Saturday, April 14, 2007

Durant: Innocence Lost

Kevin Durant possesses exceptional talent. During his phenomenal freshman campaign, he accomplished all. He garnered both the Naismith and Wooden awards. He earned the Adolph Rupp and Oscar Robertson Trophies. He was named the Associated Press and National Association of Basketball Coaches Player of the Year. He also registered a 3.5 grade point average. Despite assumptions, Durant’s decision was a decision.

On Tuesday, Durant declared his NBA eligibility. Assuming Greg Oden’s presence, Durant is the probable second selection. Sans Oden, Durant will be chosen first. According to the prospect, the aforementioned is trivial. "I know I'll be one of the higher picks. It doesn't really matter if I go one or two as long as I go," Durant said.

Last season, Durant averaged 25.8 points and 11.1 rebounds per contest. He tallied thirty plus points in eleven endeavors. He netted twenty plus points in nineteen clashes. He notched thirty-seven points on four occasions. He also registered ten double-doubles.

Previously, Durant’s quandary was nonexistent. Given his talent, college would have been ignored. However, the nineteen rule exists. Durant’s conflict was intriguing. Marring his face were professional expectations and the disappointment of youth sacrificed.

Montgomery: Window Dressed Career

Tim Montgomery held a world record. He won a gold medal. He was a track idol and an African-American hero. His wife was Marion Jones. Sadly, Montgomery discarded everything.

In 2005, drug allegations precipitated a two-year suspension. They also voided Montgomery’s record. On Monday, Montgomery plead guilty in a bank fraud and money-laundering scheme. He faces between thirty-seven and forty-six months in prison.

Roughly, 800,000 African-American men are incarcerated. Following his sentencing, Montgomery will join them. The aforesaid is ordinarily unfortunate.

These Days…

On Thursday, Iraq’s fortified green zone was attacked. A suicide bomber killed eight, including an Iraqi legislator. I believe in this mission. However, this event was extremely disheartening.

Industrial Liar

On Monday, Iran announced elevation of their nuclear program. According to Iran, their program has achieved the “industrial stage.” On the international community’s behalf, President Ahmadinejad, I am calling bullshit.

Survivor: Twists Terminate Michelle

Initially, both Moto and Ravu were directed toward Exile Island. Upon their arrival, they were merged and redirected toward Moto’s camp. Unfortunately, Moto’s accrued luxuries were removed. The camp was barren. Prior to the immunity challenge, the ten combatants were divided. Boo, Casandra, Earl, Edgardo, and Yau-man solved a puzzle and garnered exemption. Alex, Dre, Michelle, Mookie, and Stacy garnered an immediate tribal council. Sans strategizing, Michelle was eliminated via a 3-2 vote.

Shut-Up Scott

Scott Boras: “Barry better be unanimous, 100 percent, first ballot. If the Hall of Fame is what it stands for, how can the greatest player ever to play the game not be a unanimous selection? Baseball fans around the world owe Barry Bonds a debt of gratitude for being lucky enough to watch him. They should feel fortunate that they'll have the opportunity to see him break probably the most hallowed record in sports. I've heard that fans either love him or hate him, but even the fans that hate him don't get out of their seats when he's at bat. They don't go out and buy a hot dog and a beer when Barry's hitting. If they're watching the Giants on TV when Barry comes up, they don't switch the station. So I think those fans might be a little hypocritical. Love him or hate him, you're still going to watch him play. Barry has been unfairly portrayed as being the poster boy for the steroid era. The game has cheated Barry. Barry has not cheated the game.”

Scott Boras is an ass. Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, and Willie Mays were not selected unanimously. Thus, Barry Bonds will not be unanimous. Additionally, Barry has been unfairly portrayed? Baseball fans owe Barry Bonds a debt of gratitude? These statements are ridiculous.

Brilliance Requiring Silence?

On Wednesday, Tom Glavine proposed contraction. Instead of 162 contests, Glavine suggested 150. He also recommended a player’s salary reduction (five percent) as owner’s compensation.

Glavine’s idea is brilliant. Obviously, Major League Baseball will ignore Glavine.

