Saturday, November 03, 2007

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 4-1 Season: 17-18)

Bengals (-1) at Bills
The Bengals are struggling. With that stated, they are not lifeless.

Redskins (-3 ½) at Jets
Last week, the Patriots defeated the Redskins 52-7. Versus Kellen Clemens, Washington will recover.

Browns (-2) at Seahawks
Sans Charlie Frye, the Browns are 4-2. Clearly, Derek Anderson is a star.

Patriots at Colts (+5 ½)
Suddenly, the Patriots are invincible. The Colts are irrelevant. Truthfully, an upset is obvious.

Ravens (+9) at Steelers
This season, the Ravens have underachieved. Obviously, the Steelers are superior. However, the Ravens will compete.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Dog Deserves Permanent Cage

Recently, Dog the Bounty Hunter (Duane Chapman) slurred African-Americans. During a recorded conversation, Chapman repeatedly spouted racial epithets. Chapman’s language was revolting. He cannot apologize. He knew his words. He knew their connotation. He still utilized them. Chapman is disgusting and pathetic. He warrants excoriation. He should never receive a second chance.

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 1-4 Season: 22-18)

Wisconsin (+15 ½) at Ohio State
This season, Wisconsin has collapsed. Ohio State is superior. However, they remain vulnerable.

Michigan (-4 ½) at Michigan State
Since Oregon, Michigan is 7-0. Since Notre Dame, Michigan State is 1-4. Favor the Wolverines.

LSU (-7) at Alabama
Les Miles vs. Nick Saban. Revenge or revelation? Alabama is improved. However, LSU is motivated.

Arizona State (+7 ½) at Oregon
Versus Arizona State, Oregon has scored consecutive victories. Despite Rudy Carpenter’s injury, the Devils will compete.

Florida State (+6 ½) at Boston College
Last week, Boston College struggled. This week, they will disintegrate.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“I love the New York City Marathon. It’s the only marathon where the starter’s gun receives return fire.”

Late Show with David Letterman

NEW RULE

No failure watch.

On Thursday, WABC rehired Don Imus. Presumably, Imus has not changed. Eventually, he will offend someone. With that stated, America should abstain. We should not analyze his broadcasts. We should not scrutinize his connotation. Imus was fired. He was embarrassed. Schadenfreude is distasteful. Imus’s occupation is talking. He should not examine every word. We should not make him.

Injecting History

Barry Bonds: “I don't think you can put an asterisk in the game of baseball, and I don't think that the Hall of Fame can accept an asterisk. You cannot give people the freedom, the right to alter history. You can't do it. There's no such thing as an asterisk in baseball.”

Mark Ecko cannot alter history? Why not? Bonds distorted history. The lone difference? Ecko utilized a brand. Bonds utilized a syringe.

Worth A Read

The Winger

Showcasing dancer’s lives, insights, and personalities. Both a blog and an I-Phone commercial.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be fired?

NBC’s Dotcomedy website has been axed. Why ax a website? Why not ax their sitcoms?

Within a recorded conversation, Dog the Bounty Hunter slurred African-Americans. Evidently, his son sold the tape. Outstanding parent-child relationship. Best since the Baldwin family.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Nine Lucrative… Romo Banks

On Tuesday, the Dallas Cowboys rewarded Tony Romo. Romo inked a 6-year, $67 million extension. Despite this achievement, Romo remains modest. “I never really thought this was a goal along the way. I still don't necessarily perceive it as a goal, but it's something really neat that I get to experience," Romo said. “It's special just to be a part of this. The best feeling by far is that the organization, the Jones family, our coaches and everyone say, 'Hey, you're our guy. You're the guy we want to go to the next level with. We want to get back to the Super Bowl around here and win these things.' That means everything, more than the money ever could.”

Personally, I disliked Romo. I thought he was overhyped. I thought he was a game manager. I am not completely convinced. However, Romo has performed. He has been exemplary. He has resurrected the Cowboys. Currently, he is amongst the NFL’s best.

