arkansas)

Solution Defense

On Tuesday, the San Diego Chargers fired Defensive Coordinator Ted Cottrell. San Diego’s decision is correct. Currently, the Chargers are 3-5. They surrender 24.9 points and 372 yards per contest. Alteration was required.

Joe the Plumber Pukes Upon Himself

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Hillary Clinton turned 61 yesterday. Hillary and Bill shared a quiet birthday dinner, followed by a quiet breakfast, followed by a quiet lunch, followed by another quiet dinner . . .”

Late Show with David Letterman

Wild Comedy: Arizona Appoints Unknown

On Monday, Arizona hired Coach Russ Pennell. “I may not be a household name, but I've been around this game 47 years and nine months,” said Pennell. “You've got a group of kids sitting downstairs that have been rocked to the core, which shows their great love and admiration for the man they came here to play for, coach Olson. But I also know from talking to those kids today that they're competitors, that they're Wildcats, that they want to carry on the great tradition that the University of Arizona has enjoyed over the last couple of years.”

Pennell’s assessment is accurate. In 2007-2008, Arizona endured embarrassment and innuendo. They needed stabilization. Instead, they substituted a joke.

NEW RULE

Surnames are inconsequential.

On Monday, the New York Knicks released Patrick Ewing Jr. How? His father was an icon. How is Tim McGraw a singer? How is Kellen Winslow Jr. an asshole? Ewing Jr. was an average collegian. He is not a professional. Name affords opportunity, prominence, and respect. The talent is optional.

The Daily Smak

Hey, weren’t you Senator Ted Stevens?

The San Francisco 49ers are imploding. Last week, Mike Nolan was fired. On Monday, Shaun Hill was chosen quarterback. How serious is the situation? Potential Vice President of Football Operations Condoleezza Rice…

Today's top five or NBA's finest (1) Los Angeles Lakers, (2) Boston Celtics, (3) San Antonio Spurs, (4) Denver Nuggets, (5) Detroit Pistons

Monday, October 27, 2008

National Basketball Association Predictions

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division

1. Boston Celtics (48-34)
2. Toronto Raptors (44-38)
3. Philadelphia 76ers (42-40)
4. New Jersey Nets (38-44)
5. New York Knicks (35-47)

Central Division
1. Detroit Pistons (54-28)
2. Cleveland Cavaliers (49-33)
3. Milwaukee Bucks (47-35)
4. Chicago Bulls (38-44)
5. Indiana Pacers (31-51)

Southeast Division
1.
Orlando Magic (50-32)
2. Washington Wizards (46-36)
3. Charlotte Bobcats (43-39)
4. Miami Heat (40-42)
5. Atlanta Hawks (35-47)

Western Conference

Northwest Division
1.
Denver Nuggets (55-27)
2. Utah Jazz (46-36)
3. Portland Trailblazers (43-39)
4. Oklahoma City Thunder (35-47)
5. Minnesota Timberwolves (29-53)

Pacific Division
1.
Los Angeles Lakers (56-26)
2. Los Angeles Clippers (50-32)
3. Phoenix Suns (48-34)
4. Golden State Warriors (45-37)
5. Sacramento Kings (37-45)

Southwest Division
1.
San Antonio Spurs (53-29)
2. New Orleans Hornets (52-30)
3. Houston Rockets (48-34)
4. Dallas Mavericks (44-38)
5. Memphis Grizzlies (36-46)

Eastern Conference

First Round

(1) Detroit Pistons defeats (8) Charlotte Bobcats 4-2
(2) Orlando Magic defeats (7) Toronto Raptors 4-2
(3) Boston Celtics defeats (6) Washington Wizards 4-2
(4) Cleveland Cavaliers defeats (5) Milwaukee Bucks 4-3

Conference Semi-Finals
(1) Detroit Pistons defeats (4) Cleveland Cavaliers 4-3
(3) Boston Celtics defeats (2) Orlando Magic 4-3

Conference Finals
(3) Boston Celtics defeats (1) Detroit Pistons 4-3

Western Conference

First Round

(1) Los Angeles Lakers defeats (8) Utah Jazz 4-0
(2) Denver Nuggets defeats (7) Phoenix Suns 4-2
(3) San Antonio Spurs defeats (6) Houston Rockets 4-1
(4) New Orleans Hornets defeats (5) Los Angeles Clippers 4-3

Conference Semi-Finals
(1) Los Angeles Lakers defeats (4) New Orleans Hornets 4-3
(2) Denver Nuggets defeats (3) San Antonio Spurs 4-3

Conference Finals
(1) Los Angeles Lakers defeats (2) Denver Nuggets 4-3

NBA Finals
(3) Boston Celtics defeats (1) Los Angeles Lakers 4-2

NEW RULE

Adjectives are creative.

Jerry Lewis:
“Oh, cricket? It's a fagot game. What are you, nuts?”

Lewis’ slur was offensive, repugnant, and vile. His slur was also irrelevant. In America, homophobia occurs everyday. Adjective assault is never noticed.

Adjectives are imperative. Adjectives exhibit anger, intelligence, scorn, and wit. They elevate our conversations. They enliven our situations. He is puerile. She is spectacular. Homophobia is abhorrent. Lewis is asinine. Utilizing a slur screams stupidity. Utilizing appropriate adjectives screams thesaurus.

Worth A Read

Draft Joe Wurzelbacher

Their objective? Congressman Joe the Plumber.

The Daily Smak

According to Fox News, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is exhausted. Given this, his campaign has conceded Maine, Michigan, and Wisconsin.

