What’s Good For the Banks…

On Thursday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average soared 246.27 points. Banks are profitable. However, consumerism and employment remain weak. Should America hope?

Survivor: Injury Maligns Merge

On Thursday, Jalapao and Timbira merged. Injuries eliminated Joe.

Handicapping the Masters

Tigers Woods: 5-1
Padraig Harrington: 6-1
Phil Mickelson: 7-1
Zach Johnson: 8-1
Retief Goosen: 10-1
Vijay Singh: 14-1
Ernie Els: 20-1
Stuart Appelby: 30-1
Chris Dimarco: 35-1
Steve Stricker: 40-1

American Idol Scraps MacIntyre

On Wednesday, America eliminated Scott MacIntyre. Thank goodness. MacIntyre was insipid and untalented.

Connecticut Captures Six Title, Third Undefeated

In men’s basketball, Duke and North Carolina are the paradigm. North Carolina has amassed five NCAA championships and twenty-five ACC championships. Duke has amassed three NCAA championships and twenty-one ACC championships. Both observe each other’s accomplishments. In women’s basketball, Connecticut and Tennessee mirror this paradigm.

On Tuesday, the Connecticut Lady Huskies defeated the Louisville Lady Cardinals 76-54. Connecticut amassed their sixth national championship and third undefeated season. Conversely, Tennessee has amassed eight national championships and only one undefeated season.

For Pat Summitt, I typed “gender should be irrelevant.” Geno Auriemma merits similar respect. During his career, Auriemma has accrued a 687-122 record. He has garnered eighteen conference championships. Summitt has garnered thirteen conference championships.

Sooner’s Choice is Obvious, Oblivious

On Tuesday, Blake Griffin declared his NBA eligibility. Griffin is the probable first selection. “This is the right decision. In my mind, it's a no-brainer,” said Oklahoma Coach Jeff Capel. “It wasn't a decision to really debate because it's the right one, and it's the best thing for Blake.”

Last season, Griffin averaged 22.7 points and 14.4 rebounds per contest. He racked fourteen twenty-five plus point contests. He registered nineteen fifteen-plus rebound contests. In the NCAA Tournament, Griffin averaged 28.5 points and 15.0 rebounds per contest. “I felt in my mind from the time that I actually thought about it that this would be the right decision,” he said. “I remember talking to Coach Capel last year after I made my decision of coming back and he said I had the chance to be in this position and I should take it.”

Simply stated, Griffin’s potential is indefinable. He is not Patrick Ewing. He is not Shaquille O'Neal. He is simply a mediocre classes’ cornerstone.

Custodial Bengals?

On Tuesday, the Cincinnati Bengals signed Tank Johnson. Cincinnati’s decision is execrable. Once again, they offended their fans. They tarnished their franchise.

American Idol Live Blog

Danny Gokey (28 – Missouri)

His commencement is ridiculous. His facial expressions are bizarre. His emotion is cheesy and contrived. Why is still he competing? America, I implore you… Eliminate the geek.

Kris Allen (23 – Arkansas)

Ricky Ricardo phoned. He requested his club. The video was charming. The song selection was intriguing. The performance was apocryphal. “All She Wants to Do is Dance” is energetic. The song is not jazz. The song needs zero reinterpretation. He missed an opportunity. Randy, Simon, and I concur. Self-indulgent is correct.

Lil Rounds (23 – Tennessee)

Her appearance is exquisite. The background is perfect. Her commencement is slightly stale. However, she improves. She does not oversing. She does not reinterpret the selection. Her emotion translates. She was not stellar. With that stated, she will advance.

Anoop Desai (21 – North Carolina)

North Carolina wins national championship. Can he win American Idol? His appearance is wretched. I believe his sweater was my rug. His commencement is adequate. His emotion is unnoticeable. His transition is weak. He is stale and struggling. The vocal is insipid. He may advance. However, his position is precarious.

