DANICA

Finally! The critics are muzzled. The sexists are silenced. Expectations are immaterial. Potential is irrelevant. Victory was the objective. Victory has been achieved.

On Saturday, Danica Patrick garnered the Indy Japan 300. Following 49 starts, her talent triumphed. “I think Danica is such a fantastic person and I'm thrilled for her that the monkey is finally off of her back,” said Owner Michael Andretti. “We have all believed in her and she proved today that she is a winner. Frankly, I think this is the first of many.”

Amidst Passover, a Jewish youth posed a question. Why is today different? Seconds subsequent, the youth answered himself. Danica Patrick has won.