AG: Gonzo

Alberto Gonzalez was a distraction. As White House council, he was controversial. As Attorney General, he was disruptive. Amidst controversy, Gonzalez was omnipresent. Republicans detested him. Democrats despised him. Consistently, the President supported him.

On Monday, Attorney General Gonzalez resigned. During his press conference, Gonzalez appreciated his tenure. “I often remind our fellow citizens that we live in the greatest country in the world and that I have lived the American dream,” he said. “Even my worst days as attorney general have been better than my father's best days.”

Meanwhile, President Bush abhorred the climate. “After months of unfair treatment that has created a harmful distraction at the Justice Department, Judge Gonzales decided to resign his position, and I accept his decision,” the President said. “It's sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Alberto Gonzales is impeded from doing important work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons.”

As White House council, Gonzalez reinterpreted the Geneva Convention’s third article. He advocated the Patriot Act. He authorized terrorist military tribunals. As Attorney General, he approved warrantless wiretapping. He conceived habeas corpus denials. During his tenure, eight federal prosecutors were fired.

Upon President Bush’s reelection, social security, tax, and tort reform were promised. Unfortunately, Hurricane Katrina, Iraq, and Scooter Libby have consumed headlines. Perfectly, Gonzalez embodies the second term… unfocused and unaccomplished.