Scott MacIntyre (23 – Arizona)

His commencement is adequate. He is not interesting. Unfortunately, he is insipid. He is simply still competitive. This annoys me. His conclusion is satisfactory. He should advance. However, his performance was unmemorable.

Allison Iraheta (16 – California)

Once again, her appearance is horrific. If she died her hair, Mi might alter my opinion. If she sacrificed ten pounds, I might alter my opinion. Unfortunately, she remains pudgy and scary. Her performance is sufficient. Her dramatic pause is unnecessary. Her emotion is contrived. However, she should advance.

Matt Giraud (23 – Michigan)

His commencement is perfect. His appearance and background clash. The rat pat fedora and disco lighting? Seriously? His performance improves throughout. He confidence increases. He exudes passion and emotion. Outstanding performance.

Adam Lambert (26 – California)

Not another David Cook. His appearance and background are creepy. The blue lighting. The miniscule visibility… Is he singing or stalking? His performance is superb. Vocally, he is spectacular. Criminally, I am reporting him.

Spectacular Ensemble Seizes Crown

Upon any given day, any given squad can win. This maxim is ridiculous. When superior ensembles crave victory, circumstances and opposition are irrelevant.

On Monday, the North Carolina Tar Heels defeated the Michigan State Spartans 89-72. With their victory, the Tar Heels garnered their fifth national championship. Wayne Ellington, Danny Green, Tyler Hansbrough, and Ty Lawson scored their presumed title.

In the NCAA Tournament, North Carolina was spectacular. They scored 87.8 points per contest. They surrendered 67.7 points per contest. Michigan State was an emotional preference. They were not estimable opposition. North Carolina’s superior ensemble craved victory.

Who’s Our Coach?

On Monday, Arizona hired Xavier Coach Sean Miller. Memphis hired Coach Josh Pastner. Washington State hired Portland State Coach Ken Bone. Arizona, Memphis, and Washington State are premiere programs. They should have hired premiere coaches.

Adieu, Garcia

On Monday, the Oakland Raiders signed Jeff Garcia. Officially, Garcia’s career has concluded. He has entered the gridiron’s graveyard.

Major League Baseball Predictions

American League

Eastern Division
1. Boston Red Sox (94-68)
2. Tampa Bay Rays (92-70)
3. New York Yankees (86-76)
4. Toronto Blue Jays (85-77)
5. Baltimore Orioles (72-90)

Central Division
1. Cleveland Indians (89-73)
2. Minnesota Twins (88-74)
3. Chicago White Sox (86-76)
4. Detroit Tigers (75-82)
5. Kansas City Royals (63-99)

Western Division
1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (88-74)
2. Seattle Mariners (85-77)
3. Oakland Athletics (83-79)
4. Texas Rangers (79-83)

National League

Eastern Division
1. New York Mets (106-56)
2. Philadelphia Phillies (95-67)
3. Atlanta Braves (94-68)
4. Florida Marlins (91-71)
5. Washington Nationals (75-87)

Central Division
1. Chicago Cubs (88-74)
2. St. Louis Cardinals (83-79)
3. Houston Astros (80-82)
4. Cincinnati Reds (76-86)
5. Milwaukee Brewers (72-90)
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (57-105)

Western Division
1. Los Angeles Dodgers (96-66)
2. San Diego Padres (89-73)
3. Colorado Rockies (85-77)
4. San Francisco Giants (62-100)

League Division Series

American League

Boson Red Sox defeat Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 3-1
Tampa Bay Rays defeat Cleveland Indians 3-2

National League

New York Mets defeat Chicago Cubs 3-0
Los Angeles Dodgers defeat Philadelphia Phillies 3-2

League Championship Series

American League

Boson Red Sox defeat Tampa Bay Rays 4-3

National League

New York Mets defeat Los Angeles Dodgers 4-2

World Series

New York Mets defeat Boson Red Sox 4-2

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Line of the Morning

General Motors CEO Fritz Henderson

“One of the saddest days of my career was when we needed to borrow money from the U.S. taxpayer. And I'm quite convinced that one of the happiest days of my career is when we repay it.”