He Dropped the Bomb

Paul Tibbets
(1915-2007)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“The Atlanta International Airport is considering shorter flushes for their toilets, to help with the draught in Georgia… Shorter flushes or as Senator Larry Craig calls them, speed dating.”

The Tonight Show

NEW RULE

Scheduling is viewership.

On October 21, Fox hosted a Republican debate. On Tuesday, MSNBC hosted a democratic debate. Anyone watch? If you did, you missed Boston Legal, Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives, House, Sunday Night Football and Major League Baseball’s playoffs. Regret your decision?

Debates are important. Obviously, they overly frequent. However, debates illuminate differences. They clarify positions. They delineate our choices. If one watches. Interestingly, debates require viewers. No one watched Hillary flail. Why? House was torturing Foreman. This demanded our attention.

Debates are crucial. With that stated, Alan Shore, Gabrielle Solis, John Madden, and Josh Beckett trump Barack Obama, John Edwards, Fred Thompson, and Mitt Romney. If Republicans and Democrats desire interest, they must prioritize airtime. How? Read TV Guide.

Charity Bling

On Tuesday, the Indianapolis Colts announced a charity raffle. The prize? Five Super Bowl rings. The Colts endeavor is intriguing. Ordinarily, I advocate philanthropy over fundraising. However, this is different. The ticket cost is reasonable ($5). The reward is extremely attractive. I applaud the Colts. I hope fans support this venture.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Dog the Bounty Hunter?

Immediately, Dog apologized. Al Sharpton accepted. He did not accept the apology. He accepted the cause. He then condemned Dog.

According to Mark Cuban, the Dallas Mavericks will not acquire Kobe Bryant. The Mavericks were never considered. Incidentally, Cuban will not purchase the New York Knicks.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Joe Torre, formerly of the New York Yankees, signed with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Well, look at this way — who wouldn’t take earthquakes and wild fires over George Steinbrenner?”

Late Show with David Letterman

NEW RULE

Merrill Their Example

On Monday, Merrill Lynch CEO Stan O’Neal retired. He will not receive an annual bonus or severance package. I applaud Merrill Lynch. Executives do not deserve enormous bonuses. Especially, inferior executives. Inferior waitresses do not receive tips. Inferior secretaries do not receive promotions. Executives are employed people. Upon their exodus, they should not receive millions for nothing. They should simply exit. Merrill Lynch realized this. Competing companies should also.

Destroying the Internet

On Tuesday, Michael John Anderson was charged with second-degree murder. Allegedly, Anderson murdered Katherine Ann Olson. How was Olson targeted? Via a fraudulent Craig’s List posting. Anderson warrants figurative castration. His type debase the internet. They criminalize the internet. They encourage suspicion. They incite mistrust. They condemn the innocent. The internet is a monumental invention. The internet is wonderful. Yet, the internet can be terrible. Anderson exemplifies this. He deserves excoriation.

Worth A Read

NBA Obsessed

Blogging the hit and run game. Currently, they are polling Kobe’s future.

Squash of A Cheerleader

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Merrill Lynch’s CEO?

In Michigan, Jody Lee was convicted of assault. His crime? Assault with a pickle. Horrific! What if the attacker had tossed a salad?

Today’s top five or World Cup alternative sites (1) Baghdad, (2) Tehran, (3) Kabul, (4) Islamabad, (5) Los Angeles.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

GAME BALLS (NFL Edition)

Drew Brees (QB – Saints): 31/39, 336 yards, 4 td
(Win: 31-10 at 49ers)

Tom Brady (QB – Patriots): 29/38, 306 yards, 3 td
(Win: 52-7 vs. Redskins)

Braylon Edwards (WR – Browns): 8 receptions, 117 yards, 2 td
(Win: 27-20 at Rams)

Lee Evans (WR – Bills): 5 receptions, 138 yards, 1 td
(Win: 13-3 at Jets)

Brett Favre (QB – Packers): 21/27, 331 yards, 2 td
(Win: 19-13 at Broncos)