Birkhead Wins Dannielynn

On Tuesday, DNA decided Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern’s father. Photographer Larry Birkhead won. America, our protracted national nightmare has concluded. Can we cease discussing this disaster?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Punch Dopes

On Tuesday, ESPN debuted “The Contender Challenge: UK vs. USA.” ESPN, concede defeat. NBC cancelled this series. No one is watching your version.

I Cannot Disagree

From the Loft:

America’s racial “crusaders,” Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, are at it again. If there’s a racial injustice to right, they are on the scene to save the day. But… who is doing the saving, and who is doing the self-promoting? If Jackson and Sharpton really cared about ridding America of words and actions which are degrading to women, they would realize that Don Imus’s idiotic comments are small potatoes.

The other day on his radio program, talk show host Don Imus referred to the women of Rutgers University’s basketball team as “nappy-headed hos.” The comments set off a fire storm of reaction, which led Jackson and Sharpton to enter the scene.

The fact of the matter is that Imus’s comments are wrong and have no place on the airwaves. Racial slurs are not a “joke,” and Imus’s crude remarks should be rebuked. That’s why Jackson and Sharpton are stepping forward… to be the champions of racial and gender justice, right? Not so fast…

The good “reverend” Al Sharpton has a history of using racial attacks to further his cause. As noted in the 2003 column by Jeff Jacoby, in 1987 Sharpton spread a hoax that a 15-year-old black girl was “abducted, raped, and smeared with feces by a group of white men.” Sharpton singled out one particular white man, saying, “If we’re lying, sue us, so we can . . . prove you did it.” The man does sue and wins $345,000.

Jacoby also notes other incidents in his column, including:

1991: A Hasidic Jewish driver in Brooklyn’s Crown Heights section accidentally kills Gavin Cato, a 7-year-old black child, and antisemitic riots erupt. Sharpton races to pour gasoline on the fire. At Gavin’s funeral he rails against the “diamond merchants” — code for Jews — with “the blood of innocent babies” on their hands. He mobilizes hundreds of demonstrators to march through the Jewish neighborhood, chanting, “No justice, no peace.” A rabbinical student, Yankel Rosenbaum, is surrounded by a mob shouting “Kill the Jews!” and stabbed to death.

1995: When the United House of Prayer, a large black landlord in Harlem, raises the rent on Freddy’s Fashion Mart, Freddy’s white Jewish owner is forced to raise the rent on his subtenant, a black-owned music store. A landlord-tenant dispute ensues; Sharpton uses it to incite racial hatred. “We will not stand by,” he warns malignantly, “and allow them to move this brother so that some white interloper can expand his business.” Sharpton’s National Action Network sets up picket lines; customers going into Freddy’s are spat on and cursed as “traitors” and “Uncle Toms.” Some protesters shout, “Burn down the Jew store!” and simulate striking a match. “We’re going to see that this cracker suffers,” says Sharpton’s colleague Morris Powell. On Dec. 8, one of the protesters bursts into Freddy’s, shoots four employees point-blank, then sets the store on fire. Seven employees die in the inferno.


Jesse Jackson, the other “reverend,” has an equally infamous past when it comes to racial attacks, particularly against Jews. As noted in a Larry Sabato column, Jackson has had a tenuous relationship with America’s Jewish community dating back to his “Hymietown” comment:

Rev. Jesse Jackson referred to Jews as “Hymies” and to New York City as “Hymietown” in January 1984 during a conversation with a black Washington Post reporter, Milton Coleman. Jackson had assumed the references would not be printed because of his racial bond with Coleman, but several weeks later Coleman permitted the slurs to be included far down in an article by another Post reporter on Jackson’s rocky relations with American Jews.

And these two are now purporting to be the spokesmen for injustice against black women? If they truly cared about getting degrading words against women pulled off the airwaves, as they appear to want in going after Imus, they would shift their focus to the rap music industry.

As covered in Michelle Malkin’s latest column, the current rap songs at the top of the charts are littered with racial and gender slurs at least equal to Imus’s. These “songs” are played over and over and over again. They sink into the minds of young listeners everyday. What kind of culture does Sharpton and Jackson think it promotes? Treating women fairly? Treating women as equals? No… and yet Jackson and Sharpton will spend countless hours attacking a white man and ignore an entire industry that is doing so much damage to young blacks.

