Lauren, Heidi Blend Emotional, Unbelievable

In parallel universes, Heidi and Lauren exist. Heidi’s emotions are contrived and superficial. Her interactions are manipulative. Her moments are perverse. Lauren’s emotions are cordial and genuine. Her interactions are meditative. Her moments are poignant.

In Los Angeles, Audrina, Lauren, Lo, and Whitney said adieu. Memories were shared. Tears were shed. Akin to Alex, Jessica, and Kristin, Lauren and Whitney huddled and sobbed. For her ally, Lauren wished success. For herself, she sobbed.

In Cabo San Lucas, Heidi and Spencer canoodled. They enjoyed tequila. They married. Given US Weekly’s cover, these nuptials were inevitable. With that stated, I must ask the obvious. Again. Heidi, you ignorant slut, what were you thinking?