Brandon Jacobs (RB – Giants): 23 carries, 131 yards
(Win: 13-10 at Dolphins)

Donovan McNabb (QB – Eagles): 23/36, 333 yards, 1 td
(Win: 23-16 at Vikings)

Willie Parker (RB – Steelers): 22 carries, 126 yards, 1 td
(Win: 24-13 at Bengals)

Reggie Wayne (WR – Colts): 7 receptions, 168 yards, 1 td
(Win: 31-7 at Panthers)

LenDale White (RB – Titans): 25 carries, 133 yards
(Win: 13-9 vs. Raiders)

GAME BALLS (College Football Edition)

Donald Bowens (WR – North Carolina State): 11 receptions, 202 yards, 2 td
(Win: 29-24 vs. Virginia)

Colt Brennan (QB – Hawaii): 29/46, 425 yards, 6 td
(Win: 50-13 vs. New Mexico State)

Jamaal Charles (RB – Texas): 33 carries, 290 yards, 3 td
(Win: 28-25 vs. Nebraska)

Andre Dixon (RB – Connecticut): 32 carries, 167 yards
(Win: 22-15 vs. South Florida)

Christian Ducre (RB – Mississippi State): 19 carries, 119 yards, 1 td
(Win: 31-14 at Kentucky)

Daniel Evans (QB – North Carolina State): 26/46, 347 yards, 3 td
(Win: 29-24 vs. Virginia)

Joe Flacco (QB – Delaware): 30/41, 434 yards, 4 td
(Win: 59-52 at Navy)

Brandon McAnderson (RB – Kansas): 21 carries, 183 yards, 2 td
(Win: 19-11 at Texas A&M)

Knowshon Moreno (RB – Georgia): 33 carries, 138 yards, 3 td
(Win: 42-30 at Florida)

Jonathan Stewart (RB – Oregon): 25 carries, 103 yards, 2 td
(Win: 24-17 vs. USC)

Dwight Tardy (RB – Washington State): 37 carries, 214 yards, 2 td
(Win: 27-7 vs. UCLA)

Willie Tuitama (QB – Arizona): 38/51, 510 yards, 5 td
(Win: 48-41 at Washington)

Chris Wells (RB – Ohio State): 25 carries, 133 yards
(Win: 37-17 at Penn State)

Albert Young (RB – Iowa): 34 carries, 179 yards, 2 td
(Win: 34-27 vs. Michigan State)

A Consummate Professional

Robert Goulet
(1933-2007)

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“It’s a great time for the city of Boston. The Red Sox have won their second World Series. The Patriots are on a roll. The Celtics are beginning the NBA season with their best team in years and first place in the annual world’s largest pumpkin contest once again goes to Ted Kennedy’s head.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

National Basketball Association Predictions

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division
1. Boston Celtics (51-31)
2. New Jersey Nets (50-32)
3. Toronto Raptors (47-35)
4. Philadelphia 76ers (37-45)
5. New York Knicks (30-52)

Central Division
1. Detroit Pistons (62-20)
2. Chicago Bulls (57-25)
3. Cleveland Cavaliers (53-29)
4. Milwaukee Bucks (46-36)
5. Indiana Pacers (33-49)

Southeast Division
1.
Miami Heat (50-32)
2. Washington Wizards (49-33)
3. Charlotte Bobcats (46-36)
4. Orlando Magic (44-38)
5. Atlanta Hawks (36-46)

Western Conference

Northwest Division
1.
Denver Nuggets (56-26)
2. Utah Jazz (48-34)
3. Seattle Supersonics (47-35)
4. Portland Trailblazers (39-43)
5. Minnesota Timberwolves (31-51)

Pacific Division
1. Phoenix Suns (59-23)
2. Golden State Warriors (48-34)
3. Los Angeles Lakers (45-37)
4. Sacramento Kings (41-41)
5. Los Angeles Clippers (38-44)