The media need to stop turning to the likes of Sharpton and Jackson as if they were the racial police. Stop giving them a platform, and maybe they will just go away. Their words have no meaning, and their credibility is less than zero.

Simply Ridiculous

American League Central Division Standings

Minnesota Twins (4-2)
Cleveland Indians (2-1)
Chicago White Sox (3-3)
Detroit Tigers (3-3)
Kansas City Royals (2-5)

Congratulations, Major League Baseball. Brilliant scheduling.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Its Friday the 13th and I have no idea what’s going to happen to Don Imus. On Wednesday, NBC fired him. On Thursday, CBS fired him. Today, a group of cowboys demanded he stop wearing that stupid hat.”

The Tonight Show

NHL Playoff Predictions

Eastern Conference

First Round
(1) Buffalo Sabers defeat (8) New York Islanders 4-1
(2) New Jersey Devils defeat (7) Tampa Bay Lightning 4-2
(6) New York Rangers defeat (3) Atlanta Thrashers 4-3
(4) Ottawa Senators defeat (5) Pittsburgh Penguins 4-3

Conference Semi-Finals
(1) Buffalo Sabers defeat (6) New York Rangers 4-2
(2) New Jersey Devils defeat (4) Ottawa Senators 4-1

Conference Finals
(2) New Jersey Devils defeat (1) Buffalo Sabers 4-3

Western Conference

First Round
(1) Detroit Red Wings defeat (8) Calgary Flames 4-0
(2) Anaheim Mighty Ducks defeat (7) Minnesota Wild 4-2
(3) Vancouver Canucks defeat (6) Dallas Stars 4-3
(5) San Jose Sharks defeat (4) Nashville Predators 4-3

Conference Semi-Finals
(1) Detroit Red Wings defeat (5) San Jose Sharks 4-2
(2) Anaheim Mighty Ducks defeat (3) Vancouver Canucks 4-3

Conference Finals
(1) Detroit Red Wings defeat (2) Anaheim Mighty Ducks 4-1

Stanley Cup Finals
(1) Detroit Red Wings defeat (2) New Jersey Devils 4-3

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Senator Hillary Clinton announced she will meet with the Rutgers women’s basketball team. Haven’t they suffered enough?”

The Tonight Show

February 5, 2008 (Delegates Available)

Alabama: 48 / 60
Arkansas: 34 / 47
California: 170 / 370
Delaware: 18 / 23
Florida: 114 / 210
Michigan: 61 / 128
Missouri: 58 / 72
New Mexico: 29 / 38
New York: 90 / 232
Oklahoma: 42 / 47
Texas: 140 / 228
Utah: 36 / 29

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Don still doesn’t get it. He agreed to meet the Rutgers women. You know where he wants to hold the meeting? The Cracker Barrel.”

The Tonight Show

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So It Goes

Kurt Vonnegut
(1922-2007)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Don just has a habit of saying the wrong thing. When he found out his suspension was two weeks, he said, ‘Two weeks, that was mighty white of you.’ You see, the wrong thing.”

The Tonight Show

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

American Idol Live Blog

Melinda Doolittle (29 – Tennessee)

She is “so not sexy.” She is honest. Her makeup and dress are awkward. Her performance is respectable. With that stated, I principally oppose commercial songs. Randy is correct, this performance was not her best. Simon is also correct. She was boring and lazy. Hence, her secondary career status.

LaKisha Jones (27 – Michigan)

She desired movement assistance? Jennifer, movement accentuates her fat. Her performance is apocryphal. Her appearance is also frightening. Quickly, someone remind her she is unattractive. Someone also state the obvious. This dress accentuates her flab. America, prepare for the nightmares. Paula, chocolate loves her. Food loves her. America, cannot love her. Simon and I concur, the dancing was terrible.

Chris Richardson (22 – Virginia)

Santana phoned. He demanded you cease boring his song. This attempt should not have been made. His performance was terrible. His vocals were bland. Simon, a contemporary performance? Are you stoned? The priority is not modernization. The priority is excellence. He was not.

Haley Scarnato (24 - Texas)

Her commencement is outstanding. I have been complimenting her appearance. However, this week is questionable. The shorts are not flattering. Her performance is exemplary. Simon and I agree concerning her clothing. However, we disagree concerning her singing. She is excellent. She deserves advancement.

