NEW RULE

Reporters must possess minimal intelligence.

On Tuesday, WMAQ Reporter Amy Jacobson resigned. On Friday, Jacobson was filmed outside missing mother Lisa Stebic’s pool. Jacobson was bikini clad. Obviously, Jacobson’s actions were stupid. Chimpanzees and teenagers would have avoided them. Ad rates and ratings direct media. Thus, pop tart anchors are a prerequisite. Women should not mirror Rita Cosby. However, a minimal standard is reasonable. If a cupcake cannot think, she should attain employment.