Southwest Division
1. San Antonio Spurs (60-22)
2. Dallas Mavericks (58-24)
3. Houston Rockets (57-25)
4. New Orleans Hornets (48-34)
5. Memphis Grizzlies (42-40)

Eastern Conference

First Round
(1) Detroit Pistons defeats (8) Toronto Raptors 4-1
(2) Chicago Bulls defeats (7) Washington Wizards 4-1
(6) New Jersey Nets defeat (3) Cleveland Cavaliers 4-3
(4) Boston Celtics defeats (5) Miami Heat 4-1

Conference Semi-Finals
(1) Detroit Pistons defeats (4) Boston Celtics 4-3
(2) Chicago Bulls defeats (6) New Jersey Nets 4-3

Conference Finals
(1) Detroit Pistons defeats (2) Chicago Bulls 4-3

Western Conference

First Round
(1) San Antonio Spurs defeats (8) New Orleans Hornets 4-0
(2) Phoenix Suns defeats (7) Utah Jazz 4-2
(3) Dallas Mavericks defeats (6) Golden State Warriors 4-3
(5) Denver Nuggets defeats (4) Houston Rockets 4-3

Conference Semi-Finals
(1) San Antonio Spurs defeats (5) Denver Nuggets 4-3
(2) Phoenix Suns defeats (3) Dallas Mavericks 4-2

Conference Finals
(1) San Antonio Spurs defeats (2) Phoenix Suns 4-3

NBA Finals
(1) San Antonio Spurs defeats (1) Detroit Pistons 4-2

NEW RULE

Oversight is critical.

In January, South Africa’s Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls opened. Allegedly, physical and sexual abuse have occurred. Yesterday, Winfrey apologized. She cried. Winfrey’s objective was noble. Her execution was apocryphal. Winfrey could have remained vigilent. Daily, she could have inquired.

Unfortunately, Winfrey is a celebrity. She wrote a check. She received publicty. She exited. Directly, she is not responsible. However, this is a lesson. Celebrities should be charitable. They should address problems. They should also maintain auhtority.

Bobby Eberle: When Democrats Rule

There has been much gnashing of teeth over the Republicans inability to control spending. Once a core tenet of conservative philosophy, Republicans in Washington threw that plank aside in pursuit of pork and big-government ideas. Is it any wonder we lost? Americans don't need more spending and more government. We need less! I'm pretty sure the Republicans got the idea. (Being in the minority will do that.)

On the flip side, there is still one issue where Republicans have stood strong -- taxes. Just like the fact that government needs to be smaller, not bigger, taxes need to be lower, not higher. We pay far too much in taxes to feed an ever-growing government. Thankfully, Republicans have helped cut taxes over the years, and the country is better for it. Just take a look at the recent tax proposal by liberal Democrat Charles Rangel, and one will see why we can't let the Democrats win the White House. With control of Congress, the Democrats are one election away from grinding the economy to a halt.

Under the Bush tax cuts, we now see the deficit going down and tax revenues going up. Repeat... the deficit is going down... more money is coming in. Yet Rangel wants to "fix" the tax code. The only way to fix the tax code is to continue to cut taxes, and that's something that won't be coming from Rangel and other liberal Democrats.

As noted by Bloomberg's Kevin Hassett, "Last week, just in time for the Halloween season, House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charles Rangel gave American voters a chilling glimpse of what U.S. tax policy will look like if a Democrat wins the White House in 2008."

For those of you wondering what the details of taxing the rich to pay for Democratic spending proposals might look like, Rangel, a close ally of Hillary Clinton, has provided a tour of the abyss. If the ``mother of all reforms,'' as he calls his tax plan, had a name, it would be Mrs. Bates. But, unlike Norman's mother in the Alfred Hitchcock classic ``Psycho,'' this lady is very much alive.

In terms of revenue, Rangel's reform would be the biggest tax increase in history. Compared to a baseline where President George W. Bush's tax cuts are extended and the dreaded alternative minimum tax isn't allowed to swallow millions of taxpayers whole, the bill raises taxes by a whopping $3.5 trillion over the next 10 years, according to the office of Representative Jim McCrery of Louisiana, the top Republican on the Ways and Means Committee.