On Saturday, Crystal Cathedral Founder Robert H. Schuller fired Robert A. Schuller. Yes, father fired son. The son’s response? Laguna Beach: The Real Crystal Cathedral.

Today's top five or potential World Series Most Valuable Players (1) Chase Utley, (2) Cole Hamels, (3) Ryan Howard, (4) Jayson Werth, (5) Jimmy Rollins

Sunday, October 26, 2008

BCS: Texas, Alabama, Penn State Remain Static

1. Texas (8-0)
2. Alabama (8-0)
3. Penn State (9-0)
4. Oklahoma (7-1)
5. USC (6-1)
6. Georgia (7-1)
7. Texas Tech (8-0)
8. Florida (6-1)
9. Oklahoma State (7-1)
10. Utah (8-0)

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Fox News: Trader Relocation

Bankers and brokers looking to escape the financial meltdown are scrambling to relocate their families, possessions and rarified talent far from Wall Street to places such as Florida, Chicago, Milwaukee, Virginia and Asia.

Travis Lacey left investment bank Jeffries & Co. and Wall Street behind in September to work for Baird in Chicago. He also left behind the nagging sense of worry that had plagued him since his company had started announcing layoffs earlier in the year. "Anyone in that environment, you never know what's going to happen," Lacey said. "There are a lot of good bankers that unfortunately are at the wrong place at the wrong time, especially in New York."

Corporate headhunters say Wall Street's malaise will lead to a permanent talent loss for New York. It could help small boutique firms become bigger players with employees they would never have been able to lure from the city long-regarded as the world's financial capital. "We're definitely hiring," said Robert Escobio, chief executive officer of Coral Gables, Fla.-based Southern Trust Securities Inc., a broker-dealer and investment banking firm. "Right now we have the capital, and right now we're looking to expand. And I think that's what a lot of boutiques are looking to do, too."

Escobio said in the past few months, one out of every four or five resumes comes from top Wall Street firms — compared with about one out of 100 in years past. Former Wall Streeters also tend to bring clients with larger net worth — another potential long-term blow to firms trying to recover from the meltdown — so boutiques and middle market firms stand to reap the profits. In turn they deliver something that's currently elusive on Wall Street: stability. Jobs in the financial sector can pay anywhere from $100,000 to well into the seven-figure range depending on location, experience and the size of a firm, said Kimberly Bishop, vice chairman of Slayton Search partners, a Chicago-based headhunting firm. "There's some talent available to some companies that wasn't available before," she said.

Wall Street workers who are thinking about relocating need to be flexible about income, Bishop said. Some junior Wall Street workers may be able to get more senior positions in smaller firms, getting comparable or better pay. But many more will make less while benefiting from a cheaper cost of living outside of New York City. "They are going to make less, most of them," said Kurt Kraeger, the managing director of the New York Office of Robert Walters headhunting firm. "Even before this (economic downturn), the same type of positions overseas, let's say, did pay about 20 percent less than you would make here ... the people who go to smaller firms, often times the bonuses are smaller."

New York is the top paying state for personal financial advisers, with an average salary of $131,660, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics. Colorado followed, paying an average of $119,590, then Massachusetts, with an average pay of $116,170, according to the 2007 occupational employment survey. Idaho was the lowest paying state for financial advisers, paying an average of $50,980. West Virginia, North Dakota, Alaska, Nebraska and Kentucky all follow, paying an average below $60,000 a year for the same job.

Middle market and boutique firms are also appealing because they offer increased job responsibility and freedom, said Peter Kies, a managing director at Robert W. Baird, a Milwaukee-based middle market firm. "As every round of cuts occurred, we got an increasing flow of resumes," Kies said. "You can have a Wall Street kind of experience and live in Richmond, Milwaukee or Chicago."

Baird has seen roughly 50 percent more applications from Wall Street than they received last year, he said. European and Asian banks are also seeing the abundance of workers as an opportunity to strengthen their position in the U.S. market. "I'm noticing that people are willing to work places that they would have hung up on me if I had suggested it a year ago," Kraeger said of his headhunting work.

More bankers are willing to go to Asia than ever before because it is still viewed as an emerging market, said James Constable, owner of Albany Beck Consulting, an English headhunting firm that places financial workers in jobs from London to Singapore. "Banks (in New York and London) are not looking to add to their work force in the short term," Constable said in an e-mail interview. "This means that the volume is down, so instead the banks are opting to hire one senior candidate rather than a number of more junior ones."

So far this month, Albany Beck has received 38 percent more resumes from Wall Street candidates willing to work overseas than they did in October of 2007, Constable said. New York Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli expects 40,000 Wall Street jobs could be lost by the end of the year. So far he said 13,200 people have lost jobs in New York's financial sector since a year ago.

While some boutiques and middle market firms were hit hard by the economic downturn, larger banks had bought much more of the toxic mortgage-backed assets at the heart of the meltdown. While headhunting to link new securities jobs with Wall Street casualties is one of the few growth industries these days, it's not easy, said Robin Judson, managing director of Smiths Hanley Associates LLC, a New York City hiring firm. The finance job market is flooded with highly qualified executives and bankers, but "there aren't enough jobs to go around," Judson said.

Line of the Morning


Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

“I think one of the reasons he [Colin Powell] didn't want to support Senator McCain is he was worried about the judges that would be picked, and he believes that Senator Obama has a better plan. I don't think you could really have ever been a Republican if you believe raising taxes and increasing spending at this time in our economy is a good idea.”