Phil Stacey (29 – Florida)

Previously, I adored this song. His performance is appalling. His endeavor is oversung and he holds notes. This song is wonderfully sharp. I must also criticize the band. They were pathetic. They ruined the song’s murky base and staggering guitar. Simon is correct. He was boring. Additionally, his appearance mirrored Boy George.

Jordin Sparks (17 – Arizona)

Ugly Betty phoned. She requested you as a stunt double. Her performance is satisfactory. However, her dancing is dreadful. She is seeking cute and portraying catastrophe. Randy, the yo factor? Actually, the yuck factor. Simon has been chalk perfect. This performance was dull.

Blake Lewis (25 – Washington)

His performance is terrific. No one has exploded the venue. With that stated, he is amongst the upper echelon. His appearance is problematic. Plain and Frank Sinatra is not a putrid combination. Once again, Simon is correct. Outstanding song selection. Great performance.

Sanjaya Malakar (17 – Washington)

Jennifer loves Sanjaya? Everybody loves somebody… His words are incoherent. His appearance is scary. He is the creepy alley man you run from. America, I am imploring you, eliminate him. Simon is both right and wrong. His performance was incomprehensible and immature. However, Simon, his endeavor was horrible.

Monday, April 09, 2007

CHAMP!

Confidence is bold. Confidence is certitude. Confidence ignores criticism and frustrates opponents. Confidence is a silent screaming declaration. Your opinions are irrelevant. I will win. On Sunday, confidence was epitomized when Zach Johnson flipped his shades.

Johnson has conquered the Masters. Despite arduous Augusta, Johnson carded a final round three under par, sixty-nine. His total one over par bested Rory Sabatini, Retief Goosen, and Tiger Woods’ (+3). Jerry Kelly and Justin Rose (+5) finished knotted in fifth.

After opening with a bogey, Johnson scored two birdies. Unfortunately, he bogeyed hole five. Following consecutive pars, Johnson tallied another birdie. He then laced four succeeding pars. Standing three over, Johnson birdied holes thirteen and fourteen. One hole subsequent, he birdied sixteen. Despite bogeying the seventeenth, Johnson completed his round with par.

Chaos reigned. Stuart Appleby commenced Sunday leading. Following Appleby’s double bogey, Woods assumed command. Johnson then tied Woods. Johnson then bogeyed, elevating Woods.

Following an incredible eagle, Sabitini garnered the edge. However, Goosen’s birdie tied. Heartbeats later, Goosen forfeited the tie. Sabitini’s bogey then forfeited his lead. However, he reclaimed the edge on hole twelve. Following fourteen, Goosen, Sabitini, and Johnson were even. Johnson then ascended with a birdie.

Woods’ errors were incomprehensible. His anger was visible. Despite garnering the advantage, Woods never capitalized. He tallied three pars. He then relinquished his edge via bogey.

Following a final bogey, Woods was plus five. Staggered, Woods responded with an eagle. Inevitability pulsated. Unfortunately, Woods’ remained mute. Inexplicably, Woods tallied consecutive pars, missed a crucial birdie putt, and bunkered his seventeen shot.

Within sport, a difference exists between winning and losing. Woods opportunities were pronounced. However, Woods did not lose. Johnson vanquished history, pressure, and an obstinate golf course. Johnson won the Masters.

Racial Classification?

On Sunday, ESPN Sports Reporters host John Saunders eulogized Coach Eddie Robinson. On Tuesday, Pardon the Interruption co-host Mike Wilbon remembered Robinson. Obviously, Robinson was a legend. Why are white journalists not discussing his legacy?

Color is solely relevant. African-Americans chronicle African-American legacies. Caucasians chronicle Caucasian legacies. Neither race can understand their opposite. Why is this accepted?

Robinson was a defining figure. I could speak eloquently concerning him. Conversely, I trust Wilbon and Saunders eloquence concerning Bowie Kuhn. I wish our society would discontinue considering race. Regrettably, our society has not.

Captive Subjects

The British captives can sell their stories. The cost of their freedom?

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Line of the Morning


Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY)

"Nothing -- nothing -- will stand in our way of supporting the troops in every way. We will try to come up with a way, by talking with the White House, trying to compromise... that both supports the troops and yet changes the strategy in Iraq, which we feel is misguided."