The Heritage Foundation, in its analysis of the Rangel tax bill, notes that "In the current Congress, the Rangel proposal has no chance of enactment, neither in its current form nor in any recognizable variant. Its importance is as a policy statement of the chief Democratic tax policy writer in the House of Representatives, expressed in black and white. As such, it offers a useful glimpse of where tax policy is likely to go in the next Congress if the chairman is allowed to work his will with a more sympathetic resident occupying the White House."

While complete details are yet to be released, the Heritage Foundation notes from the plan's basic roadmap that "taxes would increase by about a half-trillion dollars over the next 10 years. Much of that increase would fall on small businesses, especially on small manufacturers. The bottom line: higher taxes, fewer jobs, and lower wages."

First is Rangel's plan to "fix" the Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT). According to the National Taxpayers Union (NTU), "Rangel would get rid of the Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT) -- an ill-conceived plan that never should have been established in the first place -- but effectively resurrects it under a different name on the tax bills of millions of Americans. He boosts the standard deduction, only to erode the benefits of other common deductions. Families who would qualify as upper-middle-class in many metro areas would see their tax rates go as high as 44 percent, compared to the 35 percent or less they're now paying."

The NTU goes on to say that small business would be forced to pay higher self-employment taxes. In addition, the NTU notes that "Rangel claims that '91 million families' will benefit from the scheme, but that includes a spending giveaway to millions receiving the 'Earned Income Credit' -- households that don’t pay taxes anyway." So, part of his "income tax plan" is to give more money to people who don't even pay income tax. This is typical liberal class warfare, and it's not right.

The Heritage Foundation notes that there is a new 4 percent surtax on married filers with adjusted gross incomes (AGIs) above 200,000.

Having recognized the importance of lower marginal tax rates, Mr. Rangel would cut the corporate tax rate with his bill. But then he raises tax rates on individuals and small businesses, indicating a serious condition of economic policy schizophrenia.

Also, the surtax applies to AGI, not taxable income. So while jacking up tax rates, Mr. Rangel has also found a backdoor way to phase down the number of itemized deductions taxpayers can take. Perhaps Mr. Rangel can explain what he has against charitable contributions; or the deduction for state and local taxes; or the home mortgage deduction at a time when the housing industry is reeling.

In Rangel's press release, the Ways and Means Committee chairman states that the legislation will "provide tax relief to more than 90 million working families and cut the corporate tax rate to help American companies stay competitive internationally." Can someone please tell me what the phrase "working families" means??? Doesn't anyone who gets up, goes to work, puts in a long day, and makes money, qualify to be a "hardworking American?" Not according to the Left. Their "working families" phrase is code for a special segment of people that they can pit against the "rich" in order for them to win elections. It's pathetic!

Rangel goes on to say, "The provisions in this bill would reform the tax code to provide a greater sense of equity and fairness that is so critical to our voluntary tax system. ... It has been more than 21 years since Congress and the Administration rolled up their sleeves to discuss tax reform and during that time the tax code has become a jumbled mess of outdated and inequitable provisions that cry out for simplification."

The Republicans should jump all over this bill. It is a giant red flag of what liberal Democrats would do to America if given the opportunity. If Rangel wants to propose huge tax increases under the guise of "fairness," then now is the perfect time for Republicans to fire back. If Rangel wants to "simplify the code," then let's do away with the code all together! The Fair Tax would do away with the income tax all together and shift the focus to consumption.

The more Rangel talks, the more it helps Republicans. Let's hope America is listening.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the New York Yankees?

Yesterday, Canada embraced the Dali Lahma. According to Canada, he is not a Taiwanese landmark.

Yesterday, Barbara Walters bemoaned TMZ. Obvious question, Barbara Walters on TMZ?

