Buccaneers Brilliant Risk

On Friday, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers chose a quarterback. Byron Leftwich is their starter. Tampa Bay’s decision is intriguing. In 2003, Leftwich was a top ten selection. Unfortunately, his statistics have never equaled expectations. If Leftwich can revive, Tampa Bay could achieve postseason.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“President Obama is in Martha's Vineyard this week, and so far he’s played tennis . . . golf . . . he’s gone swimming . . . and now it’s rumored he may play a game of bocce ball. In other words, America is still waiting for its first black president.”

The Tonight Show

King of Pharm’s Servants Should Be Skewered

According to toxicology reports, Michael Jackson’s body contained diazepam, ephedrine, lidocaine, lorazepam, midazolam, and propofol. Jackson’s overindulgence is repugnant. His enablers warrant severe punishment. Celebrities’ requests are not requirements. They can be refused. Physicians’ obligations are unequivocal. First, do no harm.

Transitional Tampa Discards Kazmir

On Friday, the Tampa Bay Rays traded Scott Kazmir to the Los Angeles Angels. As reciprocation, the Rays received minor league infielder Matt Sweeney and minor league pitcher Alex Torres. “We're not going to make moves just to make moves,” said Angels General Manager Tony Reagins. “We search for opportunities that make sense for us, not only in the short term but in the long term. We had followed him for the last couple of weeks. Most recently, we had a scout in Toronto who saw Scott pitch, and he obviously threw the ball very well. So we just felt it made sense for us to make the move right now.”

During his career, Kazmir has accrued a 55-44 record. He has posted a 3.92 earned run average. In 2009, he has racked an 8-7 record. He has registered a 5.92 earned run average. “This is a surprise,” said Kazmir. “I had heard rumors before, but it's hard to believe that it is now official. It's a disappointment because of all the relationships I've built in the organization and the city, but you can't control the business side of the game.”

Last season, the Rays garnered the American League Championship. This season, they trail the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox. Tampa Bay’s plight epitomizes professional sports. In 2008, they were victors. In 2009, they are transitional vanquished.

DJ AM

Adam Goldstein
(1973-2009)

NEW RULE

Kindergartners are virgins.

According to the United Nations, five year olds must study masturbation. No one overreact. The United Nations is an international organization. AIDS, arranged marriage, promiscuity, and sexual enslavement are epidemics.

With that stated, sex education should be age appropriate. Five year olds cannot comprehend arousal or copulation. Their vocabulary should not include masturbation.

Worth A Read

Blue Mass Group

Blogging the bay state.

The Daily Smak

On Thursday, Afghani President Hamid Karzai and United States Special Envoy Richard Holbrook’s meeting was explosive. Their disagreement? Brett Favre.

According to the Heritage Foundation, healthcare reform will cost jobs… Either insurance salesman or executive branch employees.

Today’s top five or this weekend’s attractions (1) NFL Preseason, (2) Rockies at Giants, (3) Rays at Tigers, (4) White Sox at Yankees, (5) Minnesota Vikings Locker Room

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“At a town-hall meeting in Phoenix, a woman started screaming crazy conspiracy theories at Sen. John McCain. He had to throw her out of the place, which, to me, is no way to treat a former running mate.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Trojan Hope

On Thursday, USC chose a quarterback. Matt Barkley is their starter. USC’s decision is intriguing. Freshman should never excel. However, Barkley will shimmer.

NEW RULE

Brett Favre merits a channel.

Brett Favre reconsiders retirement. He remains retired. He renounces retirement. He holds a press conference. He practices. He performs poorly. Teammates adore him. Teammates abhor him. Teammates ignore him. Enough.

The Brett Favre Television Network is warranted. Conjecture, innuendo, and speculation each hour… Every hour… Twenty-four hours continuous… ESPN should provide news and information. Favre is neither. He is a reality show.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Kellen Clemens?

According to the Times of London, synthetic trees could curtail climate change. I knew marijuana was valuable.

Today’s top five or New York Jets quarterbacks (1) Joe Namath, (2) Ken O'Brien, (3) Chad Pennington, (4) Vinny Testaverde, (5) Boomer Esiason

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“In case anyone was worried that the Jackson family wouldn’t make any money off of Michael Jackson’s death, there’s a new Jackson family show, a reality show, following Jermaine, Marlin, Jackie, and Tito as they prepare for a reunion tour. I think a reality show will be the closest the Jacksons have come to reality in about 30 years.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Prince of New York

On Wednesday, the New York Jets chose a quarterback. Mark Sanchez is their starter. Given Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan’s success, New York’s decision was inevitable.

Power, Privilege, & Justice Were His Worlds

Dominick Dunne
(1925-2009)

NEW RULE

President Obama is not a comedian.

America has problems. Americans need solutions. Americans do not need nocturnal enuresis and special olympian jokes.

During his campaign, President Obama made promises. In eight months, his laughs have trumped legislation. His rhetoric has trumped results. President Obama possesses a spectacular smile. However, Americans did not elect Chris Rock. President Obama should respect this.

Worth A Read

Romance Junkies

Discussing novels and novelists.