Monday, October 29, 2007

MLB Rips A-Rod’s Inappropriate Timing

Bob DuPuy: “We were very disappointed that Scott Boras would try to upstage our premier baseball event of the season with his announcement. There was no reason to make an announcement last night other than to try to put his selfish interests and that of one individual player above the overall good of the game. Last night and today belong to the Boston Red Sox, who should be celebrated for their achievement, and to the Colorado Rockies, who made such an unbelievable run to the World Series.”

Pennington Pushed Aside

On Monday, Kellen Clemens supplanted Chad Pennington. During his career, Pennington has completed 1,209 of 1,849 passes (65%) for 13,289 yards with 81 touchdowns and 53 interceptions. Yet, the Jets have ostracized him. New York fans have abhorred him. Pennington is not Tom Brady. However, he is adequate. He deserves better. Personally, I hope Clemens falters.

Self Important Quitter

On Monday, Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) retired. His rational? His mission is complete. Given 2008’s framework, Tancredo’s decision was asinine. He may be satisfied. However, he should not sacrifice Republicans.

Another Offseason, Another Tigers Acquisition

On Monday, the Atlanta Braves traded shortstop Edgar Renteria to the Detroit Tigers. As reciprocation, the Braves received minor league pitcher Jair Jurrjens and outfielder Gorkys Hernandez. In 2007, the Tigers underachieved. Their offense was frustrating. Their defense was nauseating. Renteria should improve them. However, this is not guaranteed. Last offseason, the Tigers acquired Gary Sheffield. They declined.

Calgary Addresses Quandary

On Monday, the Calgary Flames retained goalie Miikka Kiprusoff. Kiprusoff signed a 6-year, $35 million contract. The Flames status is unalterable. Their choice is annual. Either retain or wholly rebuild. Sans Kiprusoff, the Flames could not win. They accepted this. They dismissed ego and secured their future. I applaud them.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Aides told President Bush he should congratulate the Red Sox. Poor guy, he was so confused. He went to his sock drawer.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Gavin Degrades Lauren, Hills

Last week, Gavin Beasley and Lauren Conrad went out. This weekend, “Best Week Ever” interviewed Gavin. Beasley is bitter. Concerning the Hills, he is hostile. Concerning his portrayal, he is irritated. Beasley’s remarks were both offensive and unfortunate. Granted, his depiction was dreadful. However, he does not enjoy immunity. He should not have insulted the Hills. He should have not insulted Lauren. Below is the interview.

Alright, man. I’m just gonna come right out and ask: how the hell did you get involved with this televised Crazy Carnival?

Last year I was booked on an editorial modeling gig, posing with Lauren for this interview she did in People Magazine (ED NOTE: photo after the jump). We got along, and she kept trying to set me up with Heidi, because she was on a break from Spencer or something back then, and Lauren was trying to get her to move on. But nothing ever happened with that and Lauren was dating Jason (Wahler) at the time, so we didn’t keep in touch at all. Then in August I got a call from my agency to go to a casting call for Teen Vogue, and Lauren and the camera crews just so happened to be there. She remembered me from our shoot, and the next thing I know, a producer’s asking me to ask Lauren for her number, and I’m signing release forms and being shot for The Hills. They wanted me to ask her about the runway show, how long she had worked that day, when would she get off, stuff like that.

That’s insane. So was your whole experience on the show like that?

Absolutely, from the very beginning. Like, they totally set up the BBQ scene for Brody and I to meet each other and talk because, as they said, “the audience would get a kick out of seeing ‘the ex’ talking to ‘the new guy’.” So they rent this house in Malibu for a set, bought a bunch of food and drinks, and just filmed us hanging out. Brody would talk all this sh*t, then be like, “Sorry about that, we’re just trying to make good television.” Like at one point, some other dude walked up to us while we were talking, and Brody goes, “We’re trying to film a scene here. Do you mind?”, like he’s interrupting our lines. Haha, it was some of the best acting I’ve ever done.

Would you say Bro-Dog Jenner is a Cooler Dude in person, on TV, or just Totally Cool everywhere, all the time?