The Daily Smak

On Tuesday, DogPac and the Philadelphia Eagles concocted a swap. DogPac will not protest. They will receive jerseys, tickets, and chunky soup.

In the Canary Islands, an eyeless crustacean was discovered. Unfortunately, Anna Wintour was simply vacationing.

Today’s top five or Federal Reserve Chairmen (1) Alan Greenspan, (2) William McChesney Martin, Jr., (3) Marriner Eccles, (4) Paul Volcker, (5) Arthur Burns

The Liberal Lion

Senator Edward Kennedy
(1932-2009)

As He Was, I Wish We Were

On Wednesday, Senator Edward Kennedy passed away. Kennedy was an iconic triumpherant’s conclusive act. He was a democratic icon. He was an unabashed liberal. Yet, his advocacy was not adversarial. His compassion was not political. Paraphrasing his words, “Senator Kennedy need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life; to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to stop it…”

Senator Kennedy and I disagreed. However, I respected his manner. Kennedy would argue and share subsequent cocktails. He would compromise and sacrifice ideology. In his nation, politics remained public service. In his nation, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die.

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“The White House is denying rumors that Obama has plans to play a round of golf with Tiger Woods. Although Obama is planning to ask Tiger Woods if the government can borrow 300 trillion dollars.”

The Tonight Show

Frightful Reappointment

On Tuesday, President Obama retained Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. President Obama’s decision is incorrect. Bernanke has been disastrous. His incompetence induced the recession. He should have been jettisoned.

Wagner Seeks Career Culmination

On Tuesday, the New York Mets traded Billy Wagner to the Boston Red Sox. “We're excited to have him and hopefully he can help us to win a championship,” said Jonathan Papelbon. “I've watched him through the years. The biggest thing is, he pitches with heart. I love guys like that. I love guys that go out there and wear their heart on their sleeves.”

During his career, Wagner has accrued a 39-37 record. He has amassed 385 saves. He has posted a 2.39 earned run average. In 2008, he racked an 0-1 record. He recorded 27 saves. He registered a 2.30 earned run average. “He wanted to be part of a pennant race,” said Mets General Manager Omar Minaya. “We were able to get a couple of prospects for him. We felt it was the right thing to do.”

Championships are the objective. Adoration is craved. Admiration is desired. However, championships separate icons and idols. Wagner’s saves exceed Goose Gossage, Rollie Fingers, and Bruce Sutter. Yet, they have championships.

Panther Tantrum

In the Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament, Florida International will oppose North Carolina. Florida International requested Ohio State. If the opponents are not exchanged, Florida International will not participate.

Florida International should shut up. North Carolina and Ohio State are iconic programs. Florida International is irrelevant. They should oppose whoever is assigned.

NEW RULE

Mine and yours are equal.

In Ohio, Josh Jones’ poodle was murdered. Instead of ten minutes, Miles’ blow drying consumed one hour. Animal abuse is not the issue. Negligence is the issue. Worker’s should value customer’s possessions. Sadly, value is self-interested.

Jones’ tragedy is not unique. Jones’ tragedy is symbolic. Americans are not one of many. They appreciate their own. Anyone else’s is irrelevant.

The Daily Smak

Hey, didn’t you used to be Alex Smith?

According to Owner Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys Stadium has zero defects. Has he considered the Cowboys?

Today’s top five or quarterback catastrophes (1) Ryan Leaf, (2) Rich Campbell, (3) Akili Smith, (4) Art Schlichter, (5) Rick Mirer

Monologue Joke of the Evening

“Fox News host Glenn Beck has lost over 30 sponsors since he called President Obama a racist, including the company that makes Clorox bleach. That’s amazing — even a company whose sole purpose is to make things whiter thinks Glenn Beck has gone too far.”

The Tonight Show

Another Season, Another Starter… Why Not Cut Smith

On Monday, the San Francisco 49ers chose a quarterback. Shaun Hill is their starter. San Francisco’s decision is intriguing. In 2005, Alex Smith was selected first. Predictably, he was ineffective and weak. His statistics never equaled expectations. Hill is not an improvement. However, Smith must be shed.

NEW RULE

America must mature.

This is not a recycled argument. Culture, politics, and intelligence are not the issue. Television is the issue. If Mad Men is not appreciated, our national aptitude is unrecoverable.

Worth A Read

Holy Joe Namath

Blogging the New York Jets.

The Daily Smak

Hey, weren’t you Cash for Clunkers?

Until midnight, gas guzzlers can be exchanged. Unfortunately, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O’Donnell, and Donald Trump remain ineligible.

Today’s top five or Monday’s attractions (1) Mark Sanchez, (2) Giants at Rockies, (3) White Sox at Red Sox, (4) Tigers at Angels, (5) Floyd Mayweather

The Big Five

For reasons good and bad… they were the news.

The Hot Five

A quintet of sizzling conversation starters.

Line of the Morning

Senator John McCain (R-AZ)

“There was a provision in the bill that talks about a board that would decide the most effective measures to provide healthcare for people... So what does that lead to? Doesn’t that lead to the possibility, at least opens the door to the possibility of rationing?”