The interesting thing is Brody – off camera - was a pretty chill guy. When the show came out and he was saying stuff about me - like I was short, too perfect, boring, etc - I didn’t get pissed because I know that’s all solely done for The Hills. He creates drama and a storyline. That’s why he is there.

So the big date with Lauren. What did you two actually talk about for the hours and hours you spent together that we didn’t see on the show?

I honestly had a really hard time talking to her - she’s kind of a conversation killer, and when the cameras are rolling, all conversation is kept firmly on the surface. She talked about how mean Perez Hilton was, and how you have to be nice to the Paparazzi so they don’t release the uglier pictures of you. I don’t know – pop culture, Red Bull, stuff like that. In fact, the most interesting thing I got out of her was that she isn’t allowed to eat ice cream because her trainer told her she can’t.

That sounds like some riveting dinner discussion.

Ha, yeah. What you see is really what you get with these people. Lots of fascinating discussion about “the club”, Vegas, getting drunk, Heidi is evil, and so on. The lack of depth was actually uncomfortable for me. Like, how can nothing be everything you talk about? OH, I forgot – lots of talk about Lauren’s clothing line. That’s pretty important, right?

So let’s discuss about Nail-Polish-Gate. Some websites (I think mostly MySpace blogs written by teenagers who actually care about this stuff) are making a big scandal about the fact that Lauren was wearing red nail polish on your date, and when she got home and immediately (as we’re led to believe) called Bro-Dog, the nail polish was GONE, which suggest that The Hills MIGHT NOT REALLY BE REAL. Please, tell us this is not true.

Well here’s the thing. The show makes it seem like she got home from the date earlier, but in reality we hung out at The Grove for a couple hours after dinner (for some reason she took me to Barnes & Noble to show me this book they made about Season 1 of The Hills), then later went to the club Les Deux, and stayed out until about 2:30 or so. I don’t know what she did when I dropped her off, but if that’s “early night” for those two, they must have Insomnia.

Dammit. So how did this big adventure finally end?

Well we shot all this back in August, and I didn’t film anything else, nor did I talk to Lauren again after our date night. Someone from MTV called two weeks later to see about me asking Lauren and Whitney out on a double date, but nothing happened with that. In fact, I actually feel like I had more of a relationship with my MTV contact than I ever did with Lauren.

Is there anything else you’d like us to know?

Well, this is sort of silly, but I ordered that Salmon Roll for myself and Lauren said she would like to try a piece, so of course MTV edited the scene to make it look like I’m force-feeding her the salmon that she hates, which I would never do on a date. Also, I guess people should just try to remember that this is all entertainment, and just as I’m not the boring dork they made me out to be, Lauren and the other people on the show are sometimes capable of being nice, decent, funny people. Except for Spencer, I hear he’s really like that.

Hank Steinbrenner Scorches A-Rod

Hank Steinbrenner: “It's clear he didn't want to be a Yankee. He doesn't understand the privilege of being a Yankee on a team where the owners are willing to pay $200 million to put a winning product on the field. I don't want anybody on my team that doesn't want to be a Yankee. We're not going to back down. It's goodbye.”

NEW RULE

Mistakes are not choreographed.

Last week, FEMA staged a faux news conference. This transgression was labeled a “mistake” and an “error in judgment.” Anyone not love FEMA? Their apologies are disasters. A mistake is speeding. An error in judgment is an incorrect paint scheme. A fraud is outrageous. Information overload, timing… excuses are irrelevant. FEMA facilitated a charade. This is inexcusable.

Holy Trinity!

Worth A Read

Bill Maher Discusses Halloween

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be the World Series?

Last week, Rutgers Coach Vivian Stringer criticized Isiah Thomas. This weekend, Stringer apologized. This was the reverse Thomas.

According to Canada, Niagara Falls is not a United States landmark. Washington D.C. is outraged. Their response? Neither are the Senators.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Egomaniacal Empire

Their tenor is different. Their fans exemplify this. Once, Boston Red Sox supporters were provincial, whining, narcissistic, chronic, complainers. They expected failure. They projected insecurity. For them, pessimism was reality. Then, they began winning.

On Sunday, the Red Sox garnered the 2007 World Series. Their nation celebrated. Four seasons. Two world championships. Suddenly, the petulant pessimists are vanished. Instead, Bostonians are arrogant. They are empirical. They are smug. The Atlanta Braves may be America’s franchise. The Red Sox own two hemispheres.

Polar opposites are disturbing. Formally, the Red Sox were fatalistic. Currently, they are fanatical. The Red Sox were a quirky treasure. Unfortunately, they have transformed. They are not adorable. They are not endearing. Certainly, they are not international. Simply stated, they have become their enemies. They are the New York Yankees equal. Spending, self-absorbed, and obnoxious.

A-Gone

On Sunday, Alex Rodriguez exited his 10-year, $252 million contract. Doubtlessly, his New York Yankees tenure has concluded. During his Manhattan transfer, Rodriguez batted .303. He also amassed 173 home runs and 513 runs batted in.

Simplistically, Scott Boras articulated Rodriguez’s rational. “Alex's decision was one based on not knowing what his closer, his catcher and one of his statured pitchers was going to do," Boras said. "He really didn't want to make any decisions until he knew what they were doing.”

First Vote… 67 Days

On Sunday, the Iowa Democrats advanced their caucuses. On October 16, Iowa Republicans also advanced. Both votes will now occur January 3. As previously stated, this catapulting is ridiculous. America deserves the premiere Republican and Democratic candidates. America does not deserve artificial winners. Unfortunately, the system has been decapitated.

A Rhinestone Legend

Porter Wagoner
(1927-2007)

BCS Symmetry

1. Ohio State (9-0)
2. Boston College (8-0)
3. LSU (7-1)
4. Arizona State (8-0)
5. Oregon (7-1)
6. Oklahoma (7-1)
7. West Virginia (7-1)
8. Kansas (8-0)
9. Missouri (7-1)
10. Georgia (6-2)

Betting the Pass Line (Last Week: 1-4 Season: 13-17)

Browns (-3) at Rams
This season, Cleveland’s opponents are 18-24. The aforesaid explains their success.

Eagles (-1) at Vikings
This season, Donovan McNabb has struggled. With that stated, his opposition is Tarvaris Jackson.

Saints (-2) at 49ers
Assuming a win, the Saints are 3-4. Simply stated, they are playoff contenders.

Patriots at Redskins (+16)
NFL’s finest franchise vs. “Sport’s greatest underdog.” The Patriots will win. However, the Redskins should compete.

Packers (+3) at Broncos
Brett Favre vs. Jay Cutler. Favor the Packers.

Line of the Morning


Senator John McCain (R-AZ)

“Anyone who says they don't know if waterboarding is torture or not has no experience in the conduct of warfare and national security.”

Big Five & Hot Five

Latest Laker Skirmish

Phil Jackson: “Obviously he hasn't thrown his heart and soul into performing on the floor. That hurts me a little bit. … He was going to work at this thing and [would] put his full being into this. Right now, he's having a hard time doing that.”

Kobe Bryant: “That [should be] the least of his concerns or anybody's concerns. You don't have to worry about that. … I'm ready to play. Period. You don't have to worry about me.”

Breeders Cup Champion

Curlin

Overstock Founder Did Not Overstep

Patrick Byrne: "Right now, 40 percent of Utah minorities are not graduating from high school. You may as well burn those kids. That's the end of their life. That's the end of their ability to achieve in this society if they do not get a high school education. You might as, just throw the kids away."

Shockingly, the NAACP has overreacted. Their outrage is repugnant. Byrne was not slurring minorities. He was not advocating genocide. He was stating truth. Life is impossible sans education. The NAACP should shut up. Instead of screaming, they should educate their children.

He Deciphered DNA

Arthur Kornberg
(1918-2007)